i love my friends more than anything in the world <33
**this entry will most likely have no point, because i tend to ramble on without really getting at anything. but its MY livejournal.. and i write in it for myself.. sooo if anyones reading this, you most likely already know that much about me lol**
so yeah. wow. last night had to have been one of the most emotional nights of my life. i went from being bored out of my ass at work, to laughing my ass off at the movies with everyone ( especially john, we're animals lmao ), to hysterically crying in front of coldstone and being comforted by some of my best friends <33 who i love more than anything. the past month..especially the last few days.. have been justtt wow. even though i wasn't close with Christina, some of my best friends were, and despite it all, it still effects me majorly. maybe i'm just more emotional than the next person, but that's just how i am and i can't help it. when something tragic like this happens so close to home, it's just unbelievable, and i think everybody is still in shock. it also gave everyone a real reality check, bigger than we could've ever asked for..and also brought us all closer than ever. last night was.. i don't have a word to describe it. just all of us together hanging out..(almost all of us.. james we missed you! ♥)i've never really hung out with that group of everyone all at once, and it was really great. everyone in that group is so amazing and so caring, i felt the love lol. it's just a really good feeling to know that you have all of these amazing people who care about you so much, and i really appreciate it. everyone who was there for me last night, i can't thank you enough for everything.
so anyway.. Mike Commisso -- who i haven't seen in a while -- was there andd i was SOOOO happy to see him. ahhh i love him. i've missed him soooo much since kim's party.. even though it was only a month, it felt like longer.. and i was so used to seeing him like every other day. but of course,on a more negative note, it got me to thinking about Andrew, and how different things are now..and how the 4 of us were hanging out together..but he wasn't there. for some reason, it really upset me.. more than it usually would.. which caused me to break down in front of everyone, but i couldn't help it and i didn't even care at that point. i guess it was because like.. what happened with Christina.. it just makes you think about everything, and everything hits so much harder than it usually would. so pretty much everyone was and is an emotional wreck,its normal and expected, but i just showed it more than everybody else because i couldn't hold it in. so anyway.. i calmed down after a few minutes bc everyone was there for me, and i can't stress it enough how appreciative i am for that. so yeah.. we were all just standing, talking and what not, hugging and just generally being there for one another.. andd Andrew drives by. he was by himself, and just happened to pass by during the 20 or 30 minutes we were out there, which i really thought was weird, and not just a coincidence, but i don't know. maybe that's just my mind thinking too hard and over analyzing the situation, but that's besides the point. anyway, he drove past like twice, and just looked at us, and then i guess he thought twice, turned around, and came back. at that point i just kind of stood there silently waiting for what would happen next.. because i had no idea.. and i was kind of scared. so yeah.. he walked into coldstone, and walked out.. and i went up to him .. with alyssa and kim next to me, and the 4 of us kind of just stood there looking at each other. i won't lie, it was extremely awkward.. and he looked horrible. i've never seen him like that before. he definitely wasn't the hyper,fun,crazy,happy, and overall amazing Andrew that i used to know. i can't even describe what i was feeling at that moment, bc i have no idea how to word it. it just hurt me so much to see him like that, by himself, and think back to how amazing it used to be and how happy we all were together. ( if you couldn't tell by now, i don't deal with change very well ) it's like i wanted to punch him and hug him at the same time.. soo i decided to just stand there and do nothing lol. it was just so weird and upsetting though.. just looking back at how everything USED to be, and then being there and seeing what it's all become. obviously, he was effected by it as well, seeing his former best friends hanging out together, and him driving around aimlessly by himself.. i would imagine he wasn't feeling too hot. so it was really awkward.. and he walked away without saying anything. despite it all, he was still sort of putting up that tough guy front..just by the way he was acting.. and the stupid little comments he made.. but it really doesn't fool me anymore. i could tell just by the look in his eyes/ on his face that it was really effecting him, and that FINALLY he got a clue and realized everything for what it really is. so yeah, of course i was crying again after that, but whatever it's chill.
i used to be so strong, and now.. i've realized that i'm not. i mean i guess in a way i am, because i've made it this far.. but i don't know what happened.. i guess i could only handle so much. Here's something from Jame's LJ that i really agree with.. "you should never leave a friend being angry or hating them because once you leave them, Something horrible could happen to them and you'll never get to say im sorry and make up again. This experience has brought all of us together closer than ever and makes us realize how lucky we are to have each other and how much we love each other and to cherish every moment like its your last because one day it might be that last moment with one of those people or for urself" thats pretty much how i feel also, which i guess explains why this whole Andrew thing hit me harder than ever last night because he's one of the people in my life that i care most about.
