[RP: AU!verse: Domesticity]
OOC: This is an AU!verse RP, written with number_eight, Arrow_of_apollo, notmyfate and cylon_prophet.
Kara was dressed in her uniform for the first time in several weeks. It felt strange after so much time in civilian clothes, but she found she was glad to put it on. Kara was a soldier, and while she'd always been a bit unpredictable, there were aspects to military life she enjoyed. The familiarity of something as simple as dress was actually somewhat welcome at the moment, when her entire life felt like it was in such upheaval.
Despite everything that had happened--finding Earth, defeating the Cylons--Kara had to fight back the feeling of impending doom, as if it was all going to be snatched away from her. She was pretty sure it wasn't just her--she wasn't the only one who went outside at night and stared at the night sky, wondering if any of the cold lights above marked the approach of a Cylon basestar--but, as with everything, Kara felt it with an intensity that left her occasionally moody and tense. Having something to do that wasn't working on the house or painting, it was good for her. She'd been nervous about getting her orders, but she shouldn't have been; as she'd thought, the Admiral had told her that she'd be flying a few recon missions, doing some routine patrols in her Viper, but that her primary job would be training new recruits.
Are you grounding me, Sir? she'd asked, standing at attention, not entirely sure if her smile was genuine or forced. It was hard to tell, sometimes, even for her.
I'm giving you a chance to live your life, Adama had said in his gravel-rough voice. As...interestingly...as you've chosen to live it.
She should have expected that. Her domestic arrangements weren't a secret, after all, and she knew it wasn't going to be easy when she went back to work. Everyone had an opinion, and she was pretty sure she was going to hear about it.
Kara had saluted without saying a word. She pushed back the old longing she had, that desperateness for the Admiral's approval, and had simply taken her orders without comment. (There was a first time for everything, after all.) On her way out of the building that housed the provisional government, she saw a familiar figure ahead of her. Smiling, Kara rushed to catch him, forgetting for a moment everything that lay between them. "Hey, Lee. Or do I have to call you Mr. Vice President, now?" Kara teased, falling into step beside him.
Lee nodded to the aide who'd handed him yet another folder crammed full of paperwork. It would go on the bottom of the pile back in his office, which meant it would soon be about eye level, rather than only up to his chin. Although Laura Roslin was still just as much President over the people here on Earth, her health concerns demanded that she be as close to the best medical facilities the fleet offered, which meant the Executive Branch was now split between Colonial One and this drab concrete shell. Tucking the folder under his arm, Lee gave Kara a half smile.
"If you do that, you're going to have to salute, too. If you're not up to it, I'd just leave it at Lee."
He was heading for the exit, looking forward to heading home-- if you could call the temporary shelter he was sharing with Dee a "home". Kara seemed content to follow. "I understand the Admiral handed you new marching orders, emphasis on the marching and not flying."
Kara just raised her eyebrow at him. "I can salute you if you want, but do you mind if we just keep walking?" She looked around, eyes narrowed. "Lot of suits around this place. Of course, you're one now." Kara followed him towards the exit. "And yeah, I did. I still have some recons, a few patrols here and there. But I'm starting up in a week with some new recruits. I'm sure they're going to be thrilled, but hey. I'm the best." It was a shadow of her former cocky smile. The war had taken things from them all.
Kara kept her voice very neutral. She'd never been sure if Lee had forgiven her for Zak. It was easy to forgive things in the heat of war, and when peacetime came...all of those tensions could come back, all the old grudges. Kara just smiled, as much as she could manage, and said lightly, "Guess the Old Man decided it was time to ground me."
"Sounds to me like he'd rather have you down here screaming at Nuggets instead of up there, complaining about how there's no action to be had on CAP anymore," Lee offered. He didn't believe that was the entire reason, of course. His father hadn't consulted with Lee regarding the decision (not that he needed to), but if that meeting had happened, Lee would've backed this plan, anyway.
Add to that the rumors that had been swirling around Kara and her... domestic situation. Lee had done his best to avoid the loose talk and innuendos, and he knew that Dee was more than happy to not have Kara Thrace's name mentioned between them. The animosity Lee's wife had toward his one-time lover didn't seem to burn as hot as it once did, but he wasn't about to tempt fate.
"So where are you headed, 'God'?" he asked, using Kara's usual self-appointed training nickname. "Did you teach Sam how to cook rations yet?"
"Home, I guess." Kara made a face. "I haven't really gotten used to that, yes. I go outside with Sam for a run, every morning, on the beach--and yet I still don't really believe we're actually here." Kara shook her head. "Strange how things end up." I was supposed to be frakking dead. "And I'm the last person who should teach Sam how to cook. Have you ever seen me prepare a meal? I'd starve, Lee. I don't do any of the cooking, it was a unanimous decision."
Actually, Leoben did most of their cooking--he was the only one who was any good at it. But Kara wasn't stupid, and she was deliberately leaving her lover's name out of the conversation. It was odd that Lee would be more comfortable with Sam, considering he'd almost airlocked him, but Kara didn't want to bring it up. "How are you? Getting by?" She hadn't seen Lee in ages, not really. And she knew she should ask about Dee, but that just reminded her of the strangeness between them, of things better left forgotten. "I bet you got a house that actually had four walls," she teased, as they neared the exit.
The laugh at the ludicrous image of Kara Thrace playing happy homemaker died before it was voiced. If she didn't cook and Sam didn't cook, then... He sighed inwardly. Then it was the Cylon. Leoben. Lee didn't understand it, couldn't understand it in the least. But then he was hardly the right man to pose as the defender of the family unit, considering his best friend and he had all but committed adultery, and he actually had committed-- no, was committing-- it with Sharon Agathon. Yet another relationship he couldn't understand, and he was half of it.
"Four walls, but by the smell of it, we must've used it as a repair shack back on the algae planet or something."
Once they were outside the building and apart from prying ears, Lee stopped. He sighed. "Are you... you know, are you doing all right?" Part of him wondered if he should check on her.
Kara clasped her hands behind her back, falling in step with him, her military training too deeply ingrained to do anything else. When he stopped, she stopped, too. "Everyone says it just like that, when they ask me," she said, her voice torn between annoyance and exasperated amusement. "I'm...it's...things are weird. Not just my...it's weird to be here. On Earth. Alive. I never thought I'd live to see the end of it." Kara swallowed, looking off into the distance, squinting against the harsh light of the sun. She needed sunglasses, but who had those anymore?
"I'm fine, really." Kara gave him a half-smile, challenging. "If you don't believe me, you could come over for dinner." She absolutely did not believe for a second he'd agree.
"Yeah, well... weird definitely seems to be par for the course ever since we left the Colonies behind." And if there had ever been an award presented for understatement, Lee was certain it was his name being etched onto the plaque right then and there. "But you've got to admit, there's weird, and then there's--" What, Lee? There's sneaking off every chance you get to frak a woman who is not your wife, married herself, and a Cylon? He sighed. "Anyway, I hope you really are fine."
Call it some protective instinct, or morbid curiosity. Call it a single solitary moment of impulsiveness. Whatever prompted it, Lee nodded. "Fine. When?"
Kara would have called him on it--what the frak are you trying to say?--but she was momentarily shocked that he'd agreed, and she had no idea what to say. She'd been so convinced he'd refuse that it had never occurred to her that he might do anything else, and she'd not exactly run this one by anyone she lived with, and--
"Tomorrow," she said, too fast, so that it didn't look like she'd been caught off guard. Whatever else she was, she was still Kara. "Come over tomorrow." She had no idea how she was going to pull this one off. She wasn't an idiot, and she knew Sam and Lee had some tension--strangely, more than Sam and Leoben did, which was saying something--and she wasn't sure how this was going to work, exactly.
Maybe I'll invite Sharon. That'll make it less awkward. "You can bring Dee, too," Kara said, but she would bet her last cubit that that wouldn't happen.
He was tempted-- sorely tempted, in fact-- to make sure that his wife accompanied him to the bizarre social engagement he'd just made. It would help to have at least one other person in the room as aghast as he was. But Lee wasn't inclined to put Dee through that, not when he was doing enough to the woman behind her back already. "I'll ask her," he said to Kara, "she's pretty busy these days."
"Tomorrow, then," said Lee, confirming the idea just as much for himself as for Kara. "See you then." He turned, walking in the direction of his living quarters, wondering just what the frak he'd just done.
* * *
Kara stood in the center of their half-finished kitchen, dressed in jeans and a black halter top, her hair pulled back in a low ponytail. Leoben was cooking something, she had no idea what--fish, maybe, they had a lot of that--and she was trying to avoid having a drink before their guests arrived. She'd invited Sharon, too, and was relieved her friend was coming--though she'd conveniently forgotten to tell Sharon that Lee would be there, too.
She had planned on telling Sharon, but telling Sam had resulted in an argument that she wasn't really all that interested in repeating. She and Sam had worked through things, and while it had been a good conversation, it was the kind that made Kara want to drink herself stupid and pass out for a week to forget about it.
It was weird that the two men she was living with were far more comfortable talking about their feelings than she was. Weird, but probably for the best. They'd be as loopy as Baltar's hippy love cult if all they did was sit around and feel all day long.
She wasn't sure exactly what Leoben thought about any of this, though, because she hadn't really bothered to ask him. Which was probably kind of bad. Kara realized, a tad guiltily, that she didn't ask Leoben how he felt about a lot of things. Sam, during their fight, had said she felt entitled to treat Leoben however she wanted because of New Caprica. Kara, in a rare moment of self-introspection, started at Leoben's back and wondered if that were indeed true. She also wondered why Sam was sticking up for Leoben, and what the hell that meant.
Now's not the time to fix any of this, Kara told herself firmly. However, she still felt vaguely unsettled at the way she'd told Sam about dinner but had assumed Leoben just wouldn't care. In her defense, a lot of things that bothered other people (like her and Sam, for example) didn't seem to bother him much. She and Sam definitely were the ones in their household with a temper. "Hey," she said softly, hopping up on the counter--they'd just put those in last week--and kicking her feet against the cabinet beneath. It was metal--she thought it was a file cabinet, maybe, before it showed up in their kitchen--and it made a somewhat satisfying noise when her heels came in contact with it.
Leoben turned around, watching her with the same hawk-like intensity he always did. Kara had thought he'd get over that habit, eventually, but he hadn't. "Hi."
