(no subject)
+well, here it all goes. i sat down this morning only to pack. i opened my junk drawers and it all piled out. every note from every gf ive ever had fell out onto my lap and all over my floor. reading thru/tripping thru them, tears falling and all. there was some things that i had totally forgotten about. love and compassion! it kinda snuck thru my memories and mistakes and right outta my life. what do i have to live for now? what is my reason to be here? *still thinkin*. theres nothing i love bout life ne more. every weekend is the same. call up same old friends and go pick up the weed and go over someones house and play fucking video games. im waiting for someone/somethin to push me off the edge. so i can look back and watch it all fall apart and for once, smile. this move, i have decided, im leaving behind everything. all the reasons i hate life, all the ways ive been following. i decided, im goin to let go that much more. enough to leave a gap between what i hate and love. the gap will be big enough so that they wont collide.
-as i looked across the snow this morning i saw you reflection. i remembered everything and the reflection clouded over blood red and vanished. i looked away for once, and for fucking good. this time im admitting, i fucking hate you. seriously, fucking hate you.
merry christmas guys. make today fun, exciting, and happy. christmas only comes round once a year!
cant wait to see my cousin. hes finally thru boot camp. im afraid to see how much hes changed tho.