SG1 Friends just suck
> Title: Friends Just Suck
>
> Author: Chaff & Dee
>
> Feedback: cjenkai@aol.com bunsdarien@yahoo.com
>
> Rating: R
>
> Pairing: Jack/Daniel
>
> Category: Pre-slash, Angst(tad) Humor
>
Archive Permission: The AlphaGate
> Series: None
>
> Synopsis: What would YOU do for your friend?
>
> Notes: 'Un-beta'd'.. Sorry. For warned. This is more
> a
> General, but due to slashy overtones, we put it
> under
> pre-slash. Chaff recalls a conversation with her
> man,
> Garry, being asked "If I snake bit me in the ass,
> would you suck out the poison, or would you let me
> die?"
> Her answer, "Sorry, babe, but it's been real!" And
> a
> story is born.
> W
> A
> R
> N
> I
> N
> G
> S
> : Language, raunchy ass-sucking humor
>
>
> Disclaimer: We STILL don't own them! We STILL don't
> own anything of value. We are just having fun with
> them, the only legal way we can. Because restraining
> orders are a bitch!
>
> 1/1
>
>
> Friends Just Suck
>
> Chaff & Dee
>
> About to relieve Jack from his watch, Daniel
> sees the Colonel grab ahold of his stomach.
>
> Walking over to him, "Jack,.. you alright?"
>
> Trying to keep his stomach in check, Jack swears
> out, "Goddamn MRE's! I KNEW that wasn't chicken!
> Damn
> lying bastards!!"
>
> With that, he looks frantically around. His eye
> catches sight of a large bush off to the side.
>
> "Jack, should I wake Sam and..."
>
> "NO!" He tells him. "I'll be back in a minute."
>
> Ducking behind the bush, he undoes his belt. As
> he
> squats to take care of business, he feels a sharp
> pinch on an ass cheek.
>
> "Ow! FUCK!!" he yells out. He looks around and
> catches a glimpse of the source. "Oh.... Fucking
> hell!"
>
> Rubbing his hand over his wounded cheek, he's
> surprised by the sudden appearance of Daniel in
> front
> of him.
>
> "What happened?" Daniel asks, a bit of panic in
> his
> voice.
>
> Pulling his pants back up, Jack shrugs and says,
> "Oh, nothing big. Just a snakebite."
>
> "What!" Daniel, now in full panic mode, "Where?!"
>
> Jack tries to get away from Daniel's questioning
> hands, "Will you stop touching me, Daniel!"
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A sudden outburst interrupts Teal'c's
> Kel'no're-em.
>
>
> "Will you stop touching me, Daniel!"
>
> He glances over at Sam to see that she was also
> disturbed. "What the hell was that all about?" She
> whispers to Teal'c.
>
> "I am unsure, MajorCarter. Perhaps we should make
> sure all is well."
>
> They exit the tent in time to see Jack and
Daniel
> in a tug of war for Jack's pants. Daniel had Jack
> by
> the hips, trying in great desperation to pull his
> pants down.
>
> "Let me suck it! Let me suck it!"
>
> "I don't want you to suck it!" Jack yelled,
> struggling to break free of Daniel.
>
> "This would go a lot easier Jack, if you would
> just
> stop fighting me!"
>
> "I don't want you sucking my ass, Daniel!" Jack
> fell to his knees, and was scrambling away from
> Daniel
> in a commando crawl.
>
> Daniel was on him, leaning all his weight on
> Jack's
> back. The younger man's arm was wrapped around his
> waist, while nimble fingers were fast relieving him
> of
> his fatigues.
>
> At this point, a disgusted Sam mumbles, "Wish
> those
> two would get a room already!" and re-enters the
> tent.
> Teal'c raises an eyebrow at the two, "Indeed," and
> follows Sam in.
>
> The two men continue to tussle, Jack acquiring
> many
> bumps and bruises. Daniel, always having the upper
> hand, pushes Jack back in the dirt when he makes one
> last attempt to get up.
>
> Jack complains, "Special Ops training my....
> AAASSS!!!" screaming out the last part, as Daniel
> succeeds in baring a cheek and attempting to suck at
> the wound.
