SN - Fanfic
Title: It Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way 1/1
Author: burned_phoenix
Rating: R at the most
Characters/Pairings: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki
Spoilers/Universe: Crime-AU
Wordcount: 1.011
Summary: It just wasn't supposed to be this way.
Warnings: major emotional pain, character death, suicide
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction. The above and beyond mentioned individuals have nothing, in any way, to do with the content of this story. This is written purely for entertaining purposes, no harm should be done, no rumors should be started because of this.
Beta: none, please point out any mistakes to me if you find them :)
A/N: On one hand, I'm really happy about this, cause it's the first thing I have written in over a year I think. On the other hand, I am so very sorry it had to be this, but it wouldn't leave me alone. It's been ages since something like this happened, so here we go. Don't hate me *g*
I added a few words here and there now, cause it seems it wasn't all as clear as I thought it was. But that should be fixed now, I hope...
It wasn't supposed to be this way
Jensen could only watch on as the look in Jared's eyes turned from confused to accusing. The fireing pin gripped tightly in one hand, the other one fisted in the front of Jensen's shirt.
Jensen thought, people say, your life flashes before your eyes, right before you die. And this felt similar if not exactly the same. All the 'should have been-s' popped into Jensen's mind, making his breath catch in his throat.
He was supposed to go undercover to take out the Padalecki family.
It was supposed to be a fairly easy job.
This mission of Jeff Padalecki's was supposed to go down two days from now.
Jared Padalecki was not supposed to be a part of it at all.
The mission was supposed to go off without a hitch.
They were supposed to take Jeff Padalecki out in action, closing the case.
Jensen was supposed to go back to his life.
Nothing was supposed to change. But everything did.
From the starting point of this job, nothing went the way it was supposed to.
Jensen met Jared about one week into his assignment. Jared was Jeff Padalecki's kid brother. Innocent, sheltered, loyal to a fault.
Instead of just a few weeks, it turned into almost two years, for Jensen to get close enough to the head of the Padalecki family. It wasn't planned for him to fall in love with the young Padalecki, or for the feeling to be returned.
Jensen knew, thinking about a future with this kid was a bad idea, but he couldn't help it. Jared made him happy. Made him smile and believe in the good in the world again.
He was going to tell Jared everything, just three hours ago, Jensen had Jared in his appartment, sitting him down, taking his hands, taking a deep breath to spill the truth and hoping like hell that Jared's feelings for him would be deeper then his loyalty to the family. He was going to tell him he loved him. That he wanted to spent the rest of his life with him, away from a life of crime and pain.
And then the phone rang.
Jeff demanded they had to break their guy out of jail now and Jared was to come.
And Jared did. That's what brought them to this point.
Jensen felt the first hot tear slip down his cheek as Jared opened his mouth to call for his brother, fireing pin from the GMG* Jensen had sabotaged still clutched in his fist, staring with anger and betrayal.
The recoil of his gun jarred Jensen to the bone, once, twice and Jared's eyes went wide. The color drained slowly from his face as warm blood soaked into Jensen's clothes, wetting his skin underneath, tainting not only his outside but his very soul.
As Jared's last warm puffs of breath fell on Jensen's lips, he helt on to his love, praying for forgiveness and whispered his first and only I love you to Jared's dead, cooling lips.
He had to do it to save his own life, Jensen tried to reason. But it felt only like he killed himself in the process. Slipping the fireing pin into Jared's pocket felt like killing him all over again but it was the only way to get out of this alive for Jensen.
When Jeff found them, Jensen clinging to Jared's body, face wet with pained tears, he looked away, took a breath and went on with business. They stopped on a deserted industrieal area, changed out of their close and got ready to abandon the van. Then he saw the fireing pin falling out of Jared's pocket, as they moved a mostly unresponsive Jensen out of the van. Eyes blazing, Jeff shoved Jensen aside, doused the whole van, including his baby brother in gasoline and set it on fire.
Jensen dropped to his knees, clutching his stomach as bile rose in his his throat.
The flames licked at Jared's clothes, ate away on them, inch by inch until the stench of burning flesh filled the air. Jensen almost blacked out. The look in Jared's eyes, before they lost the last spark of life, etched into his mind, right at the forefront, whenever Jensen closed his eyes.
At the first chance he got, Jensen separated from the goup, take-down of the mighty Padalecki Family be damned, and made his way home, trying to get away and forget. But it wasn't that easy. Jared had never made it easy.
On Jensen's bed, where they had made love just a few hours ago, Jared had left a letter.
In case I don't make it back it read on the envelope, and Jensen's breath caught once again.
With trembling fingers, he opened it, unfolded the single white sheet of paper with Jared's last words in painfully clear handwriting.
Jensen,
it wasn't supposed to be this way. But I guess I didn't make it back after all.
What I never got around to telling you, at least I want you to know now. I love you. I didn't make it easy for you. But I guess you liked the challenge. I didn't wanna fall for you, knowing you would be the downfall of my family. But in the end, all that didn't matter. Your gentle soul, the warmth of your heart and the unerring instinct to know what's right and to live it. Basically YOU were what ultimately made me make up my mind.
I want you to know, even though it won't do you any good now, I was planning to leave with you, no matter if you brougth my family down first or not. And if I had to go to prison too, I hope you would have waited for me.
I know how you felt, and I know it was real. And it was just as real for me.
I love you, Jensen. Make the best of your life.
Remember me. Love,
Jared
The sound of a single gunshot echoed through the appartment and the letter fluttered to the floor, splattered with the blood of FBI Special Agent Jensen Ackles. Deceased.
