Almost vacation time!
It's weird when you have dreams sometimes about someone you haven't even thought of in a long time. I had a dream I was kicking Michael's ex wife's ass a couple nights ago.. it was really odd since I have only seen her in person like once that I know of and I could personally not give a shit about her anymore. And then I had a dream last night that was more a memory then a dream. Just reliving a time back when I was like 16 or so.... Good memory at least. lol. So often I focus on all the bad times. Unfortunately most of the good times revolve around relationships I had or dumb things I was doing in those days. But so do alot of the bad. *sigh* But anyways. 6 days until my vacation! We are going to Sacramento, CA for Family Reunion. It should be interesting. We are flying thru Denver on the way there too. So Michael gets to see two of my favorite places. I really miss Denver.. I hate this damn state and everything and most everyone in it... It's just so tainted to me. We may have been dirt poor in Denver but I never really remember being as miserable as I am here. It's like the humidity and stupidity here just suck all the life out of you. Well maybe that's just part of "growing up" but it just shouldn't be that way. Life should not just be lived from distraction to distraction. It seems like the last few years of my life have just been a total waste. Yeah sure I have a job that makes more then most but I have no life. I guess I've just sunken down deep into one of those depressions I get. But this one just doesn't seem the same as the others. It's like the darkness has suddenly become a black hole.. sucking me further and further.. deeper and deeper... until I don't have any idea where I am or how to get back to where I was. Maybe I just need a change of scenery. Who knows.... I just know I'm never happy anymore.... I try and be positive and focus on what is good and all that... but I'm still not happy... not like I used to be.