This is a Rant among other things
Ok this is a warning to all. I do not want judgement or people feeling sorry for me. If you want to say something about the better things of life. I would love to hear it. But this is me reflecting my feelings about myself and others.
Now the things is. All the people I like as in interested in... are taken. Now there is only three people I even considered in this manner. But in honesty that list is only two.
But they are both taken. I dont know what is wrong with me, but it seems I have this problem with trying to get to the top. I want to be supreme or some stupid thing. But both of them are taken. And I feel bad because it's not me that can make them happy. I wish I could and when I cant... I feel ABSOLUTELY miserable when I cant make those I care about happiest. I feel like running away from them when I cant because I feel like I am the reason they feel like shit or are not happy. Even though I'm told I am not the reason. I still feel at fault for not being able to help. In honesty. I am looking forward at this point for not having internet for a week or more. I know I'm going to regret saying that later. But Right now I just want to run away from myself. This is because I am greedy and still yet to grow up. I have a inner child still and it still cries and tosses hissy fits. Even though I may not show such feelings or things. I am and have them. I still wish and I hope that's eough for my future.
*prays on his knees to his father* I hope I inherited the full of your blood and I hope I do not give up even having so much pain inside. I know you never told me your pain. But I know what you felt inside father.
Ok on the brighter side of things. I am suposed to move into my new place tomarrow. Well today but not fully till tomarrow. I am hoping to have everything set up within 3 days and I am happy to got a new place. I wil be able to save about 160 a month. Meaning 12 months by 160... that's enough for me if you ask me. I could move on that I have to say. But I am garenteed more hours so I may be getting 180-200 a month. I am happy.
I'm thinking of stopping at a store that sells plants and buying some plants. I love plants, I like to nuture things unbeleivably so. I feel bad when I dont have anything to look after. And as Care knows. I will spoil people rotten when given the chance.
My computer should be here within the week. So I am happy about that as well. I am guessing 3-5 days from now.
And I will be ordering a DVD burner for Care's loved one... I dont know what she considers him since they had that quewirble. "the relationship discussions." So I can bring it up when I visit. But I have yet to talk to Jasons mom about this, she considers me her son so I think it's right to inform her about the trip so she doesn't worry about me. =D. Kinda nice. I never had a mom so this is somewhat comforting.
I will be trying to keep people up to date about all this that happens in my life. But today is the first time where writing in a journal made me feel somewhat better.
Now today's poem.
Wish
-------------------------
Reach out to the stars
Which call out to the far
The wish you seek
Can only be reached
By the height of your mind
To tug and pull
Of fates door
Can only eventually lead
To a new path of happiness
Now the things is. All the people I like as in interested in... are taken. Now there is only three people I even considered in this manner. But in honesty that list is only two.
But they are both taken. I dont know what is wrong with me, but it seems I have this problem with trying to get to the top. I want to be supreme or some stupid thing. But both of them are taken. And I feel bad because it's not me that can make them happy. I wish I could and when I cant... I feel ABSOLUTELY miserable when I cant make those I care about happiest. I feel like running away from them when I cant because I feel like I am the reason they feel like shit or are not happy. Even though I'm told I am not the reason. I still feel at fault for not being able to help. In honesty. I am looking forward at this point for not having internet for a week or more. I know I'm going to regret saying that later. But Right now I just want to run away from myself. This is because I am greedy and still yet to grow up. I have a inner child still and it still cries and tosses hissy fits. Even though I may not show such feelings or things. I am and have them. I still wish and I hope that's eough for my future.
*prays on his knees to his father* I hope I inherited the full of your blood and I hope I do not give up even having so much pain inside. I know you never told me your pain. But I know what you felt inside father.
Ok on the brighter side of things. I am suposed to move into my new place tomarrow. Well today but not fully till tomarrow. I am hoping to have everything set up within 3 days and I am happy to got a new place. I wil be able to save about 160 a month. Meaning 12 months by 160... that's enough for me if you ask me. I could move on that I have to say. But I am garenteed more hours so I may be getting 180-200 a month. I am happy.
I'm thinking of stopping at a store that sells plants and buying some plants. I love plants, I like to nuture things unbeleivably so. I feel bad when I dont have anything to look after. And as Care knows. I will spoil people rotten when given the chance.
My computer should be here within the week. So I am happy about that as well. I am guessing 3-5 days from now.
And I will be ordering a DVD burner for Care's loved one... I dont know what she considers him since they had that quewirble. "the relationship discussions." So I can bring it up when I visit. But I have yet to talk to Jasons mom about this, she considers me her son so I think it's right to inform her about the trip so she doesn't worry about me. =D. Kinda nice. I never had a mom so this is somewhat comforting.
I will be trying to keep people up to date about all this that happens in my life. But today is the first time where writing in a journal made me feel somewhat better.
Now today's poem.
Wish
-------------------------
Reach out to the stars
Which call out to the far
The wish you seek
Can only be reached
By the height of your mind
To tug and pull
Of fates door
Can only eventually lead
To a new path of happiness