Kara bit her lip, then said in a rush, "You don't care that I invited Lee Adama for dinner, right? I mean, you shouldn't care. Because it's not like you have any reason to care." Kara glared at him. "Don't tell me you think you have some frakking reason to be all weird about it."
Leoben tilted his head. "What question do you want me to answer?" he asked her solicitously, sounding very patient. "Or was that not really a question?"
"I just don't think you should care," Kara said, hands on the countertop, leaning forward slightly. She realized she was tense, and her voice was angry, and she was glaring at Leoben as if she was mad at him. Which she was, even though she realized that it was irrational. "It's not like you even know him all that well," she said, crossing her arms. "Have you two even exchanged more than six words? I don't think so," she answered for him. "So you really don't have any reason to care that he's coming over."
Leoben was quiet for a few minutes. "How about I answer the first question you asked me--you don't care that I invited Lee Adama for dinner, right?--"
"--I know what the frak I said," Kara snapped. "You don't have to repeat it."
Leoben wiped his hands on a kitchen towel that used to be someone's shirt. "No. I don't care. And the only reason I would have would be if he made you uncomfortable--"
"--why would that be? What are you trying to say, Leoben?" Kara snapped, sliding off the cabinet and standing in front of him. She tilted her chin up in challenge, though he wasn't that much taller than her, and put her hands on her hips.
Leoben looked, momentarily, like he was trying not to laugh. "I'll tell you, if you let me finish," he said, and he did sound amused, which just made Kara more irritated. "He clearly makes Sam uncomfortable, but you two seemed to have dealt with that. So, no, I don't care."
Kara narrowed her eyes. "Why the frak would you care if Sam was uncomfortable?"
"Kara," Leoben said, and he cast his eyes upwards, towards the ceiling; praying for patience, probably. Kara noticed he did that a lot around her. "I'm quite content with my domestic situation being one of harmony and contentment. On the rare occasions when it happens," he said with a small smile. "You and Sam seem to be more fond of...ah, let's say, excitement in that area than I. I don't want either of you to be unhappy. Is this so hard to understand?"
Kara blinked at him, surprised. "I just...I figured it, I guess, about me. But just not him. You weren't always that way. You used to like to annoy him."
"That's because it's so very easy. You're the same way, you know." Leoben smiled at her when she glared, but she couldn't really argue with him. "But it's not malicious, not in the slightest."
Kara thought about that. "It used to be," she said, voice accusatory. "Don't lie, I remember." Leoben just smiled at her in response, which wasn't exactly an answer.
"You have to admit, don't you, that your strong suit does not lie in noticing the subtleties of personal interactions," Leoben said dryly. "Or how they may change over time."
Kara stuck her tongue out at him, but she couldn't really argue with him about that, either. Nothing having to do with subtleties was Kara's strong suit. Also, she realized with some consternation that she'd just picked a fight with him when she'd actually meant to apologize for not asking about this sooner. Sometimes, I frakking make myself tired. "Okay, so, I'm sorry," she said, completely gracelessly. Kara had a problem apologizing in general, but it was especially bad with Leoben. "I guess maybe I should have asked you, too."
"I'm not angry, just surprised," Leoben said, and turned back to dinner. Kara, predictably enough, latched onto that as yet another reason to be antagonistic.
"Why? We're friends. I mean, just because Lee's a politician now--do you think that means he'll forget about me?"
Leoben didn't turn around as he answered her. "No. I think you live with two Cylons, and he has no idea what to say to you about it, so he'll just pretend that you don't and he'll ignore it altogether. It's hard to ignore it if the situation is staring him in the face, so that's why I'm surprised he agreed to come here for dinner with the three of us."
"Don't you want to say something about muddy streams or throwing rocks in a pool or something?" Kara asked him huffily, reconsidering her idea not to drink until dinner. Maybe she'd just wait until Sharon showed up. That would be reasonable, wouldn't it? Besides, it would only be polite to offer Sharon a drink after she informed her Lee was coming to dinner, too.
"No, but I can say it that way if it will make you feel better," Leoben said, his voice infuriatingly calm, and Kara decided it might be a good idea to get out of the kitchen before she availed herself of the cutlery and the proximity to his back. She marched out of the kitchen, muttering something about him being impossible, barely noticing Sam as he entered the kitchen.
Sam took one look at Kara's face as she left, looked at Leoben, and said only, "Did I miss something?"
"Kara being Kara," Leoben said, and the two men exchanged a look. It was almost sympathetic. If Kara had been there, she'd probably have been pissed off to see it. Instead, she went outside, to the front of the house, and waited. She really, really hoped Sharon would show up first. She paced a little outside, feeling out of sorts, and wondered what the hell she'd done and how much of a disaster this evening was going to be.
"Kara!" Sharon practically wanted to run up to her and hug her since it had been awhile since their last talk. Military training kicked in, though, and she walked carefully up to her friend before giving her a hug. "Karl's babysitting Hera. She's sick -- don't worry, it's nothing bad. Cottle said she'll be over it in a few weeks, but to be on the safe side Karl's going to spoil her rotten. You know how he can be with her." The invitation of dinner had been welcome, though, for Sharon. As the new Cylon/human liaison, she didn't seem to have a lot of free time anymore. Part military, dealing with Admiral Adama, part Cylon, dealing with all of the displaced Cylons and trying to get them integrated on Earth, part government, dealing with President Roslin and Lee Adama... well, it didn't make for much of a social life. Still, she was proud that she'd been appointed the position considering she felt she was the most qualified (despite the claims Caprica had made).
There was also the small benefit that having to take meetings with Lee Adama allowed her to continue her affair with him in secret. "So, who's cooking dinner? Tell me it's not you," she teased lightly.
"Of course it's not me," Kara said, hugging her friend back. "We used to take turns, but I think that stopped the night I somehow managed to burn rice and then Sam did something to these vegetables that...well, it wasn't good. Anyway, don't worry, we'll give you edible food." Kara smiled, feeling a bit more light-hearted than she had in days. "It's really good to see you. I'm sorry about Hera. When she's feeling better, bring her over for a visit. Maybe we can figure out how to make cookies. And by we, I don't mean me."
Kara opened the front door and waved for Sharon to precede her into the house. "You want a drink?" she asked hopefully. It would only be good hostessing, wouldn't it, to have one with her friend? No one should have to drink alone.
"Sounds good," Sharon replied easily, shrugging out of her jacket and sitting on the cushions that Kara had in place of furniture. "When was the last time we had a drink together? God, I can't remember." She ran a hand through her hair which she'd left long today instead of in her ponytail and sighed. As strange as Kara's "arrangement" was, it was at least something that seemed to work, which was better than what she could claim about herself. How could someone love one person but frak another who was still married? It still didn't make any sense to her. "So, I'm assuming all the boys will be here tonight, then?"
Kara went to the kitchen and found two bottles of beer--someone had set up a still almost first thing, which was very smart--and brought one to her friend. "All the boys? Gods, Sharon." Kara laughed and sat across from her friend. "Yeah. Oh, um." She uncapped her beer bottle and took a swig. It was okay, not the best she'd ever had, but it certainly wasn't the worst, either. "Oh, and I invited Lee," Kara said, in as breezy a manner as she could manage. "So he's coming, too."
Sharon was drinking her beer when Kara announced the news about Lee coming to dinner, and she nearly choked. As it was, she started coughing. "Sorry... bad... whew, just went down the wrong way." Lee? Here? Frak. Why? Why would he agree to come here knowing that she would be here, too? Unless he hadn't known... "Wow, so Lee?" Sharon tried to play it off as casually as possible. "You two still managing to bury the past and stay friends, then, I take it?"
"Careful, there," Kara said, completely missing that Sharon's reaction might have had anything to do with Lee. Leoben was not incorrect in his assessment of Kara's inability to notice subtlety. He, however, was something of an expert at it, and Leoben looked up sharply from where he was in the kitchen, feeling something odd from his sister-Cylon and wondering what it was. He remained quiet, however, and didn't ask. She would explain if she wished. Or, alternately, Kara would drag it out of her somehow.
Kara answered Sharon's question about Lee after taking another drink. "I guess. It was actually kind of...okay, you know how I am, right? He was being all weird at me, probably because of...well, guess," Kara said, rolling her eyes. "And he kept going are you really all right, you know, like Sam and Leoben are keeping me locked up--" Kara stopped short, suddenly very aware of Leoben's gaze on her from the kitchen. "Anyway, I was mad, so I said, come over for dinner if you want to see how I'm doing." She smiled brightly at Sharon. "And so he said he would. I think we both didn't actually really mean for this to happen, but. Now we're stuck. That's why I invited you, because I thought it might get really awkward."
Awkward. Yes, that was certainly something that tonight would be, now that the married Cylons would all be in one room with the cheating women. Well, in her case, she was cheating and a Cylon, while Kara wasn't technically cheating if... oh, she was getting a headache just thinking about it. "Lee," she repeated, still unbelieving. "Does he know that I'm going to be here?" Was that why he'd agreed to come for dinner? Had he wanted to talk to her about 'them'? Frak, frak, frak. "Sorry, I was just wondering if I would have to discuss business over dinner. I'd rather not."
"Oh, no, I didn't tell him. I decided to invite you after Sam and I had a fight about it." Kara winced as it occurred to her how that sounded. "Not about you. About Lee. He thought maybe I was trying to move someone else in," she said, rolling her eyes.
"I don't think that was actually why he was angry," Leoben said from the kitchen.
"You weren't there," Kara snapped back at him, without looking. "So shut up. How would you know?"
"They don't realize what good hearing we have," Leoben said to Sharon, sighing. "This house isn't very big, Kara. And you do tend to shout when you're angry."
"Just ignore him." Kara waved her hand dismissively. "And you don't have to talk about business. If he starts, I can say something inappropriate," she offered helpfully. "I'm good at that."
Sharon couldn't help but smile a little at the exchange between Kara and Leoben. It was all entirely too domestic. "I'm envious of this," she admitted. "I've been so busy lately, I hardly have anytime to see Karl or Hera these days. It feels like I'm spending all my time either with D'Anna or Lee, but you? You're arguing and cooking and having a normal life." As normal as Kara Thrace would ever have, she supposed.
Kara took another swig of her beer. "I'm definitely doing more arguing than cooking," she admitted, then took a moment to really look at her friend. Sharon looked tired, a little, but who didn't? They'd all just fought a war, and it left its mark on everyone. Still, there was something about Sharon that seemed a little off, but Kara wasn't sure what exactly it was. She hoped the other humans weren't giving her a hard time for being a Cylon--everyone knew Athena was a hero.
