Jump & Like It Or Not
She sat on the small wall that separated her from the water below and turned his words over and over in her mind. It wasn’t like he’d been trying to be mean; she knew that. But she still couldn’t help the fresh tears that ran down her face every time she relived the conversation and pictured his face, disgusted with her confession.
“I think...I love you...” she regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She watched as his face fell and he looked away from her, embarrassed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, almost apologetically. No matter what, he could never say anything to offend her. She knew that he meant anything he said in the nicest way possible; that was just who he was. “You’re mistaking a crush for love, that’s all,” he told her.
She stared at him, stunned, unsure of what to say. “I’m what? But I am...I mean...”
“Look,” he told her, obviously not wanting to hurt her feelings, “I’m sorry, even if I felt the same way about you, it wouldn’t be right for us to be together and we would never work out.”
She blinked quickly, trying to hold back her tears. “Oh, okay,” she said with a tight smile, starting to walk away. “Sorry.” As soon as she was out of his sight, she began to run.
“Even if I felt the same way...” His words ran through her head. It didn’t even matter that it was wrong, because he didn’t love her back. She couldn’t cope with this thought and let the tears stream freely down her face as she ran to the one place where she had a chance of being able to escape the pain.
She stared at the water rushing by below her, dark and threatening. He hadn’t actually looked disgusted when she told him her secret, but her imagination painted him that way because she knew that must be what he was feeling. He must be sickened by the fact that a teenager had a huge crush on him.
It was okay. There were plenty of people that had been rejected by the person they were desperately in love with that lived through it. Still, she couldn’t think of anyone like this that wasn’t fictional.
The more she thought about it, the more the agony ripped through her, knowing she would never have him. She’d been just barely hanging on when she hadn’t known for a fact that he didn’t feel the same way, but now that she’d heard him say it himself, heard him tell her exactly what she’d always suspected, she wanted to die, more from the pain of knowing she was right than the embarrassment of being rejected. She glanced at the sky once, before returning her gaze to the river below.
It would take less than a step to forget all about him - all she had to do was lean forward.
But she could never do that to her family. For one, it wasn’t right. Suicide was never the answer, no matter how big the pain. But it would be an easy escape...
She sighed and stood up on top of the wall, fully intending to step onto the ground and walk home. She knew she would dream tonight about their conversation. Only in her dreams, it would’ve gone differently. As she gave the river one more look, seeing his face in her thoughts, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid having to see him again. And the thought of seeing him, of having him see her and know he broke her, was enough to make her break down into sobs one more time.
She took a deep breath and jumped.
She sat on the small wall that separated her from the water below and turned his words over and over in her mind. It wasn’t like he’d been trying to be mean; she knew that. But she still couldn’t help the fresh tears that ran down her face every time she relived the conversation and pictured his face, disgusted with her confession.
“I think...I love you...” she regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She watched as his face fell and he looked away from her, embarrassed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, almost apologetically. No matter what, he could never say anything to offend her. She knew that he meant anything he said in the nicest way possible; that was just who he was. “You’re mistaking a crush for love, that’s all,” he told her.
She stared at him, stunned, unsure of what to say. “I’m what? But I am...I mean...”
“Look,” he told her, obviously not wanting to hurt her feelings, “I’m sorry, even if I felt the same way about you, it wouldn’t be right for us to be together and we would never work out.”
She blinked quickly, trying to hold back her tears. “Oh, okay,” she said with a tight smile, starting to walk away. “Sorry.” As soon as she was out of his sight, she began to run.
“Even if I felt the same way...” His words ran through her head. It didn’t even matter that it was wrong, because he didn’t love her back. She couldn’t cope with this thought and let the tears stream freely down her face as she ran to the one place where she had a chance of being able to escape the pain.
She stared at the water rushing by below her, dark and threatening. He hadn’t actually looked disgusted when she told him her secret, but her imagination painted him that way because she knew that must be what he was feeling. He must be sickened by the fact that a teenager had a huge crush on him.
It was okay. There were plenty of people that had been rejected by the person they were desperately in love with that lived through it. Still, she couldn’t think of anyone like this that wasn’t fictional.
The more she thought about it, the more the agony ripped through her, knowing she would never have him. She’d been just barely hanging on when she hadn’t known for a fact that he didn’t feel the same way, but now that she’d heard him say it himself, heard him tell her exactly what she’d always suspected, she wanted to die, more from the pain of knowing she was right than the embarrassment of being rejected. She glanced at the sky once, before returning her gaze to the river below.
