(no subject)
i know i haven't updated in a while, but that's because i'm so miserable i don't even have the energy to get online. ever since i started this job i've wanted to kill myself. well not literally, but i just fucking hate it. i hate that fat fucking bastard and everything else that comes along with it. i'm still looking for another job. i should be on my way to work right now, but instead i've been sick since tuesday night. yeah, just fucking wonderful. i hate being sick and miserable and poor all at the same time. wtf is going on in my life?? the only good thing going for me right now is justin. i love him to death and if i didn't have him right now i would seriously fall apart. he's what makes me wanna get up every morning and the only thing that seems to make me smile these days. so much has changed since the end of january it's unreal. i thank god every day for justin and i hope he never leaves my life. so i was just sitting here thinking what if i was fucking pregnant and that's what i've been really dizzy and sick these past few days?!?!!? i don't know what the hell i'd do. i obviously wouldn't be living here anymore. ahhh, i really hope i'm not. i mean having jeyla in my life and seeing her all the time would make me wanna have a baby if it happened, but i'm not emotionally or financially there right now. ahhh i'm scared, really fucking scared. i think i'm gonna get a prego test this afternoon. wish me luck on a negative lol. yeah so i feel sick, i think i'm gonna go lay down till justin gets home. i miss all of you and i'll try to comment today or tonight. ♥ ya