.017// we remember to keep from losing
[Private - 97% Secure; Password Locked]
It won't be much longer, I think, before the entropy moves in completely. This place is filled with fragile minds and fragile hearts; eventually, everyone will lose one or the other. Perhaps some of them will prove my prediction wrong -- that's fine, I'm not obssessed with being right. I have been told, repeatedly, that I think too much.
I think too much. I wish he were here, so that I could tell him that; I think he'd find it funny. It is true, after all. But then, what else can I do? There are only two actions that separate the living from everything else: Thinking and feeling. Perhaps the reason that we Nobodies plot and scheme and muse and brood is because we have only one option available to us. We cannot feel; if we do not think, then... we are nothing more than background noise.
My interaction with Aros has become somewhat more complicated than I had realized. I don't feel towards him, but the thought of losing his presence... disagrees with me. Is it simply because he has a connection to Sora? Does he remind me of the times when I did feel, however brief and imperfect it may have been?
Why am I here? I have yet to be visited by our hosts, and I fail to see what information I can provide them with. Many of their experiments seem designed to analyze the psyche rather than the form. Nobodies are just boring. It's impossible to be unpredictable when you have no heart to mislead you -- every action is the end result of a well-organized train of thought. They'd have just as much luck with a computer simulation.
There's something on the air today... it goes beyond this idiocy at the clinic, beyond these strangers and the pointless chains they bind themselves with. Something is coming. I feel it, even when everything else is as gray and empty as ever. I am remembering things spontaneously, without trying; random things, like bubbles coming to the surface of a dark lake.
I remember sitting in the darkness with him, looking out into nothingness... he said that he had wanted to be alone, but being with me was just as good. I said that Nobodies make lousy poets; he asked me how we hoped to recover what we had lost when we kept ourselves so distanced from it. So we went someplace bright. We made sand castles -- I remember that I was the one who suggested it, and thinking how strange it was, that it was completely pointless, and I didn't know why I had said it; and he smiled at me, this shit-eating grin like he knew a secret. I remarked that it was strange how children all across the worlds had the same reaction to sand, even though there is nothing inherently castle-like about sand. He suggested that it was the closest they could come to having a kingdom of their own, and he said that maybe that was what I was doing with him.
I knew what he meant, and I remember at the time it was almost painful. Now it's just a memory, flat and two-dimensional like a photograph. Like everything else. But why do I remember it now? My own personal sand castle,
Roxas.
[[OOC Note: DO NOT HACK THIS ENTRY UNLESS YOU WANT AXEL TO COME KILL YOU. SRSLY. This means you, too, Itsuki! It's no more secure than his other entries, but there's an additional password feature; even if you input the wrong password, or bypass it, you can still hack the entry, but it will tell Axel that you accessed it without the password, and he will kill you, in the literal sense of the word. On the other hand, muns are encouraged to read it if they'd like an OOC peek into what the hell is going on in Luceti!Axel's spikey head at the moment.]]