"Arguing makes us normal? Did you hear that, baby?" Sam came in, grinning at his wife. "And here we thought we had it all frakked up."
"Hurrah," Kara said, deadpan, finishing her beer.
Sam walked over and smiled at Sharon. "Hey. Good to see you. Helo not with you?" Sam had always liked Helo, and had been looking forward to seeing him. "I keep thinking I should tell him to give up Raptors and go out for my Pyramid team."
"I'm sure whenever he gets the chance, he'd love to play more Pyramid with you guys. You know he was a huge fan of the C-Bucks," Sharon grinned before standing to hug Sam. "And no, he's taking care of Hera for me. I'm flying solo tonight, so to speak, although I heard we have a certain Lee Adama joining us, too? I don't know what to do. I'm feeling outnumbered by all the men," she teased Kara, trying to keep everything light and her mind off Lee.
"I feel that way every day," Kara said in a very serious voice. "Sometimes it's not so bad, though." She giggled, noting the way Sam flushed a little. He would never, ever admit to enjoying certain aspects of their odd relationship, but that was all right. If she had enough to drink, Kara would just admit it for him.
Sam shook his head at Kara's remark and hugged Sharon back. "Yeah, I guess he is," he responded, not entirely comfortable with the idea of spending the evening with the man for whom Kara had almost left him. He did take a moment to feel the strange sensation of recognizing Sharon Agathon as another Cylon, which was becoming a little more comfortable but which was still weird.
"I would invite more girls, but I don't know that many," Kara said. She stood up and went to get another beer. "Girls never did like me much."
"Same here," Sharon replied, a little easier now that the subject matter was changing. "Then again, I suppose the humans are outnumbered, right?"
If there could have been a more awkward moment for him to make his entrance, Lee couldn't think of it. He supposed that Sharon's comment had been made off-handedly, and the truth was that she was correct... but it didn't make him any less nervous about the fact, now that it had been pointed out. Lee cleared his throat. "Hope I'm not late," he said, trying to pretend as if he hadn't heard. What in all the world he was doing there, Lee still couldn't quite figure out, especially now that he knew Sharon Agathon would be at Kara's bizarre dinner party, too.
Sure that the words I'M FRAKKING SHARON were all but glowing bright yellow over his head, Lee nodded to Sharon, then to Kara. "Dee sends her regrets. Anything stops working in CIC and she's always the first person they grab to fix it."
Kara had the very unkind thought that it was more like Anytime you're involved, Kara, Dee wants nothing to do with it. Kara couldn't really blame her, though, could she? Even if she and Lee hadn't technically cheated, Kara had been willing to do it. And then she had, with Leoben, and look where she ended up. Dee was probably thinking Kara wanted Lee to move in or something.
She definitely didn't want that. She'd meant what she'd said to Sam. She was very glad she and Lee Adama had realized they were family, and that was all they should ever be.
"Hey," Kara said to Lee. She grinned. "You came. I think I lost a bet to Sam. Oh, and Sharon's here. I didn't think you'd mind."
Lee shrugged, doing his very best impression of someone who didn't have a thing in the world to hide. "Not at all-- unless anyone objects to just a little shop talk, I think it's a little bit unavoidable."
He turned to Sharon, keeping the nonchalant expression pasted onto his face. "In fact, Sharon, I was wondering if you had some time tomorrow to meet about resource distribution. I got a couple of reports I wanted to get your opinion on."
That much he knew sounded completely innocent. Over time, they'd both gotten very good at making arrangements.
Sharon tried to keep an easy smile on her face as soon as Lee got there, but she didn't know exactly if she pulled it off. "More business, Lee?" She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, trying to make an effort of looking put out by the whole thing. She had, after all, completed all the reports already that she knew Lee needed. "Sure. Early in the morning, though. Hera's sick and I don't want Karl to have to take care of her all alone. Although, if you'd like to stop by and say 'hi' to her after he leaves for work, you're more than welcome." Hera would actually be at Cottle's and the place would be empty, and Lee knew that. Hopefully it sounded normal, though.
Sam, not entirely sure he wanted Lee Adama in his dining room (such as it was), remembered his conversation with Kara and said, "Hey, Lee." He would be damned if he called Lee anything remotely relating to being the Vice President, not when the man was in his house and Sam hadn't actually been consulted about inviting him. Determined not to spend the evening pissed at Kara, he put his arm around his wife's waist and held his hand out to the other man. "Good to see you."
He thought he heard Leoben cough in the kitchen.
Lee made a note of what Sharon had told him, underneath what she'd said. He still wasn't sure what unnerved him the most about their trysts-- that they were going on at all, or that they had become so casual to arrange, so much a part of their lives that they found reasons and ways to be together without thinking.
Hearing Sam approach, Lee turned. He and Sam had come to a certain kind of comfort level when they'd thought Kara had died, but ever since her return, the old tension seemed to have been rebuilding. Still, Sam offered, so Lee took his hand and shook it firmly. "Sam, same to you. You've done quite a job with the place."
"Thanks," Sam said, shaking Lee's hand. He relaxed a little, looking around their house. "It helps to have someone who can lift heavy stuff and hold it in place." Sam looked around. "We still need a back wall of the house, though I kind of like being able to see the ocean."
"You won't like it when it starts snowing," Kara said, easing out of Sam's grip that now he'd made his point. Honestly. Kara smiled at Lee. "You want a drink?"
Leoben walked into the dining room. He nodded at Lee, and said simply, "Hi."
Kara went a bit still, waiting. So far, this was okay, wasn't it? No one was hitting anyone, Sam was on his best behavior...as long as Lee didn't decide to deck Leoben for New Caprica or something, maybe everything would be okay.
I am going to owe Sharon Agathon so many babysitting hours.
"Well," Sharon said with another smile on her face and a quick hug to Kara, "isn't this awkward? I'm guessing it was all Kara's bright idea." She had never been one to mince words when it came to the people she cared about, and she wasn't going to start now. Although I'm better than Kara is... "Maybe we should play a game of Triad or get some more to drink to take the edge off?"
Lee tensed as the Cylon joined the group. For a moment, it startled him at how he counted Leoben as "the Cylon", and yet Sam and Sharon as people, but considering the history, he shouldn't have been. "Actually," Lee spoke up, setting the small, roughly-wrapped package he'd almost forgotten to bring on the table and opening it to reveal a large bottle of ambrosia. "I brought a housewarming gift. At the risk of offending anyone, it seemed appropriate for this... occasion."
"Ambrosia is appropriate for all occasions," Kara said. She looked at Sharon. "Of course it was my idea. Sam's convinced no one likes him because he's a Cylon, and I don't think Leoben has anyone to invite to dinner."
"Kara," Sam said, shaking his head. What was there to say? His wife had little enough tact when she wasn't drinking. Gods only knew what she was going to say after a few shots of ambrosia.
Leoben just shrugged, unperturbed by Kara's remark. He'd never been very social, even with his own kind. "I'll get some glasses," he said, going to the kitchen and finding a few shotglasses. That had been one thing Kara'd brought--he was fairly certain she'd had her own set on Galactica.
"Sam, you know that's not true. Not on my end, at least." Sharon tried to offer him a smile. If anyone knew what it was like to be a Cylon trying to fit into the human world, it would be her. Maybe not as well as the other Final Cylons, or like Boomer, but she was pretty sure she understood him better than Leoben did. Who was getting glasses for them... "Thanks," she managed politely once he returned with them. "God, ambrosia, Lee? Really? I think the last time I had some was when you and I were celebrating at your office." Sharon realized too late what she'd said, and hoped that Lee would be able to come up with some reason why they'd been 'celebrating'.
Lee was sure he'd never actually wanted to drop dead instantly, not even when the Blackbird had been shot down, but he was pretty sure that if there were ever an opportune moment, this would have been it. How in the frak could Sharon have let something like that slip? Granted, he'd caught himself nearly contradicting himself or forgetting his story, but this was just... Something he couldn't think about now. He needed to cover.
"Right, after the, uh... the dam was completed. Never thought they'd get the generators online, with the Cylon and human workers breaking into fistfights every couple of hours." It sounded all right to Lee's ears, but he wondered just how tuned in everyone else in the room was.
Kara was too keyed up from stress to notice anything not explicitly obvious, and nothing about Lee's story sounded strange to her. Sam was too busy trying not to be annoyed at Lee Adama for being in his living room, and despite Kara's assurances, he couldn't help the old doubt that crept in when he saw his wife around her former lover--as brief a time as they'd actually been lovers. The night before we got married. Great.
Leoben, however, was watching Sharon with a speculative gaze. He heard what Lee said about the workers and thought privately it was probably the humans who had started it--though he supposed they had reason enough to be angry. Tempers were running high, and there were times people forgot the Cylons on Earth had fought beside them in the last battle, not against them like on New Caprica.
"I bet you'd get mad at me if I started celebrating in my office at flight school." Kara grinned at Lee. "Do I actually get an office?"
"No office," Sharon said, glad that Lee was able to cover it up without anyone noticing, but she had caught the look he'd given to her. "I don't even have an office, which is why I'm practically living at Lee's whenever I'm not home." And again, she frakked up. What was wrong with her? She was never this sloppy. Part of her wanted to blame Leoben or Kara or the strange dinner they were getting ready to have. Sighing, she pulled Kara aside. "Hey, I want to talk to you a bit. Without the boys," she said, realizing that, partly, they were all Kara's men somehow.
"Okay," Kara said, and turned to Leoben. "Don't say anything crazy," she said to him, pointing warningly. "You know how you get."
Leoben said, with an absolutely straight face, "You never let me have any fun," to which Sam had to cover up a laugh with a cough.
Kara rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "You boys place nice, all right? And if you start beating each other up, wait until we get back to watch." She winked at Sam, pleased when he smiled at her. "Save some of that ambrosia for us," she said, tugging Sharon back towards the bedrooms. Leoben's was closest, so she opened the door and gestured for her friend to go in first. Leoben's room was very neat and orderly (another reason she'd gone in), the bed made, the only decoration the mural Kara had painted for him on the far wall. It was actually the only one in the house she'd finished. "What's up?"