It would take less than a step to forget all about him - all she had to do was lean forward.
But she could never do that to her family. For one, it wasn’t right. Suicide was never the answer, no matter how big the pain. But it would be an easy escape...
She sighed and stood up on top of the wall, fully intending to step onto the ground and walk home. She knew she would dream tonight about their conversation. Only in her dreams, it would’ve gone differently. As she gave the river one more look, seeing his face in her thoughts, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid having to see him again. And the thought of seeing him, of having him see her and know he broke her, was enough to make her break down into sobs one more time.
She took a deep breath and jumped.
Name: Like It Or Not
Rating: PG for suicide/attempted suicide
Summary: "I'm so sorry, so, so sorry..."
She sat on the small wall that separated her from the water below and replayed the image of his shocked face over and over in her mind. His face confirmed everything she’d already known: that he was disgusted that someone so young and naïve, someone like her, had a crush on him. She was only infatuated with him and they both knew that.
“I think...I love you...” He was shocked into silence at her confession, words escaping him.
She waited for him to respond, but his mouth opened and closed, remaining empty of words. Fearing that he was too angry to speak, she quickly broke the silence with her tearful apologies.
“I’m so sorry, so, so sorry,” she murmured, wiping the tears away with her hand. “I shouldn’t have told you...shouldn’t even be feeling this way. I’m sorry...” She was barely able to speak through the sobs that wracked her body.
She ran away from him before he’d fully recovered, unable to stand the fact that he didn’t love her back.
She stared at the water rushing by below her, dark and threatening, wishing she could take it all back. She never should’ve told him how she felt, because now everything would be different.
They wouldn’t be able to go back to that friendly acquaintances stage that they’d been in, and it was completely her fault. Instead of keeping it all locked up inside of her, she’d let her true feelings show, and now she probably disgusted him.
She wished again that she could rewind the clock.
She found that the thought of him being sickened by her caused her more pain than the thought of never being able to hold him, never being able to kiss him like she’d always dreamt of doing. She could live without him. She couldn’t live with him hating her.
Or maybe he wouldn’t hate her. He was the gentlest, most caring person she knew, and somewhat perceptive of the thoughts and feelings of those around him. Although oblivious to her crush on him before, with her bursting into tears in front of him he was probably aware that he’d unintentionally hurt her. Maybe he would feel bad. And the thought of causing him pain made her shudder.
She sighed and stood up on the wall that she was sitting on, fully intending to step onto the ground and walk home. She knew she would dream about this tonight, only instead of staring at her in surprise, he would’ve leaned down and kissed her. As she gave the river one more look, seeing his stunned face in her thoughts, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid seeing him again. And the thought of seeing him, of having him see her and know that he broke her, was enough to make her break down into sobs one more time.
He wondered if he should go after her. As soon as she was out of sight, his senses jumped back into focus, and he realized what had just happened. He started running after her, with no idea where he was going.
He couldn’t believe he’d made her cry, and without having said anything. He’d just been too shocked by her confession to respond. And now, as he searched for her helplessly, he prayed that she would be okay. If he didn’t find her before she did something drastic, he’d never forgive himself.
Frustrated and not knowing what else to do, he ran to the river. If she wasn’t there, it would at least help him think. Try to remember what she’d told him were her favorite places to go when she was upset.
As he neared the bridge, he slowed his pace. There was a person standing on top of the wall. With a shock he realized it was her, and horror filled him as he saw her jump. Without thinking, he ran over to where she had been standing before she jumped, and dove straight into the dark, icy water.
The current thrashed her around and, to her great relief, blackness soon consumed her. As she swept down the freezing river, she dreamed.
An angel dove into the water with her. She couldn’t see him, but she knew that he was beautiful. He wrapped his strong arms around her and started pulling her to the surface. She soon felt herself being carried to the shore, and as he collapsed on the ground, her lungs filled with air. Her chest started burning, and she began to cough. Surely if she were dead, she wouldn’t be this uncomfortable?
He gazed at her worriedly as he pulled her into his lap. He called her name once or twice, begging her to wake up. He sighed in relief when she opened her eyes.
She found herself gazing into the angel’s dark eyes wonderingly. How had her angel turned out to be him, the one she couldn’t have?
“Are you okay?” he asked her, stroking her face gently and pushing her hair out of her face. She nodded and searched his face for answers, but she was too afraid to ask the questions out loud.
Almost immediately after she confirmed that she was okay, his eyes filled with tears. “Why?” he asked, tightening his hold on her. “Why would you jump?”
