Getting back on the path
The ups and downs of my 32nd year ...
Money/Work
I spent 6 months trying to find a job, and eventually had to take a job from the one employer I hoped never to have to work for again because of the ceaseless stress the culture represents. It prevented me from being homeless, and I'm grateful for that, but my maintenance of hobbies and friendships has been a bare minimum, and I don't feel good about that. I did command a remarkable salary, and I was able to pay off the unexpected IRS debt from the 1099 contract fiasco of 2008, so that was good too. Debt-free, but not much savings, esp. given my salary. Still, better than many. I also know that having them on my resume is very impressive and gets me in a lot of doors that would otherwise be closed to me. I am very proud of the products that I was a part of - anything that makes access to literature around the world easier is very much in alignment with my values.
The recruiter from RHT contacted me about a Ruby/Java SDET contract last week. It wasn't quite what I have the professional experience to do, but he says the market for contract work is picking back up.
Between an IRS refund and work, I've managed to save up $5k which means I have a tiny bit of wiggle room for worst case scenarios. I won't leave my current job until I know I have a new one to go to.
I wonder if I can find a job here that will open doorways to Crete for me. Hm. I just signed a one year lease, and don't want to consider a job on Crete until I've at least visited once and developed an opinion about the modern island. And I suppose I should learn some Greek that's newer than 3000 years old before giving that more serious consideration.
Health BS
The apartment I planned to live in until I bought a house or committed to living with a significant other developed mold in the dry wall, and I unexpectedly had to move. The bill for cleaning attempts, an Urgent Care visit, failed western medicine prescriptions for theoretical asthma and lab work with my regular general practitioner: ~ $900. It would've been much worse, though, if i hadn't had health insurance through my company, so I got lucky there. Breathing problems resolved with the move, though, so that's a very big positive.
I spent 5 months with an IUD that caused me almost constant pain. 12% of women have them removed because of pain, and I'm one of them.
I slipped a disc during my move, which is causing me a lot of really fierce lower back pain. It was getting better bit by bit until this morning. Will follow advice from Chris, who has had to deal with a much worse version of this.
General malaise because of work-related lack of energy and not much time/energy to pursue the things that make me happy.
Romance
Amazing, happy, comfortable relationship with Ian. Which ended last night. Though he cares about me deeply, he doesn't love me. It happens. And no matter how much I want to argue about this and keep Ian, no matter how nice it was to date someone that all of my friends really liked, there's nothing I can do. Ok.
I guess on the upside, I can stop taking BCP for awhile after I finish this cycle. That'll be a nice break.
Friends
Work and lack of energy has prevented me from spending much quality time with all of the wonderful people in my life. Hoping to fix this by changing jobs in the next year.
Grateful to everyone who has stuck around in spite of this, and hopeful that I can make amends as I fix the things that are making me unhappy and get more time/energy for myself. I haven't been a very good or present friend in the last year. Yeah, I've had a few distractions, so I forgive myself, but I do most definitely want to change this back to the way it was a year ago.
Tao
Yeah. Not so much. I've wandered onto the path of most resistance because I was too scared to be moneyless and go live with Kris or my parents for awhile. I do think this was ultimately the right decision, but I've definitely sacrificed my joy for financial stability and housing security.
In conclusion, I'm not very happy with how my life is going right now. Which means it's time for me to see exactly how much of this I can fix. I really miss the happy me that takes photographs of quirky things, writes long sentimental letters to friends, cooks, dances on Thursdays and has time to comment on the wonderful stories people share on LiveJournal, in email, and elsewhere.
1. Update resume and start looking for a new job. My first day was 26 May 2009, so the earliest I can leave without having to pay back a signing bonus which I can't afford is around 1 June. I endure work for, at the very least, another 2.5 months. Ugh. But I can start lining up interviews and trying to find summer contract work in that time. Wish me luck. It's still not a great market.
2. Schedule daily time for my passion (Minoa!) because I get a lot of fulfillment and joy from this. Both Kris and Emily have sent me articles recently which remind me of something important: making time for your passion is critical to being happy and fulfilled in life. J.K. Rowling's amazing commencement speech at Harvard also reminded me that there are many things worth sacrificing for this.
I think everything else is still pretty much right on, I just need a different job. I had things right for 5 years, so hopefully I will be able to make it happen again.