>
> "Oh God....DANIEL!" Jack screams again as Daniel
> continues to suck Jack's ass unmercifully.
>
> After several unsuccessful attempts at freedom,
> Jack gives up. He lifts his head up and rests it on
> a
> bruising fist.
>
> "Uh.... Daniel?" Watching the younger man start
> to
> wear down.
>
> An exhausted Daniel asks, "Jack... you okay now?"
>
> "Daniel.... It wasn't poisonous."
>
> If Jack wasn't so tired.... and pissed off, at
> having lost a fight to the Archaeologist, he would
> have laughed at the expression on his face.
>
> The next day....
>
> SG-1 sits at the briefing room table with a
> clearly confused Hammond.
>
> "Now let me get this straight, Colonel," The General
> says. He places the reports he had in his hands,
> down
> in front of him.
>
> "You were injured on a planet that showed no sign of
> Hostiles. You appear to have been attacked by
> someone.
> Now, care to enlighten me HOW exactly you received
> your injuries?"
>
> Jack glares at Daniel.
>
> Sam rolls her eyes.
>
> Teal'c says, "Someone, Indeed."
>
> They all turn to Teal'c.
>
> "Teal'c?" Hammond asks. "Do you happen to know what
>
He just lowers his head, "Fortunately, I was heavily
in Kel'no' Re-em."
Hoping for a straight answer he turns to Sam. "Major
Carter?" He says.
"Sir, I didn't see ANYTHING."
The General knows when he's getting the run around and
decides to take the horse by the reins ...or in this
case...the jackass.
After taking in a deep breath, He dismisses them all
except Jack.
They exit the briefing room.
Once outside, Sam pulls Daniel to the side. "Next
time, do you mind keeping your little escapades a bit
quieter. " Shaking her head, she mumbles "Horny little
bastard," as an afterthought walking away with Teal'c.
"Hey, I heard that!" Daniel replies. Running to catch
up with them. "Sam.. Sam..."
Back in Hammonds office...
"Now, Jack. Truth time."
"Would you believe if I said I tripped?!"
Shaking his head, "No. But, If it were Doctor Jackson,
that would be another story."
Smirking, "Ow," he cried out. His bruised jaw
bothering him.
Grabbing the paper in front, Hammond reads aloud, "Let
me see here. Non-poisonous snake-bite to the right
buttock: That would explain the rash. Minor bruises to
your chest, back, hips, and jaw.. Now, Jack. SPILL!"
Jack bows his head, clearly embarrassed. He mutters
out, "Daniel, he did this."
"Excuse ME! Doctor Jackson did that to you?"
Unbelieving that Daniel even had the ability to out
maneuver Jack.
"You're Special Ops trained. How?" Hammond asked.
"Well, apparently THAT kind of training doesn't work
with an Archaeologist-on-a-mission."
Hammond shakes his head, and with a waive of his hand,
he dismisses the Colonel.
As Jack rises from the chair, He says, "Just one
request, though."
Clearly annoyed with his Second in Command, "Yes,
COLONEL?!"
"Sir, Could you ban Daniel from the gym. He's getting
to strong for MY own good."
"Clearly."
The end.
>
> Author: Chaff & Dee
>
> Feedback: cjenkai@aol.com bunsdarien@yahoo.com
>
> Rating: R
>
> Pairing: Jack/Daniel
>
> Category: Pre-slash, Angst(tad) Humor
>
Archive Permission: The AlphaGate
> Series: None
>
> Synopsis: What would YOU do for your friend?
>
> Notes: 'Un-beta'd'.. Sorry. For warned. This is more
> a
> General, but due to slashy overtones, we put it
> under
> pre-slash. Chaff recalls a conversation with her
> man,
> Garry, being asked "If I snake bit me in the ass,
> would you suck out the poison, or would you let me
> die?"
> Her answer, "Sorry, babe, but it's been real!" And
> a
> story is born.