Her face crumpled. She was hurting him again, and that’s what she told him. “I was trying to take myself out of your life so I couldn’t hurt you anymore. But obviously it’s not working.”
His mood switched dramatically, and he laughed quietly, brushing her own tears away with his fingers. “You silly girl,” he mumbled lovingly, pulling her close to his chest. “You’ve never hurt me.” She didn’t mean to, but she flinched when he called her a girl. It confirmed her suspicion that he saw her as only a kid.
He shocked her when he leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Don’t ever do that again,” he lightly scolded, and all she could do was nod. Of course she’d agree to anything he asked of her.
They just sat there while he rocked her gently back and forth, and she wept silently. Occasionally he would wipe her tears away with his thumb, and this caring act would cause more tears to streak down her face. Noticing her shivering, he took off his jacket, though wet, and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“You don’t hate me?” She didn’t mean to speak, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. He gave her a confused look.
“Hate you? Of course not. As if I could hate you. Why would you even ask that?” He laughed, as if his mind couldn’t comprehend the idea.
She looked away from his face. “After...what I told you, I figured you would never want to see me again.” She shuddered as a wave of regret washed through her. “I never should’ve said anything. It ruined everything.”
He put his warm hand against her cheek and forced her to look at him. “Listen to me.” His hand remained where it was, warming her from the inside out. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve never thought of you that way. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t see you that way.” He tried desperately to put into words everything he’d realized in the past fifteen minutes. “The idea never even occurred to me because I didn’t realize how you felt, so you won’t blame me will you?” He worried he might offend her.
“Of course not!” she exclaimed, shaking her head, wondering how the conversation had turned around so suddenly.
“Good.” He took his hand away from her face, only to rest it on her upper arm. “I’m quite fond of you,” he grinned. He felt relieved when she finally began to smile. Then, turning serious, he continued. “I care for you - more than I even realized.” His eyes seemed to turn a shade darker as they sat there.
She struggled to keep her overwhelming sense of joy to herself. “What does this mean, then?” she asked him.
His eyes flickered away, towards the river, then back to her face. “I think this means that...I’m going to be hanging around you a lot more often, whether you like it or not.”
Her smile lit up her whole face, and he was unable to resist pulling her in for a hug. He felt her slide her arms around his waist and lean her head against his chest, and he sighed, tightening his arms around her. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to let go of her, and, at the moment, didn’t ever want to.
“I think...I love you...” she regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She watched as his face fell and he looked away from her, embarrassed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, almost apologetically. No matter what, he could never say anything to offend her. She knew that he meant anything he said in the nicest way possible; that was just who he was. “You’re mistaking a crush for love, that’s all,” he told her.
She stared at him, stunned, unsure of what to say. “I’m what? But I am...I mean...”
“Look,” he told her, obviously not wanting to hurt her feelings, “I’m sorry, even if I felt the same way about you, it wouldn’t be right for us to be together and we would never work out.”
She blinked quickly, trying to hold back her tears. “Oh, okay,” she said with a tight smile, starting to walk away. “Sorry.” As soon as she was out of his sight, she began to run.
“Even if I felt the same way...” His words ran through her head. It didn’t even matter that it was wrong, because he didn’t love her back. She couldn’t cope with this thought and let the tears stream freely down her face as she ran to the one place where she had a chance of being able to escape the pain.
She stared at the water rushing by below her, dark and threatening. He hadn’t actually looked disgusted when she told him her secret, but her imagination painted him that way because she knew that must be what he was feeling. He must be sickened by the fact that a teenager had a huge crush on him.
It was okay. There were plenty of people that had been rejected by the person they were desperately in love with that lived through it. Still, she couldn’t think of anyone like this that wasn’t fictional.
The more she thought about it, the more the agony ripped through her, knowing she would never have him. She’d been just barely hanging on when she hadn’t known for a fact that he didn’t feel the same way, but now that she’d heard him say it himself, heard him tell her exactly what she’d always suspected, she wanted to die, more from the pain of knowing she was right than the embarrassment of being rejected. She glanced at the sky once, before returning her gaze to the river below.
It would take less than a step to forget all about him - all she had to do was lean forward.
But she could never do that to her family. For one, it wasn’t right. Suicide was never the answer, no matter how big the pain. But it would be an easy escape...
She sighed and stood up on top of the wall, fully intending to step onto the ground and walk home. She knew she would dream tonight about their conversation. Only in her dreams, it would’ve gone differently. As she gave the river one more look, seeing his face in her thoughts, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid having to see him again. And the thought of seeing him, of having him see her and know he broke her, was enough to make her break down into sobs one more time.