She frowned, not really sure why she'd dragged Kara off in the first place. "I don't know. Something's off with me, I think." She looked at her friend pleadingly. "Do I seem 'off' to you?" No, that wasn't the question she wanted to ask her. She sat on Leoben's bed, noticing the mural and smiling, then fixed her gaze on Kara. "Alright, so you, Sam, and Leoben. You guys all make it work somehow. Now, at least, but before, did you ever...? I mean...?" Frak. "Do you love them both? Have you always loved them both?"
Kara leaned against the wall, focusing on Sharon. "I hadn't noticed until you told me, but you know how I am. I need a two-by-four to the head, sometimes." She gave a wry grin. "Before you got here, Leoben said something about how I suck at subtlety." She waved a hand airily. "That's the succinct version. Anyway, he was right." She thought for a moment about what Sharon had asked. She usually answered this question with yes, we're fine to the people who were actually brave enough to ask her to her face, which were admittedly not very many. For Sharon, she'd try to tell the truth.
"There are times I'm surprised we haven't killed each other," Kara said bluntly. "And yeah. I do love them both. I don't know how, and with Leoben I don't even know why half the godsdamned time, but I do." She looked up at the mural, lost in thought. "I was sleeping with him. Leoben. And Sam walked in and caught us. I was sleeping with him again, too." Kara looked askance at her friend. "I know how that sounds, believe me. And I thought it was just sex, with Leoben. Gods. It would have been easier if it was."
She looked down at her hands, wringing them out as she took in Kara's words and their meaning. "That's... great. No, really, I mean you love them. Both of them." She tried to think her words through one more time before asking, "But did you always love them both? Sam was the one who was good for you, Kara, we both know that. And Leoben... well, he was the one who had hurt you back on New Caprica and who knows how many times before that. You didn't love him then, did you? It was wrong, it was..."
She knew now she wasn't talking about Kara's life any longer, but she wondered if her friend would pick up on that.
Kara stared at Sharon. "I don't know. I felt something for Leoben, even on New Caprica, even though I knew I shouldn't. I should have hated him--I did hate him. But you know what they say, about the line between love and hate? It's a cliche because it's frakking true." Kara crossed her arms and looked sharply at her friend. "What the frak is going on, Sharon? Even I'm not dense enough to miss that something's up. What is it?"
Something clicked, and her eyes widened. "Why are you asking me about being in love with two men?"
Sharon's eyes widened slightly and she pressed her lips into a thin line. "Just... curious," she lied, although not that well because with all the time that she and Lee had been at it, she was getting tired of lying, especially to Helo. "I guess I just need to know how you manage it, or what you thought when it started out. That whole love and hate thing you mentioned? Just how you can hate someone for hurting you and yet you can't stop going back to them..." God, by now, Kara had probably figured it all out, she realized. Frak.
"I thought, as I usually do, that I was frakking crazy. Then I thought it would never work and that we were all going to kill each other. But there's...I don't know, some kind of balance. It makes it okay. Leoben could probably explain it with a lot of metaphors, if you want to ask him." Kara stared out of Leoben's window, thinking. "I hated him for what he did to me. I hated how much he hurt me--not my body, that I'm used to, I'm a soldier. My mind. He frakked with my mind. And yet I've always...there's been something between us from the second we met. I'll never forget that happy little laugh of his on the Gemanon when he found out who I was." Kara's voice drifted a bit. "After we found Earth, before the war started, I just wanted my mind to be quiet. He does that, somehow, for me. I don't know."
Kara blinked, shaking herself out of her thoughts for a moment. She fixed Sharon with a stare. Comprehension dawned. "You're in love with someone else, aren't you? Someone who hurt you--" Kara stopped short. "No," she said, gaping. "Tell me I'm wrong. It's not--it's not Lee?"
"No!" Sharon shook her head a few times, hugging herself, after listening to Kara's story. "No, I love Karl, you know that. And Hera, they are my world. I don't deserve someone as amazing and understanding as him. He stood by me when I pushed him away, he protected me when I was... attacked." Attacked. The word everyone else used, but Sharon in her mind always heard rape instead. She shuddered a little. "He stayed with me all through my pregnancy and after, when we thought that... frak." She ran a hand through her hair. Surely Kara could understand? "I love him more than anything. He is good to me and safe and wonderful and how could I possibly live up to the idea of me that he has in his mind? I've almost ruined his life on several occasions!" Yeah, Kara probably knew what that felt like, she guessed. "Lee... God. It's nothing. It's frakking, it's wrong and... I can't stop. It's like I'm on stems, addicted, and I know I should stop but I can't..."
"I used to hate myself," Kara said quietly, "every time I left Leoben's room. I hated how I couldn't stop going to him, how much I hated that I loved what he did to me." She smiled tightly at Sharon. "And then I'd go to Sam--Sam, who loved me. Sam, who stood by me when no one else did. I was cheating on him with the man who had kidnapped me, mentally tortured me for months. And I couldn't stop. And then Sam came to me, after the war, and wanted to have a life with me. Wanted to start over, just the two of us. And what did I do? I went and told him it wouldn't work unless Leoben was there, too. And I was right," she said. "It wouldn't. Because there is something about the two of them that makes it work where it wouldn't if it were just me and Sam, or me and Leoben."
Kara went and sat next to Sharon. "It doesn't sound like it's nothing. If you're doing this, and frak, Sharon--you're not me. I frak people and it never matters. I don't think that's you," she said bluntly. "I think this matters."
"Maybe," she whispered quietly, hating herself for admitting even that much. "But what am I supposed to do? Tell Karl, 'Hey, Lee's moving in with us. He can be Uncle Lee to Hera, she won't mind!'" She shook her head. "God, Lee was right. There's something about the way we end up hurting each other that still makes things fit somehow, that fills in missing pieces of our lives, but it's like you said, Kara." She took a deep breath. "I'm not you. I'm not."
"It's a good thing you're not me," Kara said, smiling slightly. "The world might end if there were two of me. Again." She winced. "You know what I mean." Kara put her hand on her friend's shoulder, which wasn't something she did often. Physical affection did not come easy for her, and only to a few who really deserved it. "I don't like to think that he's hurting you. It makes me want to beat him up." She patted Sharon's shoulder, a little awkwardly. "Does he--I mean, is this more than sex for him, too?" Kara felt a little weird talking about this, but it was obvious Sharon needed someone to talk to. Besides, Kara valued Sharon's acceptance of her and her relationships, and wanted to give back if she could.
"Yes. Well, it's what he told me, and I believe him." Sharon looked up at Kara, a half-smile on her face. "And, no, he's not hurting me that way, and I'm not hurting him back. There have been times when I've gotten frustrated in the heat of things and hit him with my full-strength, and he's asked for more as penance, or something. Once, he was so drunk that he almost... you know what? Can we not talk about this?" This, of course, meaning that aspect of the relationship. She figured it was odd for Kara to hear, considering she and Lee were friends and had been lovers once. "I've asked him what it meant to him, all of this, since we kept hurting ourselves and lying to our spouses. He said he couldn't let me go." Sharon laughed. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, really?"
Kara blinked. Something Sharon said resonated with her, about being hit and asking for penance. She'd done something similar with Leoben. "I get it. I do. I mean, I don't care if you want to talk about your sex life with my ex-lover-who-is-really-like-a-brother-best-friend," Kara said, and she had to laugh at that. "I really don't. It's been over a long time, with us." Kara thought about what Sharon had said. "It means just that. He can't let you go. He will hurt whoever he has to, he will do whatever it takes, to keep you with him." Kara raised a brow. "Believe me. I know all about this. I have a certain blond Cylon who kind of operates under similar procedures," she said wryly. "Maybe Lee's taking notes."
Something about this was so surreal--and that was something, coming from Kara--that she just had to make jokes. Otherwise, she wasn't sure what she should even say.
Kara confirming everything almost made it worse. "Maybe we should get back now," she sighed, not really wanting to go but knowing they should. "I'd hate for the boys to be beating each other up, talking about politics, or discussing religion while we were gone. God knows what sort of trouble they might have gotten themselves into if they had."
"Oh, Gods. I did tell Leoben to try and talk without so many frakking metaphors," Kara said, standing up. She looked down at her friend. "You've always been there for me. Even when...when maybe I didn't deserve it," she said, remembering how she'd been on the Demetrius, half-crazed and unable to think, or sleep, or focus on anything but the way to Earth. "And I'm not going to tell anyone, or frak this up for you. But I think you should tell Helo. This kind of lying always ends bad," Kara said, absolutely bluntly. "And I'm only saying it because I care about you, and because I know how true it is."
There was a polite knock on the door. "Hi," Leoben said, looking at them both. "Sam had an idea of what you might be up to back here, but I told him Kara usually only does that with women she doesn't really like--"
"Okay, go back to the metaphors," Kara said hastily, glaring at him. "Gods. Sam. He's such a guy about that."
"Dinner's ready," Leoben said simply, then he fixed his sharp gaze on Sharon. "Are you all right, sister?" he asked politely. "You don't seem yourself."
"I'm... hey, maybe I'll talk to you about this later in a more private conversation." There, she would take at least that much of Kara's advice. At the very least, Sharon felt a little weight off her shoulders now that the truth was known to someone. To Kara especially, since she considered her such a close friend and hated lying to her. "Let's go see what you cooked up for us."
Leoben nodded and made a gesture for her to go past him. "Fish. With some rice. Nothing exciting, but Sam found some spices somewhere and so at least there's that." He looked curiously at Kara, who just shrugged and then idly patted him on the back as she walked by him. That made Leoben immediately suspicious; Kara was never casually affectionate with him. He followed the two women into the dining room, figuring she'd tell him what was the matter if she wanted him to know.
Kara went immediately to the kitchen. She was going to need another drink, and she had a feeling everyone else would, too.
Sharon followed and made an effort not to look at Lee. That was for another discussion entirely. Maybe they could eat and have a somewhat "normal" conversation during dinner? Sharon could only hope.
Lee had spent the time doing everything he could to press himself into a corner and disappear. As relieved as he might have been to not have to continue covering up for Sharon's inexplicable slips, it was an entirely different thing to be basically trapped in a room with Sam, who clearly wasn't happy about having Lee there, and Leoben, who even outside of being a Cylon, was pretty much a stranger. Lee had mostly stared into his glass, while Leoben puttered and Sam glared. After a while, even Sam had started talking as if Lee wasn't there, which was fine. It gave Lee plenty of time to worry over what Kara and Sharon were discussing.
