You used the word fallible just to irk me, didn't you?
Because if everybody else can see such things or feel such presence or have such faith why am I consigned to the constant feeling of loneliness and appreciation of Christ in my head but not in my heart?
Spirituality has the ability to fill people with joy and goodness and power beyond understanding. It can take the sin and the darkness and monstrosity that lurks within us and drive it away. I know this, better than I have known anything. And yet, all but the tiniest glimpses of it are kept from me, and I remain a monster charging about in a world where an angel's song surrounds us with its sweetness but where I cannot hear. If I had faith the size of a mustard seed, it would be sufficient, but I don't, so I rely on the faith of others. You have seen such mysteries as I can but dream of, which means that either He has no plan or use for me, and will keep me in my hideousness, or He hears my cries and I am bound not to hear a response.
The next time you see such spirits as you have told to me, tell them I am a sinner, and ask them to pray for me.
I'll ask any Christian ones I meet to pray for you, but if you're in a church, there's always one listening. It's the main reason they're there.
I know I'm really no one to talk (after all, I spent months pining over people who may or may not have been dead and may or may not have cared), but maybe you should just look for company among the people you can see? And learn about the world, so you can get a sense of how everything is interconnected. Spirits are part of the world, not separate from it. Some of them do need your belief, but they don't need you to beat yourself up for them or ignore everything else.
I doubt that there's one deity who controls everything, but if there is, I can't imagine that he or she or it or they would want you to spend all your time worrying about how it feels about you. If it made you, it must have meant you to be the way you are. And if it doesn't talk to you directly, maybe it's because it wants you to find your own way--wants you to be your own, fully-formed person and not a little child tugging at its (metaphorical) sleeve. Although it's good to be childlike sometimes, so you don't get too caught in the rut of what you think you know...
Because if everybody else can see such things or feel such presence or have such faith why am I consigned to the constant feeling of loneliness and appreciation of Christ in my head but not in my heart?
Spirituality has the ability to fill people with joy and goodness and power beyond understanding. It can take the sin and the darkness and monstrosity that lurks within us and drive it away. I know this, better than I have known anything. And yet, all but the tiniest glimpses of it are kept from me, and I remain a monster charging about in a world where an angel's song surrounds us with its sweetness but where I cannot hear. If I had faith the size of a mustard seed, it would be sufficient, but I don't, so I rely on the faith of others. You have seen such mysteries as I can but dream of, which means that either He has no plan or use for me, and will keep me in my hideousness, or He hears my cries and I am bound not to hear a response.
The next time you see such spirits as you have told to me, tell them I am a sinner, and ask them to pray for me.
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I know I'm really no one to talk (after all, I spent months pining over people who may or may not have been dead and may or may not have cared), but maybe you should just look for company among the people you can see? And learn about the world, so you can get a sense of how everything is interconnected. Spirits are part of the world, not separate from it. Some of them do need your belief, but they don't need you to beat yourself up for them or ignore everything else.
I doubt that there's one deity who controls everything, but if there is, I can't imagine that he or she or it or they would want you to spend all your time worrying about how it feels about you. If it made you, it must have meant you to be the way you are. And if it doesn't talk to you directly, maybe it's because it wants you to find your own way--wants you to be your own, fully-formed person and not a little child tugging at its (metaphorical) sleeve. Although it's good to be childlike sometimes, so you don't get too caught in the rut of what you think you know...
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And he said "Amen I say to you unless you shall turn and make yourselves like little children, you will never enter the heavenly Kingdom."
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