She took a deep breath and jumped.
She sat on the small wall that separated her from the water below and turned his words over and over in her mind. It wasn’t like he’d been trying to be mean; she knew that. But she still couldn’t help the fresh tears that ran down her face every time she relived the conversation and pictured his face, disgusted with her confession.
“I think...I love you...” she regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She watched as his face fell and he looked away from her, embarrassed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, almost apologetically. No matter what, he could never say anything to offend her. She knew that he meant anything he said in the nicest way possible; that was just who he was. “You’re mistaking a crush for love, that’s all,” he told her.
She stared at him, stunned, unsure of what to say. “I’m what? But I am...I mean...”
“Look,” he told her, obviously not wanting to hurt her feelings, “I’m sorry, even if I felt the same way about you, it wouldn’t be right for us to be together and we would never work out.”
She blinked quickly, trying to hold back her tears. “Oh, okay,” she said with a tight smile, starting to walk away. “Sorry.” As soon as she was out of his sight, she began to run.
“Even if I felt the same way...” His words ran through her head. It didn’t even matter that it was wrong, because he didn’t love her back. She couldn’t cope with this thought and let the tears stream freely down her face as she ran to the one place where she had a chance of being able to escape the pain.
She stared at the water rushing by below her, dark and threatening. He hadn’t actually looked disgusted when she told him her secret, but her imagination painted him that way because she knew that must be what he was feeling. He must be sickened by the fact that a teenager had a huge crush on him.
It was okay. There were plenty of people that had been rejected by the person they were desperately in love with that lived through it. Still, she couldn’t think of anyone like this that wasn’t fictional.
The more she thought about it, the more the agony ripped through her, knowing she would never have him. She’d been just barely hanging on when she hadn’t known for a fact that he didn’t feel the same way, but now that she’d heard him say it himself, heard him tell her exactly what she’d always suspected, she wanted to die, more from the pain of knowing she was right than the embarrassment of being rejected. She glanced at the sky once, before returning her gaze to the river below.
It would take less than a step to forget all about him - all she had to do was lean forward.
But she could never do that to her family. For one, it wasn’t right. Suicide was never the answer, no matter how big the pain. But it would be an easy escape...
She sighed and stood up on top of the wall, fully intending to step onto the ground and walk home. She knew she would dream tonight about their conversation. Only in her dreams, it would’ve gone differently. As she gave the river one more look, seeing his face in her thoughts, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid having to see him again. And the thought of seeing him, of having him see her and know he broke her, was enough to make her break down into sobs one more time.
She took a deep breath and jumped.
Name: Like It Or Not
Rating: PG for suicide/attempted suicide
Summary: "I'm so sorry, so, so sorry..."
She sat on the small wall that separated her from the water below and replayed the image of his shocked face over and over in her mind. His face confirmed everything she’d already known: that he was disgusted that someone so young and naïve, someone like her, had a crush on him. She was only infatuated with him and they both knew that.
“I think...I love you...” He was shocked into silence at her confession, words escaping him.
She waited for him to respond, but his mouth opened and closed, remaining empty of words. Fearing that he was too angry to speak, she quickly broke the silence with her tearful apologies.
“I’m so sorry, so, so sorry,” she murmured, wiping the tears away with her hand. “I shouldn’t have told you...shouldn’t even be feeling this way. I’m sorry...” She was barely able to speak through the sobs that wracked her body.
She ran away from him before he’d fully recovered, unable to stand the fact that he didn’t love her back.
She stared at the water rushing by below her, dark and threatening, wishing she could take it all back. She never should’ve told him how she felt, because now everything would be different.
They wouldn’t be able to go back to that friendly acquaintances stage that they’d been in, and it was completely her fault. Instead of keeping it all locked up inside of her, she’d let her true feelings show, and now she probably disgusted him.
She wished again that she could rewind the clock.
She found that the thought of him being sickened by her caused her more pain than the thought of never being able to hold him, never being able to kiss him like she’d always dreamt of doing. She could live without him. She couldn’t live with him hating her.
Or maybe he wouldn’t hate her. He was the gentlest, most caring person she knew, and somewhat perceptive of the thoughts and feelings of those around him. Although oblivious to her crush on him before, with her bursting into tears in front of him he was probably aware that he’d unintentionally hurt her. Maybe he would feel bad. And the thought of causing him pain made her shudder.
