*DEPRESSION REALLY BLOWS*
I KNOW THAT I HAVE CRIED ABOUT THESE VERY SAMETHINGS BEFORE AND I'M SURE THAT NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO IT BUT, I AM WRITING ABOUT IT ANWAY!I JUST REALLY NEED TO GET ALOT OFF MY CHEST AND THIS IS ONE WAY THAT I KNOW IT WILL HELP! NOT THAT EVERYONE WILL HELP ME THROUGH THIS BUT, AT LEAST MAYBE ONE TIME I CAN SPEAK MY MIND COMPLETELY AND NOT GET INTERUPPTED!SO HERE IT GOES...
* WELL AS EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YESTERDAY WAS THE 2OTH AND I SAID THAT I WOULD TALK ABOUT IT SO I AM GOING TOO! AS OF YESTERDAY IT MAKES A YEAR SINCE MY UNCLE DIED AND MOST OF YOU KNOW THAT I HAD A REALLY HARD TIME WITH IT! YES AND STILL A YEAR LATER I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. I HEAR A AC/DC SONG ON THE RADIO I HAVE TO TURN IT BECAUSE I CRY! (HE REALLY LOVED AC/DC), I SEE A PICTURE OF HIM I HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROOM BECUASE I CRY, I CAN'T GO TO HIS GRAVE HAVEN'T BEEN SINCE WE BURRIED HIM! I STILL RESENT HIS WIFE! I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT ALL HER FAULT BUT, I FEEL THAT SHE IS A BIG CAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED. I HATE MYSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED BECUASE I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE MAYBE HE WOULD STILL BE HERE! I HATE MYSELF EVERYTIME I LOOK AT KAMALYNN BECAUSE I WOULDN'T LET HIM SEE HER BECUASE HE HAD A COLD AND I DIDN'T WANT HER TO GET IT!SO HE NEVER SEEN HER. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD IT HAVE HURT?? I STILL HAVE THE DRESS THAT SHE WORE TO HIS FUNERAL AND REFUSE TO GET RID OF IT! THAT IS THE ONLY TIME SHE EVER WORE THAT DRESS!I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH! WILL IT EVER GET TO THE POINT WERE IT DOESN'T HURT SO MUCH??
* I AM SO TIRED OF DOING EVERYTHING MYSELF! I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR NOTHING IT SEEMS LIKE BECUASE I JUST HAVE TO TURN RIGHT BACK AROUND AND DO IT AGAIN.. I SPENT THE ENTIRE WEEKEND CLEANING AND YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL THAT I DID. I KNOW I WASHED DISHES ABOUT 10 TIMES AND SWEPT AND MOPPED MY FLOORS 5 OR 6 TIMES TOOK OUT THE TRASH 3 TIMES, I DONE 900,000 LOADS OF LAUNDARY,AND COOKED TO MANY TIMES FOR ME TO REMEMBER. I JUST GET SO TIRED OF THE SAME OLD CRAP IT IS NEVER ENDING! I REALLY THINK THAT JOSH BURCHELL IS REALLY GOING TO DIE IF YOU ASK HIM TO DO SOMETHING HE HUFF'S AND PUFF'S... JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I EXPECT HIM TO HELP... HE THROWS THAT SORRY ASS EXSCUSE UP " I HAVE WORKED ALL DAY I AM TIRED"..... WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I WORK JUST AS MUCH AS HE DOES AND MORE WITH BABYING HIM AND RAISING KAMALYNN AND TAKING CARE OF EVERY OTHER F*ING THING I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF!! GAHH *YELLS*
* JUST FEELS LIKE I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO WHEN I REALLY NEED IT! JOSH GETS MAD IF I TALK TO HIM, ALY IS WORKING AND SPENDING TIME WITH "BB", TYDESHA WITH BRYAN, SARABETH WITH GRANT AND HER NEW JOB, PAM WITH MIKEY AND THEIR BABY ON THE WAY,DIANNA WITH ANDY AND KIMBERLIN,TONYA WITH HER FAMILY, JENN WITH HERS AND HER JOB, MY NANA HAS ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT, MY MOM WILL SAY IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T GO TO CHURCH,FELICIA IS WITH ROBBIE... IM NOT CLOSE TO ANYONE ELSE REALLY.. NO ONE I TRUST AT LEAST. I PRAY BUT, IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT IS GETTING ANY BETTER... IM JUST NOT SURE WHERE TO TURN.
