I'm not running away, I'm living my life.
I don't think anyone can possibly understand how badly I want to go away to school this Fall. Yes, I just basically got fully paid tuition to go to Rowan. News flash: I don't want to go to Rowan. Rowan is my safety net, and I don't want it to be anything more than that. If everything else falls through, I can still continue my education at Rowan. I'm not saying Rowan's a bad school or anything. They got a lot of great writing/journalism/English programs and all, but it's just not for me.
I need to get away. I need to go to North Jersey. It is my dream to become a professional journalist and work for a major entertainment magazine like The Rolling Stone. And, well, New York City is basically publishing city. Everything that I want to do is in New York City. I want to be a big-time journalist for a major magazine. I want to get my books published. And, say neither of those things happen...they still have high schools. They still have colleges. I'll have my English degree...I'll always have teaching to fall back on. But, I can be a teacher anywheres. I can't be a top journalist at a major magazine anywheres. How many big magazines have head quarters in South Jersey? Or even Philly? Not many. They are all in New York. That's where I need to be.
I applied to schools in North Jersey rather than New York City simply because I know I can't afford to live in NYC. According to Google Maps, Kean is approximately 12 miles away from NYC. The other North Jersey school I applied to, St. Peters, is almost the same exact distance. They're in New Jersey, so being in-state the tuition will be cheaper and being in New Jersey I'm assuming general living costs will be cheaper than NYC. But it's stil easy to go to NYC. I can intern at some magazines or whatever in NYC. It seems like the ideal situation to me. Also, both schools sound like they have excellent academic programs. They both have journalism, teaching, and general English programs. All of which I want/need. The cost of tuition isn't too ridiculous either. I still need to see financial aid packages, though. So far, without the financial aid package, St. Peters has offered me an $11,000 scholarship. That's about half of the total cost of tuition. Getting a scholarship like that right from the get-go definitely makes me feel optomistic about my pending aid package.
Another reason why I want to go away to school so bad...is well...to get away. I feel like I'm restricted and restrained here. Like i don't have much freedom to just do what I want to do. I view going away to school as my one shot at freedom and independence. The chance to be my own person and figure out who I am really. Do what I want to do, how i want to do it, without that constant fear of disapproval. I'm afraid if I don't leave now, I'll never get out. I'm honestly not happy here anymore. I feel like a caged bird and I want to fly. But in order to fly I need to leave. My wings here are all broken.
I know some of you probably think you've heard this all before back when I wanted to go away to school in West Virginia. This is a lot different though. West Virginia was a mistake. There was only one real reason why I applied to school there: I wanted to run away. I had a lot of things going on in my life. A lot of problems, a lot of drama. I thought if I moved 8 hours away I'd be able to escape it all. News flash: that plan didn't work. I definitely didn't think it through very rationally. I didn't really think it through at all. West Virginia doesn't have much really. It's certainly no place for a writer; at least not the kind of writer I want to be. There's no entertainment industries there. No major magazines. Nothing. It would be so hard to do the things that I want to do. Everything I need is in New York.
Leaving won't be easy. No. My heart's always going to be in Woodbury. I'll never forget this city and I'll always come back. This is just what I need for now.