She sighed and stood up on the wall that she was sitting on, fully intending to step onto the ground and walk home. She knew she would dream about this tonight, only instead of staring at her in surprise, he would’ve leaned down and kissed her. As she gave the river one more look, seeing his stunned face in her thoughts, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid seeing him again. And the thought of seeing him, of having him see her and know that he broke her, was enough to make her break down into sobs one more time.
He wondered if he should go after her. As soon as she was out of sight, his senses jumped back into focus, and he realized what had just happened. He started running after her, with no idea where he was going.
He couldn’t believe he’d made her cry, and without having said anything. He’d just been too shocked by her confession to respond. And now, as he searched for her helplessly, he prayed that she would be okay. If he didn’t find her before she did something drastic, he’d never forgive himself.
Frustrated and not knowing what else to do, he ran to the river. If she wasn’t there, it would at least help him think. Try to remember what she’d told him were her favorite places to go when she was upset.
As he neared the bridge, he slowed his pace. There was a person standing on top of the wall. With a shock he realized it was her, and horror filled him as he saw her jump. Without thinking, he ran over to where she had been standing before she jumped, and dove straight into the dark, icy water.
The current thrashed her around and, to her great relief, blackness soon consumed her. As she swept down the freezing river, she dreamed.
An angel dove into the water with her. She couldn’t see him, but she knew that he was beautiful. He wrapped his strong arms around her and started pulling her to the surface. She soon felt herself being carried to the shore, and as he collapsed on the ground, her lungs filled with air. Her chest started burning, and she began to cough. Surely if she were dead, she wouldn’t be this uncomfortable?
He gazed at her worriedly as he pulled her into his lap. He called her name once or twice, begging her to wake up. He sighed in relief when she opened her eyes.
She found herself gazing into the angel’s dark eyes wonderingly. How had her angel turned out to be him, the one she couldn’t have?
“Are you okay?” he asked her, stroking her face gently and pushing her hair out of her face. She nodded and searched his face for answers, but she was too afraid to ask the questions out loud.
Almost immediately after she confirmed that she was okay, his eyes filled with tears. “Why?” he asked, tightening his hold on her. “Why would you jump?”
Her face crumpled. She was hurting him again, and that’s what she told him. “I was trying to take myself out of your life so I couldn’t hurt you anymore. But obviously it’s not working.”
His mood switched dramatically, and he laughed quietly, brushing her own tears away with his fingers. “You silly girl,” he mumbled lovingly, pulling her close to his chest. “You’ve never hurt me.” She didn’t mean to, but she flinched when he called her a girl. It confirmed her suspicion that he saw her as only a kid.
He shocked her when he leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Don’t ever do that again,” he lightly scolded, and all she could do was nod. Of course she’d agree to anything he asked of her.
They just sat there while he rocked her gently back and forth, and she wept silently. Occasionally he would wipe her tears away with his thumb, and this caring act would cause more tears to streak down her face. Noticing her shivering, he took off his jacket, though wet, and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“You don’t hate me?” She didn’t mean to speak, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. He gave her a confused look.
“Hate you? Of course not. As if I could hate you. Why would you even ask that?” He laughed, as if his mind couldn’t comprehend the idea.
She looked away from his face. “After...what I told you, I figured you would never want to see me again.” She shuddered as a wave of regret washed through her. “I never should’ve said anything. It ruined everything.”
He put his warm hand against her cheek and forced her to look at him. “Listen to me.” His hand remained where it was, warming her from the inside out. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve never thought of you that way. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t see you that way.” He tried desperately to put into words everything he’d realized in the past fifteen minutes. “The idea never even occurred to me because I didn’t realize how you felt, so you won’t blame me will you?” He worried he might offend her.
“Of course not!” she exclaimed, shaking her head, wondering how the conversation had turned around so suddenly.
“Good.” He took his hand away from her face, only to rest it on her upper arm. “I’m quite fond of you,” he grinned. He felt relieved when she finally began to smile. Then, turning serious, he continued. “I care for you - more than I even realized.” His eyes seemed to turn a shade darker as they sat there.
She struggled to keep her overwhelming sense of joy to herself. “What does this mean, then?” she asked him.
His eyes flickered away, towards the river, then back to her face. “I think this means that...I’m going to be hanging around you a lot more often, whether you like it or not.”
Her smile lit up her whole face, and he was unable to resist pulling her in for a hug. He felt her slide her arms around his waist and lean her head against his chest, and he sighed, tightening his arms around her. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to let go of her, and, at the moment, didn’t ever want to.