When the women got back, their expressions made Lee hopeful that there wasn't going to be some big discussion. At least they might be able to finish the dinner in something resembling comfort. Anything else would wait until later.
Kara was dressed in her uniform for the first time in several weeks. It felt strange after so much time in civilian clothes, but she found she was glad to put it on. Kara was a soldier, and while she'd always been a bit unpredictable, there were aspects to military life she enjoyed. The familiarity of something as simple as dress was actually somewhat welcome at the moment, when her entire life felt like it was in such upheaval.
Despite everything that had happened--finding Earth, defeating the Cylons--Kara had to fight back the feeling of impending doom, as if it was all going to be snatched away from her. She was pretty sure it wasn't just her--she wasn't the only one who went outside at night and stared at the night sky, wondering if any of the cold lights above marked the approach of a Cylon basestar--but, as with everything, Kara felt it with an intensity that left her occasionally moody and tense. Having something to do that wasn't working on the house or painting, it was good for her. She'd been nervous about getting her orders, but she shouldn't have been; as she'd thought, the Admiral had told her that she'd be flying a few recon missions, doing some routine patrols in her Viper, but that her primary job would be training new recruits.
Are you grounding me, Sir? she'd asked, standing at attention, not entirely sure if her smile was genuine or forced. It was hard to tell, sometimes, even for her.
I'm giving you a chance to live your life, Adama had said in his gravel-rough voice. As...interestingly...as you've chosen to live it.
She should have expected that. Her domestic arrangements weren't a secret, after all, and she knew it wasn't going to be easy when she went back to work. Everyone had an opinion, and she was pretty sure she was going to hear about it.
Kara had saluted without saying a word. She pushed back the old longing she had, that desperateness for the Admiral's approval, and had simply taken her orders without comment. (There was a first time for everything, after all.) On her way out of the building that housed the provisional government, she saw a familiar figure ahead of her. Smiling, Kara rushed to catch him, forgetting for a moment everything that lay between them. "Hey, Lee. Or do I have to call you Mr. Vice President, now?" Kara teased, falling into step beside him.
Lee nodded to the aide who'd handed him yet another folder crammed full of paperwork. It would go on the bottom of the pile back in his office, which meant it would soon be about eye level, rather than only up to his chin. Although Laura Roslin was still just as much President over the people here on Earth, her health concerns demanded that she be as close to the best medical facilities the fleet offered, which meant the Executive Branch was now split between Colonial One and this drab concrete shell. Tucking the folder under his arm, Lee gave Kara a half smile.
"If you do that, you're going to have to salute, too. If you're not up to it, I'd just leave it at Lee."
He was heading for the exit, looking forward to heading home-- if you could call the temporary shelter he was sharing with Dee a "home". Kara seemed content to follow. "I understand the Admiral handed you new marching orders, emphasis on the marching and not flying."
Kara just raised her eyebrow at him. "I can salute you if you want, but do you mind if we just keep walking?" She looked around, eyes narrowed. "Lot of suits around this place. Of course, you're one now." Kara followed him towards the exit. "And yeah, I did. I still have some recons, a few patrols here and there. But I'm starting up in a week with some new recruits. I'm sure they're going to be thrilled, but hey. I'm the best." It was a shadow of her former cocky smile. The war had taken things from them all.
Kara kept her voice very neutral. She'd never been sure if Lee had forgiven her for Zak. It was easy to forgive things in the heat of war, and when peacetime came...all of those tensions could come back, all the old grudges. Kara just smiled, as much as she could manage, and said lightly, "Guess the Old Man decided it was time to ground me."
"Sounds to me like he'd rather have you down here screaming at Nuggets instead of up there, complaining about how there's no action to be had on CAP anymore," Lee offered. He didn't believe that was the entire reason, of course. His father hadn't consulted with Lee regarding the decision (not that he needed to), but if that meeting had happened, Lee would've backed this plan, anyway.
Add to that the rumors that had been swirling around Kara and her... domestic situation. Lee had done his best to avoid the loose talk and innuendos, and he knew that Dee was more than happy to not have Kara Thrace's name mentioned between them. The animosity Lee's wife had toward his one-time lover didn't seem to burn as hot as it once did, but he wasn't about to tempt fate.
"So where are you headed, 'God'?" he asked, using Kara's usual self-appointed training nickname. "Did you teach Sam how to cook rations yet?"
"Home, I guess." Kara made a face. "I haven't really gotten used to that, yes. I go outside with Sam for a run, every morning, on the beach--and yet I still don't really believe we're actually here." Kara shook her head. "Strange how things end up." I was supposed to be frakking dead. "And I'm the last person who should teach Sam how to cook. Have you ever seen me prepare a meal? I'd starve, Lee. I don't do any of the cooking, it was a unanimous decision."
Actually, Leoben did most of their cooking--he was the only one who was any good at it. But Kara wasn't stupid, and she was deliberately leaving her lover's name out of the conversation. It was odd that Lee would be more comfortable with Sam, considering he'd almost airlocked him, but Kara didn't want to bring it up. "How are you? Getting by?" She hadn't seen Lee in ages, not really. And she knew she should ask about Dee, but that just reminded her of the strangeness between them, of things better left forgotten. "I bet you got a house that actually had four walls," she teased, as they neared the exit.
The laugh at the ludicrous image of Kara Thrace playing happy homemaker died before it was voiced. If she didn't cook and Sam didn't cook, then... He sighed inwardly. Then it was the Cylon. Leoben. Lee didn't understand it, couldn't understand it in the least. But then he was hardly the right man to pose as the defender of the family unit, considering his best friend and he had all but committed adultery, and he actually had committed-- no, was committing-- it with Sharon Agathon. Yet another relationship he couldn't understand, and he was half of it.
"Four walls, but by the smell of it, we must've used it as a repair shack back on the algae planet or something."
Once they were outside the building and apart from prying ears, Lee stopped. He sighed. "Are you... you know, are you doing all right?" Part of him wondered if he should check on her.
Kara clasped her hands behind her back, falling in step with him, her military training too deeply ingrained to do anything else. When he stopped, she stopped, too. "Everyone says it just like that, when they ask me," she said, her voice torn between annoyance and exasperated amusement. "I'm...it's...things are weird. Not just my...it's weird to be here. On Earth. Alive. I never thought I'd live to see the end of it." Kara swallowed, looking off into the distance, squinting against the harsh light of the sun. She needed sunglasses, but who had those anymore?
"I'm fine, really." Kara gave him a half-smile, challenging. "If you don't believe me, you could come over for dinner." She absolutely did not believe for a second he'd agree.
"Yeah, well... weird definitely seems to be par for the course ever since we left the Colonies behind." And if there had ever been an award presented for understatement, Lee was certain it was his name being etched onto the plaque right then and there. "But you've got to admit, there's weird, and then there's--" What, Lee? There's sneaking off every chance you get to frak a woman who is not your wife, married herself, and a Cylon? He sighed. "Anyway, I hope you really are fine."
Call it some protective instinct, or morbid curiosity. Call it a single solitary moment of impulsiveness. Whatever prompted it, Lee nodded. "Fine. When?"
Kara would have called him on it--what the frak are you trying to say?--but she was momentarily shocked that he'd agreed, and she had no idea what to say. She'd been so convinced he'd refuse that it had never occurred to her that he might do anything else, and she'd not exactly run this one by anyone she lived with, and--
"Tomorrow," she said, too fast, so that it didn't look like she'd been caught off guard. Whatever else she was, she was still Kara. "Come over tomorrow." She had no idea how she was going to pull this one off. She wasn't an idiot, and she knew Sam and Lee had some tension--strangely, more than Sam and Leoben did, which was saying something--and she wasn't sure how this was going to work, exactly.
Maybe I'll invite Sharon. That'll make it less awkward. "You can bring Dee, too," Kara said, but she would bet her last cubit that that wouldn't happen.
He was tempted-- sorely tempted, in fact-- to make sure that his wife accompanied him to the bizarre social engagement he'd just made. It would help to have at least one other person in the room as aghast as he was. But Lee wasn't inclined to put Dee through that, not when he was doing enough to the woman behind her back already. "I'll ask her," he said to Kara, "she's pretty busy these days."
"Tomorrow, then," said Lee, confirming the idea just as much for himself as for Kara. "See you then." He turned, walking in the direction of his living quarters, wondering just what the frak he'd just done.
* * *
Kara stood in the center of their half-finished kitchen, dressed in jeans and a black halter top, her hair pulled back in a low ponytail. Leoben was cooking something, she had no idea what--fish, maybe, they had a lot of that--and she was trying to avoid having a drink before their guests arrived. She'd invited Sharon, too, and was relieved her friend was coming--though she'd conveniently forgotten to tell Sharon that Lee would be there, too.
She had planned on telling Sharon, but telling Sam had resulted in an argument that she wasn't really all that interested in repeating. She and Sam had worked through things, and while it had been a good conversation, it was the kind that made Kara want to drink herself stupid and pass out for a week to forget about it.
It was weird that the two men she was living with were far more comfortable talking about their feelings than she was. Weird, but probably for the best. They'd be as loopy as Baltar's hippy love cult if all they did was sit around and feel all day long.
She wasn't sure exactly what Leoben thought about any of this, though, because she hadn't really bothered to ask him. Which was probably kind of bad. Kara realized, a tad guiltily, that she didn't ask Leoben how he felt about a lot of things. Sam, during their fight, had said she felt entitled to treat Leoben however she wanted because of New Caprica. Kara, in a rare moment of self-introspection, started at Leoben's back and wondered if that were indeed true. She also wondered why Sam was sticking up for Leoben, and what the hell that meant.
Now's not the time to fix any of this, Kara told herself firmly. However, she still felt vaguely unsettled at the way she'd told Sam about dinner but had assumed Leoben just wouldn't care. In her defense, a lot of things that bothered other people (like her and Sam, for example) didn't seem to bother him much. She and Sam definitely were the ones in their household with a temper. "Hey," she said softly, hopping up on the counter--they'd just put those in last week--and kicking her feet against the cabinet beneath. It was metal--she thought it was a file cabinet, maybe, before it showed up in their kitchen--and it made a somewhat satisfying noise when her heels came in contact with it.
Leoben turned around, watching her with the same hawk-like intensity he always did. Kara had thought he'd get over that habit, eventually, but he hadn't. "Hi."
Kara bit her lip, then said in a rush, "You don't care that I invited Lee Adama for dinner, right? I mean, you shouldn't care. Because it's not like you have any reason to care." Kara glared at him. "Don't tell me you think you have some frakking reason to be all weird about it."
