(no subject)
so i did. i let go. time and schedules meant nothing. i completely gave myself over to the city and let it pull me in any direction with no direction or expectation. if twice wasn't enough, i've decided third time IS a charm and i WILL move there someday. i've never felt more at home in my life than in san francisco's pulsing heart beat.
i realized this trip that my brother and i are more alike than i'd thought. it was strange to feel comfortable around him without the safety net that is my sister. we actually had a fairly lengthy conversation about lucid dreaming which took on new dimension given he's the only person i've ever met who has experienced it (other than myself), and one of few who remembers their dreams nearly every night in such vivid detail it is like having your own universe. poor kate would've been the one we were thinking "sucks for you" about.
we ended up going out every night we were there. at first i thought i would never make it in the bar scene for more than one night, but on the second i decided to have a drink and hello chemical confidence!!! of course it equally helped that the music was awesome and no one was attempting to rub one off on the dance floor. it was enough not to hear the same top 20 dance songs on repeat. i'd forgotten how much i love being a mover and a shaker.
an extra bonus is that you don't need a car. we walked from the mission to the haight, took the bus down town, took the bart (similar to the metro) to the airport....no gas or insurance required. we did rent a car for a couple days to go rafting down the american river in sacramento-worth it!there were these uber-tan guys, probably in their 40s, cruising around with necks full of beads, rafts full of beer, blaring what could only be described as the 80s stripper soundtrack. they'd make stops along the way to party on the shore with the college kids. bikini-a-go-go. professional barely legal muff chasers who'd been on spring break for the past 20 years of their lives = hil-arious.
i started taking anti-depressants again about a week ago. going back to my mediocre life in maryland will determine their effect on me. so far so good, but i was in my element for a week and just not having to be at starbucks dramatically alters my mood as does getting out of my apartment and being surrounded by love. it makes me think moving back to deleware wouldn't be so bad, love is all you need and all that rot. i really want the drugs to work. i'm not sure how long it would take to completely break me down. i've already lost hope, have recurring despair, but cannot seem to truly accept the path i've chosen. i guess that's what happens when you don't work towards your goals. hence my new favorite quote in all it's beautiful simplicity: you will never be ready.
i realized this trip that my brother and i are more alike than i'd thought. it was strange to feel comfortable around him without the safety net that is my sister. we actually had a fairly lengthy conversation about lucid dreaming which took on new dimension given he's the only person i've ever met who has experienced it (other than myself), and one of few who remembers their dreams nearly every night in such vivid detail it is like having your own universe. poor kate would've been the one we were thinking "sucks for you" about.
we ended up going out every night we were there. at first i thought i would never make it in the bar scene for more than one night, but on the second i decided to have a drink and hello chemical confidence!!! of course it equally helped that the music was awesome and no one was attempting to rub one off on the dance floor. it was enough not to hear the same top 20 dance songs on repeat. i'd forgotten how much i love being a mover and a shaker.
an extra bonus is that you don't need a car. we walked from the mission to the haight, took the bus down town, took the bart (similar to the metro) to the airport....no gas or insurance required. we did rent a car for a couple days to go rafting down the american river in sacramento-worth it!there were these uber-tan guys, probably in their 40s, cruising around with necks full of beads, rafts full of beer, blaring what could only be described as the 80s stripper soundtrack. they'd make stops along the way to party on the shore with the college kids. bikini-a-go-go. professional barely legal muff chasers who'd been on spring break for the past 20 years of their lives = hil-arious.
i started taking anti-depressants again about a week ago. going back to my mediocre life in maryland will determine their effect on me. so far so good, but i was in my element for a week and just not having to be at starbucks dramatically alters my mood as does getting out of my apartment and being surrounded by love. it makes me think moving back to deleware wouldn't be so bad, love is all you need and all that rot. i really want the drugs to work. i'm not sure how long it would take to completely break me down. i've already lost hope, have recurring despair, but cannot seem to truly accept the path i've chosen. i guess that's what happens when you don't work towards your goals. hence my new favorite quote in all it's beautiful simplicity: you will never be ready.