so yeah, basically my point is that i'm going to try my hardest not to take anything for granted anymore, and just enjoy what i have.. because it can all be taken from me at any moment. though i can't put reason to why such a great girl was taken from the world at such an early age when she had so much going for her, i still believe that everything happens for a reason, and if something is meant to be, it will be. from now on, i'm going to tell people how i feel about them right away, no holding back. i'm also going to tell everybody i love that i love them on a daily basis.. because hearing it from everyone last night just made me feel so much better, so i think it would be a nice thing to do. i'm also extremely greatful for all of my best friends who have always been there for me. ( you all know who you are ) without all of you guys, i honestly couldn't survive and would be lost to say the least. so, thank you so much for everything.. i love you with all my heart and i'm ALWAYS here for you all. ♥♥
so yeah. wow. last night had to have been one of the most emotional nights of my life. i went from being bored out of my ass at work, to laughing my ass off at the movies with everyone ( especially john, we're animals lmao ), to hysterically crying in front of coldstone and being comforted by some of my best friends <33 who i love more than anything. the past month..especially the last few days.. have been justtt wow. even though i wasn't close with Christina, some of my best friends were, and despite it all, it still effects me majorly. maybe i'm just more emotional than the next person, but that's just how i am and i can't help it. when something tragic like this happens so close to home, it's just unbelievable, and i think everybody is still in shock. it also gave everyone a real reality check, bigger than we could've ever asked for..and also brought us all closer than ever. last night was.. i don't have a word to describe it. just all of us together hanging out..(almost all of us.. james we missed you! ♥)i've never really hung out with that group of everyone all at once, and it was really great. everyone in that group is so amazing and so caring, i felt the love lol. it's just a really good feeling to know that you have all of these amazing people who care about you so much, and i really appreciate it. everyone who was there for me last night, i can't thank you enough for everything.
so anyway.. Mike Commisso -- who i haven't seen in a while -- was there andd i was SOOOO happy to see him. ahhh i love him. i've missed him soooo much since kim's party.. even though it was only a month, it felt like longer.. and i was so used to seeing him like every other day. but of course,on a more negative note, it got me to thinking about Andrew, and how different things are now..and how the 4 of us were hanging out together..but he wasn't there. for some reason, it really upset me.. more than it usually would.. which caused me to break down in front of everyone, but i couldn't help it and i didn't even care at that point. i guess it was because like.. what happened with Christina.. it just makes you think about everything, and everything hits so much harder than it usually would. so pretty much everyone was and is an emotional wreck,its normal and expected, but i just showed it more than everybody else because i couldn't hold it in. so anyway.. i calmed down after a few minutes bc everyone was there for me, and i can't stress it enough how appreciative i am for that. so yeah.. we were all just standing, talking and what not, hugging and just generally being there for one another.. andd Andrew drives by. he was by himself, and just happened to pass by during the 20 or 30 minutes we were out there, which i really thought was weird, and not just a coincidence, but i don't know. maybe that's just my mind thinking too hard and over analyzing the situation, but that's besides the point. anyway, he drove past like twice, and just looked at us, and then i guess he thought twice, turned around, and came back. at that point i just kind of stood there silently waiting for what would happen next.. because i had no idea.. and i was kind of scared. so yeah.. he walked into coldstone, and walked out.. and i went up to him .. with alyssa and kim next to me, and the 4 of us kind of just stood there looking at each other. i won't lie, it was extremely awkward.. and he looked horrible. i've never seen him like that before. he definitely wasn't the hyper,fun,crazy,happy, and overall amazing Andrew that i used to know. i can't even describe what i was feeling at that moment, bc i have no idea how to word it. it just hurt me so much to see him like that, by himself, and think back to how amazing it used to be and how happy we all were together. ( if you couldn't tell by now, i don't deal with change very well ) it's like i wanted to punch him and hug him at the same time.. soo i decided to just stand there and do nothing lol. it was just so weird and upsetting though.. just looking back at how everything USED to be, and then being there and seeing what it's all become. obviously, he was effected by it as well, seeing his former best friends hanging out together, and him driving around aimlessly by himself.. i would imagine he wasn't feeling too hot. so it was really awkward.. and he walked away without saying anything. despite it all, he was still sort of putting up that tough guy front..just by the way he was acting.. and the stupid little comments he made.. but it really doesn't fool me anymore. i could tell just by the look in his eyes/ on his face that it was really effecting him, and that FINALLY he got a clue and realized everything for what it really is. so yeah, of course i was crying again after that, but whatever it's chill.
i used to be so strong, and now.. i've realized that i'm not. i mean i guess in a way i am, because i've made it this far.. but i don't know what happened.. i guess i could only handle so much. Here's something from Jame's LJ that i really agree with.. "you should never leave a friend being angry or hating them because once you leave them, Something horrible could happen to them and you'll never get to say im sorry and make up again. This experience has brought all of us together closer than ever and makes us realize how lucky we are to have each other and how much we love each other and to cherish every moment like its your last because one day it might be that last moment with one of those people or for urself" thats pretty much how i feel also, which i guess explains why this whole Andrew thing hit me harder than ever last night because he's one of the people in my life that i care most about.
so yeah, basically my point is that i'm going to try my hardest not to take anything for granted anymore, and just enjoy what i have.. because it can all be taken from me at any moment. though i can't put reason to why such a great girl was taken from the world at such an early age when she had so much going for her, i still believe that everything happens for a reason, and if something is meant to be, it will be. from now on, i'm going to tell people how i feel about them right away, no holding back. i'm also going to tell everybody i love that i love them on a daily basis.. because hearing it from everyone last night just made me feel so much better, so i think it would be a nice thing to do. i'm also extremely greatful for all of my best friends who have always been there for me. ( you all know who you are ) without all of you guys, i honestly couldn't survive and would be lost to say the least. so, thank you so much for everything.. i love you with all my heart and i'm ALWAYS here for you all. ♥♥