Leoben tilted his head. "What question do you want me to answer?" he asked her solicitously, sounding very patient. "Or was that not really a question?"
"I just don't think you should care," Kara said, hands on the countertop, leaning forward slightly. She realized she was tense, and her voice was angry, and she was glaring at Leoben as if she was mad at him. Which she was, even though she realized that it was irrational. "It's not like you even know him all that well," she said, crossing her arms. "Have you two even exchanged more than six words? I don't think so," she answered for him. "So you really don't have any reason to care that he's coming over."
Leoben was quiet for a few minutes. "How about I answer the first question you asked me--you don't care that I invited Lee Adama for dinner, right?--"
"--I know what the frak I said," Kara snapped. "You don't have to repeat it."
Leoben wiped his hands on a kitchen towel that used to be someone's shirt. "No. I don't care. And the only reason I would have would be if he made you uncomfortable--"
"--why would that be? What are you trying to say, Leoben?" Kara snapped, sliding off the cabinet and standing in front of him. She tilted her chin up in challenge, though he wasn't that much taller than her, and put her hands on her hips.
Leoben looked, momentarily, like he was trying not to laugh. "I'll tell you, if you let me finish," he said, and he did sound amused, which just made Kara more irritated. "He clearly makes Sam uncomfortable, but you two seemed to have dealt with that. So, no, I don't care."
Kara narrowed her eyes. "Why the frak would you care if Sam was uncomfortable?"
"Kara," Leoben said, and he cast his eyes upwards, towards the ceiling; praying for patience, probably. Kara noticed he did that a lot around her. "I'm quite content with my domestic situation being one of harmony and contentment. On the rare occasions when it happens," he said with a small smile. "You and Sam seem to be more fond of...ah, let's say, excitement in that area than I. I don't want either of you to be unhappy. Is this so hard to understand?"
Kara blinked at him, surprised. "I just...I figured it, I guess, about me. But just not him. You weren't always that way. You used to like to annoy him."
"That's because it's so very easy. You're the same way, you know." Leoben smiled at her when she glared, but she couldn't really argue with him. "But it's not malicious, not in the slightest."
Kara thought about that. "It used to be," she said, voice accusatory. "Don't lie, I remember." Leoben just smiled at her in response, which wasn't exactly an answer.
"You have to admit, don't you, that your strong suit does not lie in noticing the subtleties of personal interactions," Leoben said dryly. "Or how they may change over time."
Kara stuck her tongue out at him, but she couldn't really argue with him about that, either. Nothing having to do with subtleties was Kara's strong suit. Also, she realized with some consternation that she'd just picked a fight with him when she'd actually meant to apologize for not asking about this sooner. Sometimes, I frakking make myself tired. "Okay, so, I'm sorry," she said, completely gracelessly. Kara had a problem apologizing in general, but it was especially bad with Leoben. "I guess maybe I should have asked you, too."
"I'm not angry, just surprised," Leoben said, and turned back to dinner. Kara, predictably enough, latched onto that as yet another reason to be antagonistic.
"Why? We're friends. I mean, just because Lee's a politician now--do you think that means he'll forget about me?"
Leoben didn't turn around as he answered her. "No. I think you live with two Cylons, and he has no idea what to say to you about it, so he'll just pretend that you don't and he'll ignore it altogether. It's hard to ignore it if the situation is staring him in the face, so that's why I'm surprised he agreed to come here for dinner with the three of us."
"Don't you want to say something about muddy streams or throwing rocks in a pool or something?" Kara asked him huffily, reconsidering her idea not to drink until dinner. Maybe she'd just wait until Sharon showed up. That would be reasonable, wouldn't it? Besides, it would only be polite to offer Sharon a drink after she informed her Lee was coming to dinner, too.
"No, but I can say it that way if it will make you feel better," Leoben said, his voice infuriatingly calm, and Kara decided it might be a good idea to get out of the kitchen before she availed herself of the cutlery and the proximity to his back. She marched out of the kitchen, muttering something about him being impossible, barely noticing Sam as he entered the kitchen.
Sam took one look at Kara's face as she left, looked at Leoben, and said only, "Did I miss something?"
"Kara being Kara," Leoben said, and the two men exchanged a look. It was almost sympathetic. If Kara had been there, she'd probably have been pissed off to see it. Instead, she went outside, to the front of the house, and waited. She really, really hoped Sharon would show up first. She paced a little outside, feeling out of sorts, and wondered what the hell she'd done and how much of a disaster this evening was going to be.
"Kara!" Sharon practically wanted to run up to her and hug her since it had been awhile since their last talk. Military training kicked in, though, and she walked carefully up to her friend before giving her a hug. "Karl's babysitting Hera. She's sick -- don't worry, it's nothing bad. Cottle said she'll be over it in a few weeks, but to be on the safe side Karl's going to spoil her rotten. You know how he can be with her." The invitation of dinner had been welcome, though, for Sharon. As the new Cylon/human liaison, she didn't seem to have a lot of free time anymore. Part military, dealing with Admiral Adama, part Cylon, dealing with all of the displaced Cylons and trying to get them integrated on Earth, part government, dealing with President Roslin and Lee Adama... well, it didn't make for much of a social life. Still, she was proud that she'd been appointed the position considering she felt she was the most qualified (despite the claims Caprica had made).
There was also the small benefit that having to take meetings with Lee Adama allowed her to continue her affair with him in secret. "So, who's cooking dinner? Tell me it's not you," she teased lightly.
"Of course it's not me," Kara said, hugging her friend back. "We used to take turns, but I think that stopped the night I somehow managed to burn rice and then Sam did something to these vegetables that...well, it wasn't good. Anyway, don't worry, we'll give you edible food." Kara smiled, feeling a bit more light-hearted than she had in days. "It's really good to see you. I'm sorry about Hera. When she's feeling better, bring her over for a visit. Maybe we can figure out how to make cookies. And by we, I don't mean me."
Kara opened the front door and waved for Sharon to precede her into the house. "You want a drink?" she asked hopefully. It would only be good hostessing, wouldn't it, to have one with her friend? No one should have to drink alone.
"Sounds good," Sharon replied easily, shrugging out of her jacket and sitting on the cushions that Kara had in place of furniture. "When was the last time we had a drink together? God, I can't remember." She ran a hand through her hair which she'd left long today instead of in her ponytail and sighed. As strange as Kara's "arrangement" was, it was at least something that seemed to work, which was better than what she could claim about herself. How could someone love one person but frak another who was still married? It still didn't make any sense to her. "So, I'm assuming all the boys will be here tonight, then?"
Kara went to the kitchen and found two bottles of beer--someone had set up a still almost first thing, which was very smart--and brought one to her friend. "All the boys? Gods, Sharon." Kara laughed and sat across from her friend. "Yeah. Oh, um." She uncapped her beer bottle and took a swig. It was okay, not the best she'd ever had, but it certainly wasn't the worst, either. "Oh, and I invited Lee," Kara said, in as breezy a manner as she could manage. "So he's coming, too."
Sharon was drinking her beer when Kara announced the news about Lee coming to dinner, and she nearly choked. As it was, she started coughing. "Sorry... bad... whew, just went down the wrong way." Lee? Here? Frak. Why? Why would he agree to come here knowing that she would be here, too? Unless he hadn't known... "Wow, so Lee?" Sharon tried to play it off as casually as possible. "You two still managing to bury the past and stay friends, then, I take it?"
"Careful, there," Kara said, completely missing that Sharon's reaction might have had anything to do with Lee. Leoben was not incorrect in his assessment of Kara's inability to notice subtlety. He, however, was something of an expert at it, and Leoben looked up sharply from where he was in the kitchen, feeling something odd from his sister-Cylon and wondering what it was. He remained quiet, however, and didn't ask. She would explain if she wished. Or, alternately, Kara would drag it out of her somehow.
Kara answered Sharon's question about Lee after taking another drink. "I guess. It was actually kind of...okay, you know how I am, right? He was being all weird at me, probably because of...well, guess," Kara said, rolling her eyes. "And he kept going are you really all right, you know, like Sam and Leoben are keeping me locked up--" Kara stopped short, suddenly very aware of Leoben's gaze on her from the kitchen. "Anyway, I was mad, so I said, come over for dinner if you want to see how I'm doing." She smiled brightly at Sharon. "And so he said he would. I think we both didn't actually really mean for this to happen, but. Now we're stuck. That's why I invited you, because I thought it might get really awkward."
Awkward. Yes, that was certainly something that tonight would be, now that the married Cylons would all be in one room with the cheating women. Well, in her case, she was cheating and a Cylon, while Kara wasn't technically cheating if... oh, she was getting a headache just thinking about it. "Lee," she repeated, still unbelieving. "Does he know that I'm going to be here?" Was that why he'd agreed to come for dinner? Had he wanted to talk to her about 'them'? Frak, frak, frak. "Sorry, I was just wondering if I would have to discuss business over dinner. I'd rather not."
"Oh, no, I didn't tell him. I decided to invite you after Sam and I had a fight about it." Kara winced as it occurred to her how that sounded. "Not about you. About Lee. He thought maybe I was trying to move someone else in," she said, rolling her eyes.
"I don't think that was actually why he was angry," Leoben said from the kitchen.
"You weren't there," Kara snapped back at him, without looking. "So shut up. How would you know?"
"They don't realize what good hearing we have," Leoben said to Sharon, sighing. "This house isn't very big, Kara. And you do tend to shout when you're angry."
"Just ignore him." Kara waved her hand dismissively. "And you don't have to talk about business. If he starts, I can say something inappropriate," she offered helpfully. "I'm good at that."
Sharon couldn't help but smile a little at the exchange between Kara and Leoben. It was all entirely too domestic. "I'm envious of this," she admitted. "I've been so busy lately, I hardly have anytime to see Karl or Hera these days. It feels like I'm spending all my time either with D'Anna or Lee, but you? You're arguing and cooking and having a normal life." As normal as Kara Thrace would ever have, she supposed.
Kara took another swig of her beer. "I'm definitely doing more arguing than cooking," she admitted, then took a moment to really look at her friend. Sharon looked tired, a little, but who didn't? They'd all just fought a war, and it left its mark on everyone. Still, there was something about Sharon that seemed a little off, but Kara wasn't sure what exactly it was. She hoped the other humans weren't giving her a hard time for being a Cylon--everyone knew Athena was a hero.
