The sun is shining and I miss you and the rainclouds are coming around again.
Title: Cold Death
Chapter: 1/1
Author: Buriedinheart
Genre: angst
Warnings: Suicide, self harm, angst,
Disclaimer: I own no one.
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Kai X reita
Bands: the GazettE
Synopsis: Reita hurts too much, and decides to take his own life.
Comments: hope you guys like it! comments would be great :) cupcakes too!
The sun is shining and I miss you and the rainclouds are coming around again. It is June, summer. But this year’s summer is a rainy, cold one. The weather has always mirrored my emotions and my mood.
I am tired and sick and lost and exhausted, just fucking miserable. Wishing time would let me stay. Stuck between two lives that are so dissimilar, I cannot find my place.
I miss you. I want you. Im holding on to you, these wasted photographs.
Another year has gone so fast. Another life becomes the past. Under the weights of dreams I never thought would last, feelings clash.
I lie awake for hours, staring at the world below.
Another night is spent awake, colours bleeding in the soft sky. Days bleed into one another, a copy of yesterdays. Endless repeat, scroll forward, repeat, press pause. Life is but meaningless cessation of time.
Only when the red lines are carved out on my skin, then i can remember what it feels like to be alive, all senses awake skin hypersensitive. Skin bleeding the crimson undercurrents out. Angry irritated bumps around the wounds, the body protests but the heart yearns for a canvas to be made out of the skin on my wrist.
I oblige. On a lonely night smoking countless cigarettes, desperately pining for you, I drink alcohol, empty bottles strewn across the cold tiled floor of my bathroom. Blood lets out easier, the alcohol thins it so I can die faster.
I slice my skin, marveling it at way the flesh splits, yielding to the cold blade.
I think I hate you. Do you really need me to prove my love for you, in red?
If you only felt the way I do. But you’re gone. You’ve left me, here bleeding on the bathroom floor. You avoid my gaze, avoid my touch, avoid me, not acknowledging my existence. Laughing and talking with our band mates, but greeting me with cold undying silence.
I am sick of this, exhaustion is claiming my heart and my mind.
I sigh, the darkness closing in.
I love you, Kai.
The last thought remains a whisper on my lips. I cannot see anymore, im drowning in pitch-black.