Speak Now: Back To December
Title: Back To December
Fandom: Big Time Rush
Pairing: Kendall/Logan
Rating/Warnings: PG
Word Count: 369
Disclaimer: If I owned Big Time Rush, I would have no need for fanfiction.
Summary: I decided to write a collection of fics based on Taylor Swift's album Speak Now. Some may have actual names, some may not. Some actually match the lyrics, others were just barely inspired by them. Pretty much all of them are slash.
It’s been twelve months. Twelve months, nine hours, and twenty-eight minutes since they broke up. Twelve months since Logan’s heart stopped beating (but not really, because he’s still here; even though he doesn’t want to be-he’s still here because his body decided not to just put him out of his misery).
Twelve months since the end of the world.
Even though it was his own fault, Logan will always look back on that day (every single day) and wish he could go back and change it. He would give anything to see that smile again, and not just in pictures that he couldn’t bear to throw away. He would give anything to go back and not be scared.
When he’s asked about his biggest regret, in that interview he wishes hadn’t gone to, he lies and says he doesn’t regret anything. And for two and half seconds (two and a half seconds when he almost, almost forgets), he almost believes it. But then he remembers.
As he walks up familiar steps to the front door, he thinks about that night. The night he said those ugly words (“Kendall-Kendall I can’t.”) and ruined everything. The night he let his fears of someone finding out about them overpower everything he felt for the other boy. But he also thinks about them, James and Carlos and Kendall-not as his friends, but as Big Time Rush. About what they stood for. About going big time.
He stares at the button, the button that could change his life, and thinks about how if he pushes it, everything could (could-but probably won’t) change. He could be forgiven. He could gain back a friend, or even a lover. Or he could be thrown out and told to never show his face here again. No matter what happens, something might change (but it will most likely be the latter).
But if he doesn’t push it, he could walk away like nothing happened, and go back to pretending that he’s alright and that being alone doesn’t bother him at all. He could just forget about it all. He could make this feeling of terror go away.
He takes a deep breath and pushes it.
Fandom: Big Time Rush
Pairing: Kendall/Logan
Rating/Warnings: PG
Word Count: 369
Disclaimer: If I owned Big Time Rush, I would have no need for fanfiction.
Summary: I decided to write a collection of fics based on Taylor Swift's album Speak Now. Some may have actual names, some may not. Some actually match the lyrics, others were just barely inspired by them. Pretty much all of them are slash.
It’s been twelve months. Twelve months, nine hours, and twenty-eight minutes since they broke up. Twelve months since Logan’s heart stopped beating (but not really, because he’s still here; even though he doesn’t want to be-he’s still here because his body decided not to just put him out of his misery).
Twelve months since the end of the world.
Even though it was his own fault, Logan will always look back on that day (every single day) and wish he could go back and change it. He would give anything to see that smile again, and not just in pictures that he couldn’t bear to throw away. He would give anything to go back and not be scared.
When he’s asked about his biggest regret, in that interview he wishes hadn’t gone to, he lies and says he doesn’t regret anything. And for two and half seconds (two and a half seconds when he almost, almost forgets), he almost believes it. But then he remembers.
As he walks up familiar steps to the front door, he thinks about that night. The night he said those ugly words (“Kendall-Kendall I can’t.”) and ruined everything. The night he let his fears of someone finding out about them overpower everything he felt for the other boy. But he also thinks about them, James and Carlos and Kendall-not as his friends, but as Big Time Rush. About what they stood for. About going big time.
He stares at the button, the button that could change his life, and thinks about how if he pushes it, everything could (could-but probably won’t) change. He could be forgiven. He could gain back a friend, or even a lover. Or he could be thrown out and told to never show his face here again. No matter what happens, something might change (but it will most likely be the latter).
But if he doesn’t push it, he could walk away like nothing happened, and go back to pretending that he’s alright and that being alone doesn’t bother him at all. He could just forget about it all. He could make this feeling of terror go away.
He takes a deep breath and pushes it.