Damnit, amy!
Dear Women-
I'm new to this craigslist posting thing, but I feel like I have a lot to offer the right lady.
Now, before you go jumping to all kinds of crazy conclusions- please don't.
I promise, if you go out on a date with me, I won't try to have sex with you.
Hear me out:
I lost 79% of my genitals in a greasefire while working at Arby's 28 months ago. I didn't lose (much) function, but I can tell you (and my physical therapist can back me up) any kind of arousal is extremely excruciating.
In fact, I must insist that any of the women that respond to this ad must be very, very unattractive. Or, at least if you're attractive, send me a picture of yourself in a full, head-to-toe burqa.
Also, now that I mention the burqa, you should probably not be muslim, because I am jewish, and while I don't really care about the whole "troubles" between jew and muslim, my parents would have a de-mitzvah for me if I brought a woman home in a burqa, and she turned out be a real muslim.
So, that being said: I'd really like to meet an educated, fit woman that has some kind of sense of humor. Your sense of humor shouldn't be a bad sense of humor though.
Please send me a picture of yourself, and tell me what your favorite sandwich at Arby's is.
I'm attaching this picture because all of the good pictures of me are still back at the "extremely good looking people photography" store.
I'm officially addicted to craigslist personals.