Well I Screwed Up
Welp... I screwed up. Made a path I was taking to apparent and it was taken wrongly by everyone.
Then again no one has ever understood me and those who have tried have gone insane to one extent or another. I guess I'm just a pandora's box here. Unopened and glad not to be opened. My complexity does make it quite a bit harder for me to relate to others. Also my inability to communicate with other humans doesn't help.
Yeah I guess I have to much time on my hands. My ability to focus on things it higher then norms... but also because I do have so much time just to "myself" I focus to much on other things. THUS cursed with knowledge.
I mean who can trade information if they themselve do not got equal to grater information to trade.
Yeah... blew of a half friend today. Shot him down on every idea he had. It made me feel good I was able to let some aggression out... but now I feel bad I had.
Yep the world is constantly a seesaw. In balance but always rocking back and forth. You always know to some extent where you'd end up. But you dont always know what's on the other side of the scale.
*sighs* Sometimes I yern to be understood. I dont claim to understand. Though to me... most things people call complex... I call easy... Maybe that's just my way about doing things. Maybe I just take it as a challenge. I mean nothing gets me motivate other then a challenge... that or... well it wont be something I'll have for some time according to current predictions.
*sighs again* Yeah I miss cuddling and huggling. I mean I never did such things much in my life. Hell I was like a statue through the ages 14-18. Kinda unapealing if I do say so myself. I was always stern to others as I was to myself. Still stern to myself in ways. My beleifs are constantly changing... but I beleive I'm on the right path to truth. I cant just wisk out and beleive in any god. I cant be so bold as that. Though I may wish I could be. I know it's not always for the better. Honestly. I dont understand why I write in this.
Yes even this vain body called Blaze does not understand things... I rarely admit it because I always wish to understand... and my curiosity drives me to seek such things out. I always have to get my hands in every cookie jar just to make sure the chocolet in the chocolet chip cookies tastes the same.
Though it's true what they say about curiosity... it does kill... and it's not in a way you would think. Because a bit can help... alot give you to much information... killing you in embarrasment... or something far worse. I mean how would you like it if you found out you girl friend or boy friend was cheating on you. Well I tried so hard to keep my nose out of that jar and just live in the fantasy that had accompanied em in my last relationship.
Ok I'm not skilled with relationships... I actully dont wish to be in many... I have always sought out that one person I could see myself grow old with. I thought I had her... maybe I do in my future... but I was hurt by her... and can not forgive her..... Though I still love her... and cant let go of my past... she unintentionally hurts me by each memory of the person she's with she piles down on my mind. I dont mind the weight. Because that gap has to be filled with something or this song bird would cease to exsist. Whether it be hate or love or saddness or happiness. It must have something or there is no reason to continue.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so intune... that I was an more ignorant then I am now. But I like how I am in a sense. Though I am constantly alone in one way or another. Mind or heart and I may not have much to live for, severally decreasing my motivation. I feel compelled to live for something.
Well back to what I was saying... I screwed up... Yeah severally... I was trying to explain to my friend Benn what path I was taking and why... Things I wished changed and concerns of mine... He blew them off... and he has his reasons. He did not wish to see the big picture and wanted to continue to be ignorant to my ways... he had also selfish motives... though also he was entitled to them... But he still was inconsiderate and was not allowing me to explain the positive outlook of what I was trying to do.... *sighs* another case of not being understood... though in that case... I shown emotion... I mean my true emotion into the statement... everytime I have shown what I truly felt... I have always scared or repulsed people in one way or another...
well I'll end this short... I have much more I wish to say... but I know Meg doesn't like reading long things... and this may already be to long...
*Poem of the Post*
Sadness,
Unlike happiness,
Brought from Heaven,
Through Hell,
Tainted light,
Through broken glass,
Scattered about,
Throughout the lands,
Though sight,
Without sound,
May brings deafness to the world,
So closely around,
Through pain,
Within this mind,
Brings madness,
Even to my kind,
As rain drops,
Without water,
Dipping endlessly,
Upon the ground,
So that shadows of nothing,
Seek the souls,
Without homes,
Scattered far into the sands of time
Then again no one has ever understood me and those who have tried have gone insane to one extent or another. I guess I'm just a pandora's box here. Unopened and glad not to be opened. My complexity does make it quite a bit harder for me to relate to others. Also my inability to communicate with other humans doesn't help.