* AS SOME KNOW I STARVED MYSELF WHEN I WAS YOUNGER FOR A LIL' OVER TWO YEARS AND IT ALMOST KILLED ME! WELL I HAVE DONE REALLY GOOD THE PAST THREE OF NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN. BUT HERE LATELY I THINK ABOUT DOING IT MORE AND MORE. I KEEP GAINING WIEGHT I HAVE TRIED DIET PILLS THEY DON'T WORK BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER TO TAKE THEM!I CAN'T WORK OUT I HAVE NO WAY TO THE GYM. WITH OUT ASKING SOMEONE TO TAKE ME AND I HATE TO DEPEND ON SOMEONE! ALTHOUGH I HAVE TO SAY THAT THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ONE TIME THAT I NEEDED TO GO SOMEWHERE AND ALY HASN'T BEEN THERE TO TAKE ME!! BUT I TRY NOT TO ASK UNLESS I REALLY NEED IT. ITS REALLY HARD TO WORK OUT AT HOME WITH THE BABY THERE, LAST TIME I HAD THAT EXERCISE BIKE IN THE HOUSE SHE FELL AND BUSTED HER TOP TWO TEETH THROUGH.. SO THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. CAN'T WALK AROUND MY CIRCLE CONSIDERING THERE IS A SEX OFFENDER THAT LIVES LIKE THREE HOUSES DOWN FROM ME SO THAT IS A NO! I JUST KEEP THINKING THAT NOT EATING IS THE EASIEST WAY AND THE FASTEST TO LOOSE IT BUT, I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO GET BACK TO THAT POINT BECUASE NOW I HAVE A LIL' GURL TO LIVE FOR.
* I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY JOB BECUASE I REALLY DO LOVE IT I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT I COULD HAVE A BETTER ONE! IT IS JUST REALLY GREAT!
* KAMALYNN IS GROWING LIKE CRAZY AND SOME OF HER BACK TEETH JUST CUT THROUGH SO SHE HAS BEEN IN SOME PAIN AND PRETTY FUSSY BUT I STILL LOVE HER SO MUCH! I DON'T THINK THAT WILL EVER CHANGE! SHE HAS A PAGEANT SATURDAY AND I AM EXCITED ABOUT THAT! YAY.. AND LIL' MISS ASHLEIGH BROOKE IS IN IT WITH HER GOOD LUCK GURLS!
* JOSH WELL YOU KNOW THE SAME OL SAME OL! OHH WELL I CAN'T HELP BUT, LOVE HIS SORRY ASS AND NOT SURE WHY SOMETIMES!
* I HAVE BILLS PILLED UP TO MY EARS AND AS SOON AS I GET MY TAX'S BACK EVERY DIME I EARNED WILL GO TO BILLS, MY CAR, TAGS, STICKERS, GROCERIES, DIAPERS, ME SOME WORK CLOTHES CAUSE I AM TO F*ING FAT TO FIT INTO MINE.. SO GOOD BYE MONEY WHEN IT GETS HERE! BROKE AGAIN BUT AT LEAST I AM NOT IN AS MUCH DEBT!SO I GUESS THAT IS BETTER THAN IN THE WHOLE!
* NOW THAT THIS IS THE LONGEST ENTRY THAT I BELIEVE I HAVE EVER TYPED I THINK I AM GOING TO GO! GRANTED I REALLY DON'T FEEL THAT MUCH BETTER ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT, AT LEAST I KNOW THAT SOMEONE WILL READ THIS AND LISTEN I HOPE! BUT, I AM GONE <<3 YALL
* WELL AS EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YESTERDAY WAS THE 2OTH AND I SAID THAT I WOULD TALK ABOUT IT SO I AM GOING TOO! AS OF YESTERDAY IT MAKES A YEAR SINCE MY UNCLE DIED AND MOST OF YOU KNOW THAT I HAD A REALLY HARD TIME WITH IT! YES AND STILL A YEAR LATER I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. I HEAR A AC/DC SONG ON THE RADIO I HAVE TO TURN IT BECAUSE I CRY! (HE REALLY LOVED AC/DC), I SEE A PICTURE OF HIM I HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROOM BECUASE I CRY, I CAN'T GO TO HIS GRAVE HAVEN'T BEEN SINCE WE BURRIED HIM! I STILL RESENT HIS WIFE! I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT ALL HER FAULT BUT, I FEEL THAT SHE IS A BIG CAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED. I HATE MYSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED BECUASE I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE MAYBE HE WOULD STILL BE HERE! I HATE MYSELF EVERYTIME I LOOK AT KAMALYNN BECAUSE I WOULDN'T LET HIM SEE HER BECUASE HE HAD A COLD AND I DIDN'T WANT HER TO GET IT!SO HE NEVER SEEN HER. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD IT HAVE HURT?? I STILL HAVE THE DRESS THAT SHE WORE TO HIS FUNERAL AND REFUSE TO GET RID OF IT! THAT IS THE ONLY TIME SHE EVER WORE THAT DRESS!I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH! WILL IT EVER GET TO THE POINT WERE IT DOESN'T HURT SO MUCH??