"Arguing makes us normal? Did you hear that, baby?" Sam came in, grinning at his wife. "And here we thought we had it all frakked up."
"Hurrah," Kara said, deadpan, finishing her beer.
Sam walked over and smiled at Sharon. "Hey. Good to see you. Helo not with you?" Sam had always liked Helo, and had been looking forward to seeing him. "I keep thinking I should tell him to give up Raptors and go out for my Pyramid team."
"I'm sure whenever he gets the chance, he'd love to play more Pyramid with you guys. You know he was a huge fan of the C-Bucks," Sharon grinned before standing to hug Sam. "And no, he's taking care of Hera for me. I'm flying solo tonight, so to speak, although I heard we have a certain Lee Adama joining us, too? I don't know what to do. I'm feeling outnumbered by all the men," she teased Kara, trying to keep everything light and her mind off Lee.
"I feel that way every day," Kara said in a very serious voice. "Sometimes it's not so bad, though." She giggled, noting the way Sam flushed a little. He would never, ever admit to enjoying certain aspects of their odd relationship, but that was all right. If she had enough to drink, Kara would just admit it for him.
Sam shook his head at Kara's remark and hugged Sharon back. "Yeah, I guess he is," he responded, not entirely comfortable with the idea of spending the evening with the man for whom Kara had almost left him. He did take a moment to feel the strange sensation of recognizing Sharon Agathon as another Cylon, which was becoming a little more comfortable but which was still weird.
"I would invite more girls, but I don't know that many," Kara said. She stood up and went to get another beer. "Girls never did like me much."
"Same here," Sharon replied, a little easier now that the subject matter was changing. "Then again, I suppose the humans are outnumbered, right?"
If there could have been a more awkward moment for him to make his entrance, Lee couldn't think of it. He supposed that Sharon's comment had been made off-handedly, and the truth was that she was correct... but it didn't make him any less nervous about the fact, now that it had been pointed out. Lee cleared his throat. "Hope I'm not late," he said, trying to pretend as if he hadn't heard. What in all the world he was doing there, Lee still couldn't quite figure out, especially now that he knew Sharon Agathon would be at Kara's bizarre dinner party, too.
Sure that the words I'M FRAKKING SHARON were all but glowing bright yellow over his head, Lee nodded to Sharon, then to Kara. "Dee sends her regrets. Anything stops working in CIC and she's always the first person they grab to fix it."
Kara had the very unkind thought that it was more like Anytime you're involved, Kara, Dee wants nothing to do with it. Kara couldn't really blame her, though, could she? Even if she and Lee hadn't technically cheated, Kara had been willing to do it. And then she had, with Leoben, and look where she ended up. Dee was probably thinking Kara wanted Lee to move in or something.
She definitely didn't want that. She'd meant what she'd said to Sam. She was very glad she and Lee Adama had realized they were family, and that was all they should ever be.
"Hey," Kara said to Lee. She grinned. "You came. I think I lost a bet to Sam. Oh, and Sharon's here. I didn't think you'd mind."
Lee shrugged, doing his very best impression of someone who didn't have a thing in the world to hide. "Not at all-- unless anyone objects to just a little shop talk, I think it's a little bit unavoidable."
He turned to Sharon, keeping the nonchalant expression pasted onto his face. "In fact, Sharon, I was wondering if you had some time tomorrow to meet about resource distribution. I got a couple of reports I wanted to get your opinion on."
That much he knew sounded completely innocent. Over time, they'd both gotten very good at making arrangements.
Sharon tried to keep an easy smile on her face as soon as Lee got there, but she didn't know exactly if she pulled it off. "More business, Lee?" She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, trying to make an effort of looking put out by the whole thing. She had, after all, completed all the reports already that she knew Lee needed. "Sure. Early in the morning, though. Hera's sick and I don't want Karl to have to take care of her all alone. Although, if you'd like to stop by and say 'hi' to her after he leaves for work, you're more than welcome." Hera would actually be at Cottle's and the place would be empty, and Lee knew that. Hopefully it sounded normal, though.
Sam, not entirely sure he wanted Lee Adama in his dining room (such as it was), remembered his conversation with Kara and said, "Hey, Lee." He would be damned if he called Lee anything remotely relating to being the Vice President, not when the man was in his house and Sam hadn't actually been consulted about inviting him. Determined not to spend the evening pissed at Kara, he put his arm around his wife's waist and held his hand out to the other man. "Good to see you."
He thought he heard Leoben cough in the kitchen.
Lee made a note of what Sharon had told him, underneath what she'd said. He still wasn't sure what unnerved him the most about their trysts-- that they were going on at all, or that they had become so casual to arrange, so much a part of their lives that they found reasons and ways to be together without thinking.
Hearing Sam approach, Lee turned. He and Sam had come to a certain kind of comfort level when they'd thought Kara had died, but ever since her return, the old tension seemed to have been rebuilding. Still, Sam offered, so Lee took his hand and shook it firmly. "Sam, same to you. You've done quite a job with the place."
"Thanks," Sam said, shaking Lee's hand. He relaxed a little, looking around their house. "It helps to have someone who can lift heavy stuff and hold it in place." Sam looked around. "We still need a back wall of the house, though I kind of like being able to see the ocean."
"You won't like it when it starts snowing," Kara said, easing out of Sam's grip that now he'd made his point. Honestly. Kara smiled at Lee. "You want a drink?"
Leoben walked into the dining room. He nodded at Lee, and said simply, "Hi."
Kara went a bit still, waiting. So far, this was okay, wasn't it? No one was hitting anyone, Sam was on his best behavior...as long as Lee didn't decide to deck Leoben for New Caprica or something, maybe everything would be okay.
I am going to owe Sharon Agathon so many babysitting hours.
"Well," Sharon said with another smile on her face and a quick hug to Kara, "isn't this awkward? I'm guessing it was all Kara's bright idea." She had never been one to mince words when it came to the people she cared about, and she wasn't going to start now. Although I'm better than Kara is... "Maybe we should play a game of Triad or get some more to drink to take the edge off?"
Lee tensed as the Cylon joined the group. For a moment, it startled him at how he counted Leoben as "the Cylon", and yet Sam and Sharon as people, but considering the history, he shouldn't have been. "Actually," Lee spoke up, setting the small, roughly-wrapped package he'd almost forgotten to bring on the table and opening it to reveal a large bottle of ambrosia. "I brought a housewarming gift. At the risk of offending anyone, it seemed appropriate for this... occasion."
"Ambrosia is appropriate for all occasions," Kara said. She looked at Sharon. "Of course it was my idea. Sam's convinced no one likes him because he's a Cylon, and I don't think Leoben has anyone to invite to dinner."
"Kara," Sam said, shaking his head. What was there to say? His wife had little enough tact when she wasn't drinking. Gods only knew what she was going to say after a few shots of ambrosia.
Leoben just shrugged, unperturbed by Kara's remark. He'd never been very social, even with his own kind. "I'll get some glasses," he said, going to the kitchen and finding a few shotglasses. That had been one thing Kara'd brought--he was fairly certain she'd had her own set on Galactica.
"Sam, you know that's not true. Not on my end, at least." Sharon tried to offer him a smile. If anyone knew what it was like to be a Cylon trying to fit into the human world, it would be her. Maybe not as well as the other Final Cylons, or like Boomer, but she was pretty sure she understood him better than Leoben did. Who was getting glasses for them... "Thanks," she managed politely once he returned with them. "God, ambrosia, Lee? Really? I think the last time I had some was when you and I were celebrating at your office." Sharon realized too late what she'd said, and hoped that Lee would be able to come up with some reason why they'd been 'celebrating'.
Lee was sure he'd never actually wanted to drop dead instantly, not even when the Blackbird had been shot down, but he was pretty sure that if there were ever an opportune moment, this would have been it. How in the frak could Sharon have let something like that slip? Granted, he'd caught himself nearly contradicting himself or forgetting his story, but this was just... Something he couldn't think about now. He needed to cover.
"Right, after the, uh... the dam was completed. Never thought they'd get the generators online, with the Cylon and human workers breaking into fistfights every couple of hours." It sounded all right to Lee's ears, but he wondered just how tuned in everyone else in the room was.
Kara was too keyed up from stress to notice anything not explicitly obvious, and nothing about Lee's story sounded strange to her. Sam was too busy trying not to be annoyed at Lee Adama for being in his living room, and despite Kara's assurances, he couldn't help the old doubt that crept in when he saw his wife around her former lover--as brief a time as they'd actually been lovers. The night before we got married. Great.
Leoben, however, was watching Sharon with a speculative gaze. He heard what Lee said about the workers and thought privately it was probably the humans who had started it--though he supposed they had reason enough to be angry. Tempers were running high, and there were times people forgot the Cylons on Earth had fought beside them in the last battle, not against them like on New Caprica.
"I bet you'd get mad at me if I started celebrating in my office at flight school." Kara grinned at Lee. "Do I actually get an office?"
"No office," Sharon said, glad that Lee was able to cover it up without anyone noticing, but she had caught the look he'd given to her. "I don't even have an office, which is why I'm practically living at Lee's whenever I'm not home." And again, she frakked up. What was wrong with her? She was never this sloppy. Part of her wanted to blame Leoben or Kara or the strange dinner they were getting ready to have. Sighing, she pulled Kara aside. "Hey, I want to talk to you a bit. Without the boys," she said, realizing that, partly, they were all Kara's men somehow.
"Okay," Kara said, and turned to Leoben. "Don't say anything crazy," she said to him, pointing warningly. "You know how you get."
Leoben said, with an absolutely straight face, "You never let me have any fun," to which Sam had to cover up a laugh with a cough.
Kara rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "You boys place nice, all right? And if you start beating each other up, wait until we get back to watch." She winked at Sam, pleased when he smiled at her. "Save some of that ambrosia for us," she said, tugging Sharon back towards the bedrooms. Leoben's was closest, so she opened the door and gestured for her friend to go in first. Leoben's room was very neat and orderly (another reason she'd gone in), the bed made, the only decoration the mural Kara had painted for him on the far wall. It was actually the only one in the house she'd finished. "What's up?"
She frowned, not really sure why she'd dragged Kara off in the first place. "I don't know. Something's off with me, I think." She looked at her friend pleadingly. "Do I seem 'off' to you?" No, that wasn't the question she wanted to ask her. She sat on Leoben's bed, noticing the mural and smiling, then fixed her gaze on Kara. "Alright, so you, Sam, and Leoben. You guys all make it work somehow. Now, at least, but before, did you ever...? I mean...?" Frak. "Do you love them both? Have you always loved them both?"