Yeah I guess I have to much time on my hands. My ability to focus on things it higher then norms... but also because I do have so much time just to "myself" I focus to much on other things. THUS cursed with knowledge.
I mean who can trade information if they themselve do not got equal to grater information to trade.
Yeah... blew of a half friend today. Shot him down on every idea he had. It made me feel good I was able to let some aggression out... but now I feel bad I had.
Yep the world is constantly a seesaw. In balance but always rocking back and forth. You always know to some extent where you'd end up. But you dont always know what's on the other side of the scale.
*sighs* Sometimes I yern to be understood. I dont claim to understand. Though to me... most things people call complex... I call easy... Maybe that's just my way about doing things. Maybe I just take it as a challenge. I mean nothing gets me motivate other then a challenge... that or... well it wont be something I'll have for some time according to current predictions.
*sighs again* Yeah I miss cuddling and huggling. I mean I never did such things much in my life. Hell I was like a statue through the ages 14-18. Kinda unapealing if I do say so myself. I was always stern to others as I was to myself. Still stern to myself in ways. My beleifs are constantly changing... but I beleive I'm on the right path to truth. I cant just wisk out and beleive in any god. I cant be so bold as that. Though I may wish I could be. I know it's not always for the better. Honestly. I dont understand why I write in this.
Yes even this vain body called Blaze does not understand things... I rarely admit it because I always wish to understand... and my curiosity drives me to seek such things out. I always have to get my hands in every cookie jar just to make sure the chocolet in the chocolet chip cookies tastes the same.
Though it's true what they say about curiosity... it does kill... and it's not in a way you would think. Because a bit can help... alot give you to much information... killing you in embarrasment... or something far worse. I mean how would you like it if you found out you girl friend or boy friend was cheating on you. Well I tried so hard to keep my nose out of that jar and just live in the fantasy that had accompanied em in my last relationship.
Ok I'm not skilled with relationships... I actully dont wish to be in many... I have always sought out that one person I could see myself grow old with. I thought I had her... maybe I do in my future... but I was hurt by her... and can not forgive her..... Though I still love her... and cant let go of my past... she unintentionally hurts me by each memory of the person she's with she piles down on my mind. I dont mind the weight. Because that gap has to be filled with something or this song bird would cease to exsist. Whether it be hate or love or saddness or happiness. It must have something or there is no reason to continue.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so intune... that I was an more ignorant then I am now. But I like how I am in a sense. Though I am constantly alone in one way or another. Mind or heart and I may not have much to live for, severally decreasing my motivation. I feel compelled to live for something.
Well back to what I was saying... I screwed up... Yeah severally... I was trying to explain to my friend Benn what path I was taking and why... Things I wished changed and concerns of mine... He blew them off... and he has his reasons. He did not wish to see the big picture and wanted to continue to be ignorant to my ways... he had also selfish motives... though also he was entitled to them... But he still was inconsiderate and was not allowing me to explain the positive outlook of what I was trying to do.... *sighs* another case of not being understood... though in that case... I shown emotion... I mean my true emotion into the statement... everytime I have shown what I truly felt... I have always scared or repulsed people in one way or another...
well I'll end this short... I have much more I wish to say... but I know Meg doesn't like reading long things... and this may already be to long...
*Poem of the Post*
Sadness,
Unlike happiness,
Brought from Heaven,
Through Hell,
Tainted light,
Through broken glass,
Scattered about,
Throughout the lands,
Though sight,
Without sound,
May brings deafness to the world,
So closely around,
Through pain,
Within this mind,
Brings madness,
Even to my kind,
As rain drops,
Without water,
Dipping endlessly,
Upon the ground,
So that shadows of nothing,
Seek the souls,
Without homes,
Scattered far into the sands of time