Once again I'm turned upside down and thrown out the window.
I asked. And I asked, and I asked. I offered and offered. I tried. But they never listen. And now.....Im right back where my husband left me five years ago. My world has been suddenly turned upside down and in the process my hopes, dreams, and life have been thrown out the window.
I moved to Ohio. I put my school on hold, Again. I changed surgeons when I wasn't comfortable doing so. I left my home, my friends...my family..My life. I left everything for you. I changed my life for you. I changed my hair, my cloths, my face for you. Now Im sitting here wondering how I got this way, wondering how to go back, wondering IF I can go back. I don't think I can.
Im so annoyed. I asked specifically about this fucking topic before I agreed to move. I said I needed to know if this was not going anywhere, I needed to know then if there were second thoughts. I would have been upset but it would be something I could handle then. And you hit me with it now. Now you tell me....FUCK!!!
I won't be the girl you settle for just because you got me pregnant and we have a child together! I told you I never wanted to be that! And now I am. FUCK!!!!
You love me yes......but your not IN love with me. And that makes a big difference
Your still in love with someone else. Thats fine. Im not mad about that. You dont get to choose who you fall in love with. Im ok with it. Im just so upset and hurt and pissed off that you would let me change my entire life for you before you fucking told me! I mean......FFUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!
I knew from the get go I wasn't the girl you marry. Hell I knew that before my first marriage. Im not the girl guys marry, Im ok with long ass relationship lol. I knew I was never going to fit in with you and your family and your friends. My lifestyle and yours differ too much.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!
I am such a fucking idiot! Im not even mad at you im pissed at myself for not listening to my instincts yet again! I knew this would happen and I decided to believe you instead because you said those two fucking words I despise! 'Trust me." Fuck trust! Fuck it!
I hope your happy. I wish you the best in life I really do. But just know you have personally RUINED mine. You were too selfish to do what was right for me. You were too selfish to put a small bit of my happiness above your small bit of pain. Now Im miserable, Im not myself, my life isnt mine anymore, Im not me anymore. All because your too fucking selfish!
I give up. My daughter is the only one who will see any true affection from me. I will live the rest of my life how you deem convenient for you. But my daughter WILL NEVER EVER live the way I have. Under someone else's selfishness. That includes yours. If your selfishness ever intrudes on her life then she will no longer be part of yours and I will personally see to that. I will NOT have you teach her to bow down and take shit. I will teach her to be the opposite of me in that respect.
I will teach her to be herself no matter what anyone says. Including you. Of all people you.
Your fucking selfish, and once again, you have ruined my life.
I WILL NEVER BELIEVE IN ANYTHING AGAIN!
Sephy