Civil War and Stale Energon [G1]
Title: Civil War and Stale Energon
Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form, own the Transformers© franchise or the characters it contains. All publicly recognizable characters are copyrighted to Hasbro, and the respective artists/writers/et cetera. No infringement intended.
Summary: The opinion of a neutral on the War.
Continuity: G1, pre-war
Characters: OC: Makeshift
Warnings: none
Author's Note: I feel bad. Like I kicked a puppy or something. Sorry, fandom, I have a jackass OC.
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This war’s a buncha slag, y’know?
I’m not exactly one to talk about lofty ideals or martyrdom or all that scrap, but really… it’s kinda pointless, from my most humble point of view. Just a buncha mechs playing at heroes, thinking they’re the shiniest gear in the factory - from the ‘cons to the ‘bots, there’s not much difference, far as I can tell.
Really! Hey, don’t walk out on me now. Just hear me out here, ‘kay?
I mean, yeah, you’ve got your glorious leaders. Prime and the notorious ‘Slag Maker’. Scary stuff, there. Don’t think I’d have the bearings to stand around that slagger all cycle. Scrap, he scares the spark right out of me - and I’m a huge coward to begin with.
Not to say that the Optimus Prime’s hasn’t got me shaking down to my chassis. Primus, have I ever told you that faceplates are the worst accessory ever? Creepy as smelt pools.
And believe you me, I’ve heard all that blabbering about how Prime’s supposed to be this great and noble leader, and all that rust. Real high speed, y’know? Supposed to be a pacifist or something like that. Doesn’t really seem like it, but, then again, I’ve only seen the business end of his barrel, so I might be a tad biased.
But, think about it this way - they’re all Cybertronians. Not much different from one another, ‘cept for them little purple and red stickers they got. You got your sociopaths, your sparked killers, pacifists, traitors, on either side. In the end, when all that ‘faction’ hooey they spew is taken away, they’re all people, and one’s no worse or better than the other. They’re just seein’ things from another perspective, right? Everyone’s their own hero. Nobody ever thinks they’re the bad guy.
I’m pretty sure they see each other like monsters - things without a spark to their name, just there to be terrifying and evil-like. Fraggit, I would think it, if someone was trying to shoot me every other breem! Not to say that I don’t get the occasional slagger trying to take me out. Crazy, huh? Planet’s dead, war’s in a different solar system, but still trying to take little me out, when I didn’t do a thing to no mech. Swear by the Pit, between the Shockwave’s drones and Elita’s pack of glitches, I’m destined for the scrap heap, soon enough. Slaggers can hit a petrorabbit square in the center neural cable with both optics shuttered.
I mostly just go for the running and screaming end of the fight. Does wonders for survival rates.
But, anywho, like it or not, Prime’s just as much of a gear-head as ol’ Megatron. Goes about throwing his (admittedly) impressive bulk about, shoving his ideals down everyone’s intake valve like he’s got the word of Primus himself all wrapped up neat ’n‘ pretty in that noggin, just ‘cause he’s got that sparkly in his chest cavity. His way or the smelting-way; his version of good, or by Iacon, you’re as evil as they come. Not much of a choice there. Almost as bad as the O-Great-and-Trigger-Happy-One, what with the blasting and the yelling and the wholesale-slaughtering…
It’s as much Prime’s fault as it is the ’cons’ that Cybertron’s gone all to slag.
Huh. Think I’d get shot, slinging that around? Probably. Most of the ‘bots don’t take kindly to anyone badmouthing their messiah. Don’t give me that look; you know it’s true. Got the laser burns to prove it.
Me? What’s that? No, I don’t play in nobody’s power struggles. Just looking out for numero uno, y’know? Too selfish to want to die for a cause, been too long since I believed in anything much by the way of others. Can’t aim worth my laser core - got a messed up optic, see? No depth perception, since all the medics skipped off to join ranks, and slag if you can get them to help a glitching neutral - and, yeah, I’ll run and hide before I ever even see the barrel of a gun in my general direction, for sure. I was built before the whole transforming cog thing, y’see. Got not alt mode. Don’t want one. I’ll just stay me, an army of Makeshift, and wait it all out. Bummed around this long, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t just sit it out a bit longer. Not like I’m high priority on anybody’s lists.
If I had to choose? Well. Huh. That’s a toughie. Well, to be honest, I haven’t got what you’d call ‘moral compulsions’, if you get my drift. I’m not going out looking for trouble, but slag if I won’t run when I get a whiff of it coming. If I have to, I’ll steal. Scrap, I’ll shoot a sorry mech in the back if I have to, to survive. Done it before. But I figure I’m not cut out for the Decepticon side. Not crazy enough, I guess, to be really ruthless, going out and kickin’ aft ‘n’ all. I get spooked real easy.
Did I mention the lack of aiming ability? Kind of a problem.
So, I guess I’d have to go with the ‘bots, here. I hear they’ve got a plucky deal going with those natives on Earth - funny planet name, I think - getting free energon from the ‘organics’.
Huh, believe that when I see it. To think, intelligent life without a spark, carbon based, no basic programming? Crazy, innit? Sounds like some logic-synapse error to me. Nonsense, all of it.
Anyways, yeah, the ‘bots. Yeah. They’ve got medics - which is a plus in my processor - got a nice, cozy arrangement with the natives, haven’t been really known for taking out their own or leaving them out and in the acid rain. Could get used to that, having someone to watch my backside all the time. Slag, I’d be useless though. Haven’t got a skill to my name. Just good at sticking junk on myself. No sense of symmetry, see?
But, yeah, I’m not exactly raring to go sign up, just so you know. Not my war, not my problem. I’m just waiting it out, see? Just waiting for everything to just… get done with.
I dunno, maybe I’m just going a little energon crazy. That unrefined stuff is real hard on your processors, right? Just another disenchanted neutral, dodging the draft and hidin’ out in the old block, complaining ‘bout things I haven’t got a hand in. Gotta stay out of the fight, am I right? Don’t want to get slagged just for wearin’ one color or another or some such. Crazy scrap, all of it.
Anyways, thanks for the nasty-as-standing-lubricant energon. Needed a lil’ boost to keep the sensors up. I’d better head out, though. The ‘guardian’s been a little stir crazy lately, sending out his drones on a rebel hunt. I don’t want to be caught in the crossfire.
Where to go? Slag, I don’t know. Wherever the cover takes me. I’m thinking Iacon, though. Been a while since I saw home, y’know?
Yeah, yeah. Guess I’ll see ya around. Look me up, if you’re still functioning after this is all over. I’ll get ya a drink, to repay the favor. Real noble of me, huh?
Hrm. Didn’t say it’d be the good stuff. What do I look like, a buffed and polished upper-ender? Slagging expect high-grade in return for that half-smelted, rust-ridden junk….
Yeah, well, not exactly sociable, am I?
See ya around, old-timer. Have fun with your faction wars, getting slagged ‘n’ all. Just one less debt to dodge, y’know?