moseying to work, working to mosey

[burgunder]

walking to work passing a construction site reading a book
one of the guys in the above balcony waves no one cat calls
ah, seattle

there's a guy at work
whenever i see him i think
stop trying so hard
i can't see who you are

there's some people
whenever i see them i think
stop trying so hard
i can't see who you are

who are you?
i hope the center of your id
isn't just a desire to be loved

i spent my 20s
kicking around
trying to find stability

i'm in my 30s and it takes
all the players in the play to keep up that myth
of security and stability
and i'm not much of a director
so i'm listening to melodic metal on my head phones
and daydreaming of
renting a car, and wandering off
the grid
or maybe just wandering the city
getting lost so maybe
when i come back
i feel less lost
y'know?

i saw cat last night
and she's still beautiful and joyful
and there won't be someday when she suddenly decides
to have a huge crush on me
despite my tendency to daydream
she makes me smile
because there's still beautiful joyful people
and some of them will be fond of me
and maybe someday cat will be a good friend
and maybe she'll always just be a random girl
i'm happy to see at cafe flora

i don't have enough money to
buy a motorcycle and
go to the east coast in october and
go to crete for a month and
keep a small reserve for if lauren has an emergency and
keep a small reserve for any medical emergencies i might encounter and
keep a small reserve for any medical emergencies widget might encounter and
start saving for a place on orcas island and
go without work for 3 months
time to make some choices
so i find myself holding still
stubborn
i'm so lucky
that my choices are between wants
and not needs
so i find myself holding still
grateful
holding still, nonetheless

i saw ilsa last night
and let her wash over me
that girl and her synaptic fire
may i spend the rest of my life
in the occasional glorious presence
of friends with passion and insight and
observation and revelation
give me a passionate person who I do not agree with
over apathy
anyday
but a passionate person I agree with will also do fine

linear a is beautiful
the walk to work was beautiful
the melodic metal in my headphones is alive

neighbours was so weird last night
blown speakers
people dancing with backpacks and drinks in hand
but david, the todd, tomcat, margot, ginger were there
and i met jack, a boi in a 3-piece suit who reminded me of ryan's wife kelly
super cute, wish lauren could've seen jack

i'm in a despair for engaging conversations
and human connection
while also feeling my lone wolf introvert assert

hi