Money/Work
I spent 6 months trying to find a job, and eventually had to take a job from the one employer I hoped never to have to work for again because of the ceaseless stress the culture represents. It prevented me from being homeless, and I'm grateful for that, but my maintenance of hobbies and friendships has been a bare minimum, and I don't feel good about that. I did command a remarkable salary, and I was able to pay off the unexpected IRS debt from the 1099 contract fiasco of 2008, so that was good too. Debt-free, but not much savings, esp. given my salary. Still, better than many. I also know that having them on my resume is very impressive and gets me in a lot of doors that would otherwise be closed to me. I am very proud of the products that I was a part of - anything that makes access to literature around the world easier is very much in alignment with my values.
The recruiter from RHT contacted me about a Ruby/Java SDET contract last week. It wasn't quite what I have the professional experience to do, but he says the market for contract work is picking back up.
Between an IRS refund and work, I've managed to save up $5k which means I have a tiny bit of wiggle room for worst case scenarios. I won't leave my current job until I know I have a new one to go to.
I wonder if I can find a job here that will open doorways to Crete for me. Hm. I just signed a one year lease, and don't want to consider a job on Crete until I've at least visited once and developed an opinion about the modern island. And I suppose I should learn some Greek that's newer than 3000 years old before giving that more serious consideration.
Health BS
The apartment I planned to live in until I bought a house or committed to living with a significant other developed mold in the dry wall, and I unexpectedly had to move. The bill for cleaning attempts, an Urgent Care visit, failed western medicine prescriptions for theoretical asthma and lab work with my regular general practitioner: ~ $900. It would've been much worse, though, if i hadn't had health insurance through my company, so I got lucky there. Breathing problems resolved with the move, though, so that's a very big positive.
I spent 5 months with an IUD that caused me almost constant pain. 12% of women have them removed because of pain, and I'm one of them.
I slipped a disc during my move, which is causing me a lot of really fierce lower back pain. It was getting better bit by bit until this morning. Will follow advice from Chris, who has had to deal with a much worse version of this.
General malaise because of work-related lack of energy and not much time/energy to pursue the things that make me happy.
Romance
Amazing, happy, comfortable relationship with Ian. Which ended last night. Though he cares about me deeply, he doesn't love me. It happens. And no matter how much I want to argue about this and keep Ian, no matter how nice it was to date someone that all of my friends really liked, there's nothing I can do. Ok.
I guess on the upside, I can stop taking BCP for awhile after I finish this cycle. That'll be a nice break.
Friends
Work and lack of energy has prevented me from spending much quality time with all of the wonderful people in my life. Hoping to fix this by changing jobs in the next year.
Grateful to everyone who has stuck around in spite of this, and hopeful that I can make amends as I fix the things that are making me unhappy and get more time/energy for myself. I haven't been a very good or present friend in the last year. Yeah, I've had a few distractions, so I forgive myself, but I do most definitely want to change this back to the way it was a year ago.
Tao
Yeah. Not so much. I've wandered onto the path of most resistance because I was too scared to be moneyless and go live with Kris or my parents for awhile. I do think this was ultimately the right decision, but I've definitely sacrificed my joy for financial stability and housing security.
In conclusion, I'm not very happy with how my life is going right now. Which means it's time for me to see exactly how much of this I can fix. I really miss the happy me that takes photographs of quirky things, writes long sentimental letters to friends, cooks, dances on Thursdays and has time to comment on the wonderful stories people share on LiveJournal, in email, and elsewhere.
1. Update resume and start looking for a new job. My first day was 26 May 2009, so the earliest I can leave without having to pay back a signing bonus which I can't afford is around 1 June. I endure work for, at the very least, another 2.5 months. Ugh. But I can start lining up interviews and trying to find summer contract work in that time. Wish me luck. It's still not a great market.
2. Schedule daily time for my passion (Minoa!) because I get a lot of fulfillment and joy from this. Both Kris and Emily have sent me articles recently which remind me of something important: making time for your passion is critical to being happy and fulfilled in life. J.K. Rowling's amazing commencement speech at Harvard also reminded me that there are many things worth sacrificing for this.
I think everything else is still pretty much right on, I just need a different job. I had things right for 5 years, so hopefully I will be able to make it happen again.