* I AM SO TIRED OF DOING EVERYTHING MYSELF! I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR NOTHING IT SEEMS LIKE BECUASE I JUST HAVE TO TURN RIGHT BACK AROUND AND DO IT AGAIN.. I SPENT THE ENTIRE WEEKEND CLEANING AND YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL THAT I DID. I KNOW I WASHED DISHES ABOUT 10 TIMES AND SWEPT AND MOPPED MY FLOORS 5 OR 6 TIMES TOOK OUT THE TRASH 3 TIMES, I DONE 900,000 LOADS OF LAUNDARY,AND COOKED TO MANY TIMES FOR ME TO REMEMBER. I JUST GET SO TIRED OF THE SAME OLD CRAP IT IS NEVER ENDING! I REALLY THINK THAT JOSH BURCHELL IS REALLY GOING TO DIE IF YOU ASK HIM TO DO SOMETHING HE HUFF'S AND PUFF'S... JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I EXPECT HIM TO HELP... HE THROWS THAT SORRY ASS EXSCUSE UP " I HAVE WORKED ALL DAY I AM TIRED"..... WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I WORK JUST AS MUCH AS HE DOES AND MORE WITH BABYING HIM AND RAISING KAMALYNN AND TAKING CARE OF EVERY OTHER F*ING THING I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF!! GAHH *YELLS*
* JUST FEELS LIKE I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO WHEN I REALLY NEED IT! JOSH GETS MAD IF I TALK TO HIM, ALY IS WORKING AND SPENDING TIME WITH "BB", TYDESHA WITH BRYAN, SARABETH WITH GRANT AND HER NEW JOB, PAM WITH MIKEY AND THEIR BABY ON THE WAY,DIANNA WITH ANDY AND KIMBERLIN,TONYA WITH HER FAMILY, JENN WITH HERS AND HER JOB, MY NANA HAS ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT, MY MOM WILL SAY IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T GO TO CHURCH,FELICIA IS WITH ROBBIE... IM NOT CLOSE TO ANYONE ELSE REALLY.. NO ONE I TRUST AT LEAST. I PRAY BUT, IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT IS GETTING ANY BETTER... IM JUST NOT SURE WHERE TO TURN.
* AS SOME KNOW I STARVED MYSELF WHEN I WAS YOUNGER FOR A LIL' OVER TWO YEARS AND IT ALMOST KILLED ME! WELL I HAVE DONE REALLY GOOD THE PAST THREE OF NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN. BUT HERE LATELY I THINK ABOUT DOING IT MORE AND MORE. I KEEP GAINING WIEGHT I HAVE TRIED DIET PILLS THEY DON'T WORK BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER TO TAKE THEM!I CAN'T WORK OUT I HAVE NO WAY TO THE GYM. WITH OUT ASKING SOMEONE TO TAKE ME AND I HATE TO DEPEND ON SOMEONE! ALTHOUGH I HAVE TO SAY THAT THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ONE TIME THAT I NEEDED TO GO SOMEWHERE AND ALY HASN'T BEEN THERE TO TAKE ME!! BUT I TRY NOT TO ASK UNLESS I REALLY NEED IT. ITS REALLY HARD TO WORK OUT AT HOME WITH THE BABY THERE, LAST TIME I HAD THAT EXERCISE BIKE IN THE HOUSE SHE FELL AND BUSTED HER TOP TWO TEETH THROUGH.. SO THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. CAN'T WALK AROUND MY CIRCLE CONSIDERING THERE IS A SEX OFFENDER THAT LIVES LIKE THREE HOUSES DOWN FROM ME SO THAT IS A NO! I JUST KEEP THINKING THAT NOT EATING IS THE EASIEST WAY AND THE FASTEST TO LOOSE IT BUT, I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO GET BACK TO THAT POINT BECUASE NOW I HAVE A LIL' GURL TO LIVE FOR.
* I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY JOB BECUASE I REALLY DO LOVE IT I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT I COULD HAVE A BETTER ONE! IT IS JUST REALLY GREAT!
* KAMALYNN IS GROWING LIKE CRAZY AND SOME OF HER BACK TEETH JUST CUT THROUGH SO SHE HAS BEEN IN SOME PAIN AND PRETTY FUSSY BUT I STILL LOVE HER SO MUCH! I DON'T THINK THAT WILL EVER CHANGE! SHE HAS A PAGEANT SATURDAY AND I AM EXCITED ABOUT THAT! YAY.. AND LIL' MISS ASHLEIGH BROOKE IS IN IT WITH HER GOOD LUCK GURLS!
* JOSH WELL YOU KNOW THE SAME OL SAME OL! OHH WELL I CAN'T HELP BUT, LOVE HIS SORRY ASS AND NOT SURE WHY SOMETIMES!
* I HAVE BILLS PILLED UP TO MY EARS AND AS SOON AS I GET MY TAX'S BACK EVERY DIME I EARNED WILL GO TO BILLS, MY CAR, TAGS, STICKERS, GROCERIES, DIAPERS, ME SOME WORK CLOTHES CAUSE I AM TO F*ING FAT TO FIT INTO MINE.. SO GOOD BYE MONEY WHEN IT GETS HERE! BROKE AGAIN BUT AT LEAST I AM NOT IN AS MUCH DEBT!SO I GUESS THAT IS BETTER THAN IN THE WHOLE!
* NOW THAT THIS IS THE LONGEST ENTRY THAT I BELIEVE I HAVE EVER TYPED I THINK I AM GOING TO GO! GRANTED I REALLY DON'T FEEL THAT MUCH BETTER ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT, AT LEAST I KNOW THAT SOMEONE WILL READ THIS AND LISTEN I HOPE! BUT, I AM GONE <<3 YALL