*GMG - granade machine gun
x-posted
Author: burned_phoenix
Rating: R at the most
Characters/Pairings: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki
Spoilers/Universe: Crime-AU
Wordcount: 1.011
Summary: It just wasn't supposed to be this way.
Warnings: major emotional pain, character death, suicide
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction. The above and beyond mentioned individuals have nothing, in any way, to do with the content of this story. This is written purely for entertaining purposes, no harm should be done, no rumors should be started because of this.
Beta: none, please point out any mistakes to me if you find them :)
A/N: On one hand, I'm really happy about this, cause it's the first thing I have written in over a year I think. On the other hand, I am so very sorry it had to be this, but it wouldn't leave me alone. It's been ages since something like this happened, so here we go. Don't hate me *g*
I added a few words here and there now, cause it seems it wasn't all as clear as I thought it was. But that should be fixed now, I hope...
It wasn't supposed to be this way
Jensen could only watch on as the look in Jared's eyes turned from confused to accusing. The fireing pin gripped tightly in one hand, the other one fisted in the front of Jensen's shirt.
Jensen thought, people say, your life flashes before your eyes, right before you die. And this felt similar if not exactly the same. All the 'should have been-s' popped into Jensen's mind, making his breath catch in his throat.
He was supposed to go undercover to take out the Padalecki family.
It was supposed to be a fairly easy job.
This mission of Jeff Padalecki's was supposed to go down two days from now.
Jared Padalecki was not supposed to be a part of it at all.
The mission was supposed to go off without a hitch.
They were supposed to take Jeff Padalecki out in action, closing the case.
Jensen was supposed to go back to his life.
Nothing was supposed to change. But everything did.
From the starting point of this job, nothing went the way it was supposed to.
Jensen met Jared about one week into his assignment. Jared was Jeff Padalecki's kid brother. Innocent, sheltered, loyal to a fault.
Instead of just a few weeks, it turned into almost two years, for Jensen to get close enough to the head of the Padalecki family. It wasn't planned for him to fall in love with the young Padalecki, or for the feeling to be returned.
Jensen knew, thinking about a future with this kid was a bad idea, but he couldn't help it. Jared made him happy. Made him smile and believe in the good in the world again.
He was going to tell Jared everything, just three hours ago, Jensen had Jared in his appartment, sitting him down, taking his hands, taking a deep breath to spill the truth and hoping like hell that Jared's feelings for him would be deeper then his loyalty to the family. He was going to tell him he loved him. That he wanted to spent the rest of his life with him, away from a life of crime and pain.
And then the phone rang.
Jeff demanded they had to break their guy out of jail now and Jared was to come.
And Jared did. That's what brought them to this point.
Jensen felt the first hot tear slip down his cheek as Jared opened his mouth to call for his brother, fireing pin from the GMG* Jensen had sabotaged still clutched in his fist, staring with anger and betrayal.
The recoil of his gun jarred Jensen to the bone, once, twice and Jared's eyes went wide. The color drained slowly from his face as warm blood soaked into Jensen's clothes, wetting his skin underneath, tainting not only his outside but his very soul.
As Jared's last warm puffs of breath fell on Jensen's lips, he helt on to his love, praying for forgiveness and whispered his first and only I love you to Jared's dead, cooling lips.
He had to do it to save his own life, Jensen tried to reason. But it felt only like he killed himself in the process. Slipping the fireing pin into Jared's pocket felt like killing him all over again but it was the only way to get out of this alive for Jensen.
When Jeff found them, Jensen clinging to Jared's body, face wet with pained tears, he looked away, took a breath and went on with business. They stopped on a deserted industrieal area, changed out of their close and got ready to abandon the van. Then he saw the fireing pin falling out of Jared's pocket, as they moved a mostly unresponsive Jensen out of the van. Eyes blazing, Jeff shoved Jensen aside, doused the whole van, including his baby brother in gasoline and set it on fire.
Jensen dropped to his knees, clutching his stomach as bile rose in his his throat.
The flames licked at Jared's clothes, ate away on them, inch by inch until the stench of burning flesh filled the air. Jensen almost blacked out. The look in Jared's eyes, before they lost the last spark of life, etched into his mind, right at the forefront, whenever Jensen closed his eyes.
At the first chance he got, Jensen separated from the goup, take-down of the mighty Padalecki Family be damned, and made his way home, trying to get away and forget. But it wasn't that easy. Jared had never made it easy.
On Jensen's bed, where they had made love just a few hours ago, Jared had left a letter.
In case I don't make it back it read on the envelope, and Jensen's breath caught once again.
With trembling fingers, he opened it, unfolded the single white sheet of paper with Jared's last words in painfully clear handwriting.
Jensen,
it wasn't supposed to be this way. But I guess I didn't make it back after all.
What I never got around to telling you, at least I want you to know now. I love you. I didn't make it easy for you. But I guess you liked the challenge. I didn't wanna fall for you, knowing you would be the downfall of my family. But in the end, all that didn't matter. Your gentle soul, the warmth of your heart and the unerring instinct to know what's right and to live it. Basically YOU were what ultimately made me make up my mind.
I want you to know, even though it won't do you any good now, I was planning to leave with you, no matter if you brougth my family down first or not. And if I had to go to prison too, I hope you would have waited for me.
I know how you felt, and I know it was real. And it was just as real for me.
I love you, Jensen. Make the best of your life.
Remember me. Love,
Jared
The sound of a single gunshot echoed through the appartment and the letter fluttered to the floor, splattered with the blood of FBI Special Agent Jensen Ackles. Deceased.
*GMG - granade machine gun
x-posted