Seeing you again
Dear Sasha,
So it's happening again. I have started seeing you all over again. Always at this time of year you pop up. I couldn't do the bread pull at work today....I opened the freezer door and you were siting there. You looked up at me "hey, sorry about this." Thats what you said. Sorry about what? Sorry for showing up, sorry for me still seeing you? I dont want you to be sorry. I should be the one who is sorry. I cant seem to control my brain anymore. The more stress I have the more I see you. You visit him to. I know you do. Meagen told me. His new girlfriend doesnt like him to talk to ex's so he isnt allowed to talk to me directly. But I know you visit him to and talk to him to. Why though? Why do you keep coming to see us? Is it just to let us know your ok? Is it that you miss us? Or are he and I truly that crazy? Are you trying to get us to talk to each other about something? I know you tell me things, but I dont know what you tell him. To be honest im not sure I want to know.
Part of me, a muc bigger part then I want to admit, misses him very much. He was my best friend for so long. We went through so much together. It doesnt seem right to have had it end the way it did. We never really had any closer. It just suddenly ended one day. It was almost like a death all over again. No goodbye, no discussion, it was just....over. We were both at fault. Maybe I was more at fault. I didnt try hard enough. We both said and did terrible thngs to each other......but why? What was he point? I know I was running away, but I never found out his reasons. I never gave him the chance to tell me either, I was too busy running,
I've stopped running. sort of. But now I have no way of facing him to talk about it. I hate it. If you read this Sasha, and then you go see him, you should tell him about this for me. I wish you could tell him that right now, after all this time, after all the times he tried to tal to me, im finally ready to talk. I know t sucks. I know ran from this conversation, but im done running from it. I just want to talk to him about it now and figure this all out. Im not sure how Tim would feel about it, but I think he would understand. Maybe this is why I still have a problem with my past, maybe finally talking through this with him will make it all stop, it all started the day I started running, it would only make since for this to be the way to stop it all.
I miss you so much Sasha. It's sick, but I looks forward to your visits. I know you arent here, I know it isnt real, but I enjoy it. And I know I shouldn't.
Love always,
Sephy
So it's happening again. I have started seeing you all over again. Always at this time of year you pop up. I couldn't do the bread pull at work today....I opened the freezer door and you were siting there. You looked up at me "hey, sorry about this." Thats what you said. Sorry about what? Sorry for showing up, sorry for me still seeing you? I dont want you to be sorry. I should be the one who is sorry. I cant seem to control my brain anymore. The more stress I have the more I see you. You visit him to. I know you do. Meagen told me. His new girlfriend doesnt like him to talk to ex's so he isnt allowed to talk to me directly. But I know you visit him to and talk to him to. Why though? Why do you keep coming to see us? Is it just to let us know your ok? Is it that you miss us? Or are he and I truly that crazy? Are you trying to get us to talk to each other about something? I know you tell me things, but I dont know what you tell him. To be honest im not sure I want to know.
Part of me, a muc bigger part then I want to admit, misses him very much. He was my best friend for so long. We went through so much together. It doesnt seem right to have had it end the way it did. We never really had any closer. It just suddenly ended one day. It was almost like a death all over again. No goodbye, no discussion, it was just....over. We were both at fault. Maybe I was more at fault. I didnt try hard enough. We both said and did terrible thngs to each other......but why? What was he point? I know I was running away, but I never found out his reasons. I never gave him the chance to tell me either, I was too busy running,
I've stopped running. sort of. But now I have no way of facing him to talk about it. I hate it. If you read this Sasha, and then you go see him, you should tell him about this for me. I wish you could tell him that right now, after all this time, after all the times he tried to tal to me, im finally ready to talk. I know t sucks. I know ran from this conversation, but im done running from it. I just want to talk to him about it now and figure this all out. Im not sure how Tim would feel about it, but I think he would understand. Maybe this is why I still have a problem with my past, maybe finally talking through this with him will make it all stop, it all started the day I started running, it would only make since for this to be the way to stop it all.
I miss you so much Sasha. It's sick, but I looks forward to your visits. I know you arent here, I know it isnt real, but I enjoy it. And I know I shouldn't.
Love always,
Sephy