Anti-social?
Okay, so I've been getting vibes from some people that indicate that they're subconsciously angry at me. And they probably don't realize they're being cold. But that's the worst kind because if you tell them they are, they can easily deny it cause they don't realize it. =A=
I've been anti-social these days.
All this college stuff is stressful, and on top of that, I have lots of school work. And I've been getting up at irregular times to finish homework and all, not to mention procrastinating on things I should be working on. I mean, for crying out loud, some of my friends got accepted to colleges already.
I think it's because I really don't care if I get into college. I mean, it'll create a better foundation for my future, and I actually LIKE to learn, but again, I don't think college defines who you are/will be. And many people have found things they like to do whilst not going.
But I don't want to disappoint myself and my family by not getting into college not because of my lack of power, but because I was lazy. That's the worst way not to go to college I think.
So back to what I was saying: yes, I've been very anti-social.
And even when I go to places with a lot of people, I feel guilty that I should be home doing something. That, or I feel like I'm not talking to enough people. I really hate it. And then later I fear the person will think I was being rude by not talking as much or something, and then I'll blame myself.
. . . .
I think to a lot of people, it looks like I don't care. But truth is, I care too much, but not to an extent where I can show anybody. Like, I think too much about things. And then I get angry again for not doing college/school stuff. It's a stupid endless cycle.
I think I should really get some help. Or sleep.
And again, if I seem awfully quiet, I'm sorry.
I've been anti-social these days.
All this college stuff is stressful, and on top of that, I have lots of school work. And I've been getting up at irregular times to finish homework and all, not to mention procrastinating on things I should be working on. I mean, for crying out loud, some of my friends got accepted to colleges already.
I think it's because I really don't care if I get into college. I mean, it'll create a better foundation for my future, and I actually LIKE to learn, but again, I don't think college defines who you are/will be. And many people have found things they like to do whilst not going.
But I don't want to disappoint myself and my family by not getting into college not because of my lack of power, but because I was lazy. That's the worst way not to go to college I think.
So back to what I was saying: yes, I've been very anti-social.
And even when I go to places with a lot of people, I feel guilty that I should be home doing something. That, or I feel like I'm not talking to enough people. I really hate it. And then later I fear the person will think I was being rude by not talking as much or something, and then I'll blame myself.
. . . .
I think to a lot of people, it looks like I don't care. But truth is, I care too much, but not to an extent where I can show anybody. Like, I think too much about things. And then I get angry again for not doing college/school stuff. It's a stupid endless cycle.
I think I should really get some help. Or sleep.
And again, if I seem awfully quiet, I'm sorry.