whats going on as of now
bajas: well, they wouldnt let sam in cause of the way he was dressed. we bought him new clothes....still wouldnt let him in. then megan took him home to get changed and leah, christina and i went in. megan never came. leah bough christina drinks and we were sipping at it. well....gulping kinda. lol. i think i was a bit buzzed. but not enough to feel REALLY good. we were dancing all night and we even got up on this platform thing. it was awesome. you could see over everyone. megan never showed up and she said she couldnt find a parking spot and the lines were too long so she left. leahs dad had to come get us. not too grand there.
upsetting: justin called me and told me he was moving to salsbury with his gf. something about he was joining the family business. STUPID! i can really see that working out now. but its upsetting to me. i mean, i know that it shouldnt...but it does. here is the one person i thought i knew better then myself leaving to live with someone he barely knows. i NEVER see him and we only talk occasionally, but now, hes gonna be thousands of miles away and im gonna be left here more alone then i already am. im trying to see it as, 'well jenn, heres your chance to REALLY move on', but i cant. he has his life all planned out and hes so happy. yet for some reason, i cant find happiness. its just not out there for me. im so scared ill NEVER find it. i had my life planned out for so long. my career, my significant other, my living arrangements. now, thats all been shattered. i dont know what i want anymore. its like, over the past 3 months...all hope has been lost. i have been shoved in this corner and i cant escape. something just isnt right. will it ever be? i never knew breaking up was this hard. i regret everything within the past 3 months. i think i seriously hate my life. i wish i was someone else. sometimes, i wish i didnt even exist. maybe its other people i wish didnt exist. and dont worry, this is just a bad night. i dont feel like this EVERYDAY. i dont pity myself 24 7. its just certain nights, on certain days, i feel like the world would be such a better place if i hadnt of fucked up. theres always that what if. what if i didnt make such a dramatic change? what if i would have actually thought with my heart instead of my head? well, at the time. my head wasnt reading the right signals from my heart. oh well...everything happens for a reason...right?
work: OMG! the 10 for 10 has been crazy! we have been so busy. one minute theres no one. the next, lines are going down the aisles. thank god tomorrow is the last day. and my 7th day straight. thank god i have weds. thank god!
upsetting: justin called me and told me he was moving to salsbury with his gf. something about he was joining the family business. STUPID! i can really see that working out now. but its upsetting to me. i mean, i know that it shouldnt...but it does. here is the one person i thought i knew better then myself leaving to live with someone he barely knows. i NEVER see him and we only talk occasionally, but now, hes gonna be thousands of miles away and im gonna be left here more alone then i already am. im trying to see it as, 'well jenn, heres your chance to REALLY move on', but i cant. he has his life all planned out and hes so happy. yet for some reason, i cant find happiness. its just not out there for me. im so scared ill NEVER find it. i had my life planned out for so long. my career, my significant other, my living arrangements. now, thats all been shattered. i dont know what i want anymore. its like, over the past 3 months...all hope has been lost. i have been shoved in this corner and i cant escape. something just isnt right. will it ever be? i never knew breaking up was this hard. i regret everything within the past 3 months. i think i seriously hate my life. i wish i was someone else. sometimes, i wish i didnt even exist. maybe its other people i wish didnt exist. and dont worry, this is just a bad night. i dont feel like this EVERYDAY. i dont pity myself 24 7. its just certain nights, on certain days, i feel like the world would be such a better place if i hadnt of fucked up. theres always that what if. what if i didnt make such a dramatic change? what if i would have actually thought with my heart instead of my head? well, at the time. my head wasnt reading the right signals from my heart. oh well...everything happens for a reason...right?
work: OMG! the 10 for 10 has been crazy! we have been so busy. one minute theres no one. the next, lines are going down the aisles. thank god tomorrow is the last day. and my 7th day straight. thank god i have weds. thank god!