(no subject)
and i know this is only a temporary solution
to a permanant problem.
and i know the flourescent light is never real
washed in chemicals. only pain is real.
drenched?
try consumed,
try bored to tears with never
living up to expectations.
try changing every moment and never realizing
what's lost in
transition.
i'm not dying, not now
- i've already been dead most my life.
the End of Innocence
it's not bittersweet.
it's a fucking
mouthfull of
kerosine.
it's always raining
and i'm never alive.
never awake or asleep
i am the transit
i am the ocean
i am what separates you from the next guy
on the subway, underground,
with 50 feet of fucking bedrock between you and the sun and the rain and the wind
and all the goddamn people.
don't feel special.
there's nothing to feel special about.
we all die
just
REALIZE.
can you be taught to live?
it's the task of a lifetime.
when you can't ever escape
the drone
and the maddening
metronome.
mechanical hound, don't come around here
i'm not using my life but please don't take it from me.
i'd love to live
but it's probably too goddamn late.
baracade me
i don't want to know me
if i were you i'd walk on the other side of the street when i
saw me.
i just want to leave for a little while.
i'll take a step back and
wake up and i'll
see it's not about
the people in the turnstiles
it's about
surviving.
i won't die without any scars!
i will go down in glorious flames
and die
with my hand on my gun.
fuck chivalry, fuck courtesey.
fuck names fuck rhymes fuck standards fuck precedents.
fuck the guy who tells you your place
and fuck the people who stay in theirs.
is this your LIFE?
your fucking space and time and air and street and appartment and cars and seat in the theatre and
parking slot?
NO.
YOU ARE YOUR LIFE.
YOU ARE NOT THE SUM OF YOUR PARTS.
YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU READ AND WHAT YOU WATCH ON T.V.
YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOUR MOM AND DAD TOLD YOU
YOU ARE NOT YOUR RELIGION OR YOUR RIGHT AND WRONG.
so i found a place to bury my pride.
it was an old churchyard in a sleepy town
and i whispered to the faceless epitaphs
and i found my answers.
and i'll go back, i'll face the world
i'll see corruption on the face of my peers
and watch as they become their parents and their parents' parents
and i'll understand that that is what they have to do
they need to feel adequate.
they need to chop themselves to bits
self mutilation in order to be understood.
and i'll watch the buildings fall and the sidewalks buckle
and i won't say
i told you so.
because after all
a cynic is just
a disappointed idealist.
in other news, the tringlets have the cutest british accents, i won $5 from kenny's dad for knowing wilco, devin's couch is super comfy, i need to buy a lot of hairgel before halloween, i failed my ion quiz, i have a crush on someone new, and the aquabats are amazingly rockin'.