Kara leaned against the wall, focusing on Sharon. "I hadn't noticed until you told me, but you know how I am. I need a two-by-four to the head, sometimes." She gave a wry grin. "Before you got here, Leoben said something about how I suck at subtlety." She waved a hand airily. "That's the succinct version. Anyway, he was right." She thought for a moment about what Sharon had asked. She usually answered this question with yes, we're fine to the people who were actually brave enough to ask her to her face, which were admittedly not very many. For Sharon, she'd try to tell the truth.
"There are times I'm surprised we haven't killed each other," Kara said bluntly. "And yeah. I do love them both. I don't know how, and with Leoben I don't even know why half the godsdamned time, but I do." She looked up at the mural, lost in thought. "I was sleeping with him. Leoben. And Sam walked in and caught us. I was sleeping with him again, too." Kara looked askance at her friend. "I know how that sounds, believe me. And I thought it was just sex, with Leoben. Gods. It would have been easier if it was."
She looked down at her hands, wringing them out as she took in Kara's words and their meaning. "That's... great. No, really, I mean you love them. Both of them." She tried to think her words through one more time before asking, "But did you always love them both? Sam was the one who was good for you, Kara, we both know that. And Leoben... well, he was the one who had hurt you back on New Caprica and who knows how many times before that. You didn't love him then, did you? It was wrong, it was..."
She knew now she wasn't talking about Kara's life any longer, but she wondered if her friend would pick up on that.
Kara stared at Sharon. "I don't know. I felt something for Leoben, even on New Caprica, even though I knew I shouldn't. I should have hated him--I did hate him. But you know what they say, about the line between love and hate? It's a cliche because it's frakking true." Kara crossed her arms and looked sharply at her friend. "What the frak is going on, Sharon? Even I'm not dense enough to miss that something's up. What is it?"
Something clicked, and her eyes widened. "Why are you asking me about being in love with two men?"
Sharon's eyes widened slightly and she pressed her lips into a thin line. "Just... curious," she lied, although not that well because with all the time that she and Lee had been at it, she was getting tired of lying, especially to Helo. "I guess I just need to know how you manage it, or what you thought when it started out. That whole love and hate thing you mentioned? Just how you can hate someone for hurting you and yet you can't stop going back to them..." God, by now, Kara had probably figured it all out, she realized. Frak.
"I thought, as I usually do, that I was frakking crazy. Then I thought it would never work and that we were all going to kill each other. But there's...I don't know, some kind of balance. It makes it okay. Leoben could probably explain it with a lot of metaphors, if you want to ask him." Kara stared out of Leoben's window, thinking. "I hated him for what he did to me. I hated how much he hurt me--not my body, that I'm used to, I'm a soldier. My mind. He frakked with my mind. And yet I've always...there's been something between us from the second we met. I'll never forget that happy little laugh of his on the Gemanon when he found out who I was." Kara's voice drifted a bit. "After we found Earth, before the war started, I just wanted my mind to be quiet. He does that, somehow, for me. I don't know."
Kara blinked, shaking herself out of her thoughts for a moment. She fixed Sharon with a stare. Comprehension dawned. "You're in love with someone else, aren't you? Someone who hurt you--" Kara stopped short. "No," she said, gaping. "Tell me I'm wrong. It's not--it's not Lee?"
"No!" Sharon shook her head a few times, hugging herself, after listening to Kara's story. "No, I love Karl, you know that. And Hera, they are my world. I don't deserve someone as amazing and understanding as him. He stood by me when I pushed him away, he protected me when I was... attacked." Attacked. The word everyone else used, but Sharon in her mind always heard rape instead. She shuddered a little. "He stayed with me all through my pregnancy and after, when we thought that... frak." She ran a hand through her hair. Surely Kara could understand? "I love him more than anything. He is good to me and safe and wonderful and how could I possibly live up to the idea of me that he has in his mind? I've almost ruined his life on several occasions!" Yeah, Kara probably knew what that felt like, she guessed. "Lee... God. It's nothing. It's frakking, it's wrong and... I can't stop. It's like I'm on stems, addicted, and I know I should stop but I can't..."
"I used to hate myself," Kara said quietly, "every time I left Leoben's room. I hated how I couldn't stop going to him, how much I hated that I loved what he did to me." She smiled tightly at Sharon. "And then I'd go to Sam--Sam, who loved me. Sam, who stood by me when no one else did. I was cheating on him with the man who had kidnapped me, mentally tortured me for months. And I couldn't stop. And then Sam came to me, after the war, and wanted to have a life with me. Wanted to start over, just the two of us. And what did I do? I went and told him it wouldn't work unless Leoben was there, too. And I was right," she said. "It wouldn't. Because there is something about the two of them that makes it work where it wouldn't if it were just me and Sam, or me and Leoben."
Kara went and sat next to Sharon. "It doesn't sound like it's nothing. If you're doing this, and frak, Sharon--you're not me. I frak people and it never matters. I don't think that's you," she said bluntly. "I think this matters."
"Maybe," she whispered quietly, hating herself for admitting even that much. "But what am I supposed to do? Tell Karl, 'Hey, Lee's moving in with us. He can be Uncle Lee to Hera, she won't mind!'" She shook her head. "God, Lee was right. There's something about the way we end up hurting each other that still makes things fit somehow, that fills in missing pieces of our lives, but it's like you said, Kara." She took a deep breath. "I'm not you. I'm not."
"It's a good thing you're not me," Kara said, smiling slightly. "The world might end if there were two of me. Again." She winced. "You know what I mean." Kara put her hand on her friend's shoulder, which wasn't something she did often. Physical affection did not come easy for her, and only to a few who really deserved it. "I don't like to think that he's hurting you. It makes me want to beat him up." She patted Sharon's shoulder, a little awkwardly. "Does he--I mean, is this more than sex for him, too?" Kara felt a little weird talking about this, but it was obvious Sharon needed someone to talk to. Besides, Kara valued Sharon's acceptance of her and her relationships, and wanted to give back if she could.
"Yes. Well, it's what he told me, and I believe him." Sharon looked up at Kara, a half-smile on her face. "And, no, he's not hurting me that way, and I'm not hurting him back. There have been times when I've gotten frustrated in the heat of things and hit him with my full-strength, and he's asked for more as penance, or something. Once, he was so drunk that he almost... you know what? Can we not talk about this?" This, of course, meaning that aspect of the relationship. She figured it was odd for Kara to hear, considering she and Lee were friends and had been lovers once. "I've asked him what it meant to him, all of this, since we kept hurting ourselves and lying to our spouses. He said he couldn't let me go." Sharon laughed. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, really?"
Kara blinked. Something Sharon said resonated with her, about being hit and asking for penance. She'd done something similar with Leoben. "I get it. I do. I mean, I don't care if you want to talk about your sex life with my ex-lover-who-is-really-like-a-brother-best-friend," Kara said, and she had to laugh at that. "I really don't. It's been over a long time, with us." Kara thought about what Sharon had said. "It means just that. He can't let you go. He will hurt whoever he has to, he will do whatever it takes, to keep you with him." Kara raised a brow. "Believe me. I know all about this. I have a certain blond Cylon who kind of operates under similar procedures," she said wryly. "Maybe Lee's taking notes."
Something about this was so surreal--and that was something, coming from Kara--that she just had to make jokes. Otherwise, she wasn't sure what she should even say.
Kara confirming everything almost made it worse. "Maybe we should get back now," she sighed, not really wanting to go but knowing they should. "I'd hate for the boys to be beating each other up, talking about politics, or discussing religion while we were gone. God knows what sort of trouble they might have gotten themselves into if they had."
"Oh, Gods. I did tell Leoben to try and talk without so many frakking metaphors," Kara said, standing up. She looked down at her friend. "You've always been there for me. Even when...when maybe I didn't deserve it," she said, remembering how she'd been on the Demetrius, half-crazed and unable to think, or sleep, or focus on anything but the way to Earth. "And I'm not going to tell anyone, or frak this up for you. But I think you should tell Helo. This kind of lying always ends bad," Kara said, absolutely bluntly. "And I'm only saying it because I care about you, and because I know how true it is."
There was a polite knock on the door. "Hi," Leoben said, looking at them both. "Sam had an idea of what you might be up to back here, but I told him Kara usually only does that with women she doesn't really like--"
"Okay, go back to the metaphors," Kara said hastily, glaring at him. "Gods. Sam. He's such a guy about that."
"Dinner's ready," Leoben said simply, then he fixed his sharp gaze on Sharon. "Are you all right, sister?" he asked politely. "You don't seem yourself."
"I'm... hey, maybe I'll talk to you about this later in a more private conversation." There, she would take at least that much of Kara's advice. At the very least, Sharon felt a little weight off her shoulders now that the truth was known to someone. To Kara especially, since she considered her such a close friend and hated lying to her. "Let's go see what you cooked up for us."
Leoben nodded and made a gesture for her to go past him. "Fish. With some rice. Nothing exciting, but Sam found some spices somewhere and so at least there's that." He looked curiously at Kara, who just shrugged and then idly patted him on the back as she walked by him. That made Leoben immediately suspicious; Kara was never casually affectionate with him. He followed the two women into the dining room, figuring she'd tell him what was the matter if she wanted him to know.
Kara went immediately to the kitchen. She was going to need another drink, and she had a feeling everyone else would, too.
Sharon followed and made an effort not to look at Lee. That was for another discussion entirely. Maybe they could eat and have a somewhat "normal" conversation during dinner? Sharon could only hope.
Lee had spent the time doing everything he could to press himself into a corner and disappear. As relieved as he might have been to not have to continue covering up for Sharon's inexplicable slips, it was an entirely different thing to be basically trapped in a room with Sam, who clearly wasn't happy about having Lee there, and Leoben, who even outside of being a Cylon, was pretty much a stranger. Lee had mostly stared into his glass, while Leoben puttered and Sam glared. After a while, even Sam had started talking as if Lee wasn't there, which was fine. It gave Lee plenty of time to worry over what Kara and Sharon were discussing.
When the women got back, their expressions made Lee hopeful that there wasn't going to be some big discussion. At least they might be able to finish the dinner in something resembling comfort. Anything else would wait until later.