> W
> A
> R
> N
> I
> N
> G
> S
> : Language, raunchy ass-sucking humor
>
>
> Disclaimer: We STILL don't own them! We STILL don't
> own anything of value. We are just having fun with
> them, the only legal way we can. Because restraining
> orders are a bitch!
>
> 1/1
>
>
> Friends Just Suck
>
> Chaff & Dee
>
> About to relieve Jack from his watch, Daniel
> sees the Colonel grab ahold of his stomach.
>
> Walking over to him, "Jack,.. you alright?"
>
> Trying to keep his stomach in check, Jack swears
> out, "Goddamn MRE's! I KNEW that wasn't chicken!
> Damn
> lying bastards!!"
>
> With that, he looks frantically around. His eye
> catches sight of a large bush off to the side.
>
> "Jack, should I wake Sam and..."
>
> "NO!" He tells him. "I'll be back in a minute."
>
> Ducking behind the bush, he undoes his belt. As
> he
> squats to take care of business, he feels a sharp
> pinch on an ass cheek.
>
> "Ow! FUCK!!" he yells out. He looks around and
> catches a glimpse of the source. "Oh.... Fucking
> hell!"
>
> Rubbing his hand over his wounded cheek, he's
> surprised by the sudden appearance of Daniel in
> front
> of him.
>
> "What happened?" Daniel asks, a bit of panic in
> his
> voice.
>
> Pulling his pants back up, Jack shrugs and says,
> "Oh, nothing big. Just a snakebite."
>
> "What!" Daniel, now in full panic mode, "Where?!"
>
> Jack tries to get away from Daniel's questioning
> hands, "Will you stop touching me, Daniel!"
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A sudden outburst interrupts Teal'c's
> Kel'no're-em.
>
>
> "Will you stop touching me, Daniel!"
>
> He glances over at Sam to see that she was also
> disturbed. "What the hell was that all about?" She
> whispers to Teal'c.
>
> "I am unsure, MajorCarter. Perhaps we should make
> sure all is well."
>
> They exit the tent in time to see Jack and
Daniel
> in a tug of war for Jack's pants. Daniel had Jack
> by
> the hips, trying in great desperation to pull his
> pants down.
>
> "Let me suck it! Let me suck it!"
>
> "I don't want you to suck it!" Jack yelled,
> struggling to break free of Daniel.
>
> "This would go a lot easier Jack, if you would
> just
> stop fighting me!"
>
> "I don't want you sucking my ass, Daniel!" Jack
> fell to his knees, and was scrambling away from
> Daniel
> in a commando crawl.
>
> Daniel was on him, leaning all his weight on
> Jack's
> back. The younger man's arm was wrapped around his
> waist, while nimble fingers were fast relieving him
> of
> his fatigues.
>
> At this point, a disgusted Sam mumbles, "Wish
> those
> two would get a room already!" and re-enters the
> tent.
> Teal'c raises an eyebrow at the two, "Indeed," and
> follows Sam in.
>
> The two men continue to tussle, Jack acquiring
> many
> bumps and bruises. Daniel, always having the upper
> hand, pushes Jack back in the dirt when he makes one
> last attempt to get up.
>
> Jack complains, "Special Ops training my....
> AAASSS!!!" screaming out the last part, as Daniel
> succeeds in baring a cheek and attempting to suck at
> the wound.
>
> "Oh God....DANIEL!" Jack screams again as Daniel
> continues to suck Jack's ass unmercifully.
>
> After several unsuccessful attempts at freedom,
> Jack gives up. He lifts his head up and rests it on
> a
> bruising fist.
>
> "Uh.... Daniel?" Watching the younger man start
> to
> wear down.
>
> An exhausted Daniel asks, "Jack... you okay now?"
>
> "Daniel.... It wasn't poisonous."
>
> If Jack wasn't so tired.... and pissed off, at
> having lost a fight to the Archaeologist, he would
> have laughed at the expression on his face.
>
> The next day....
>
> SG-1 sits at the briefing room table with a
> clearly confused Hammond.
>
> "Now let me get this straight, Colonel," The General
> says. He places the reports he had in his hands,
> down
> in front of him.
>
> "You were injured on a planet that showed no sign of
> Hostiles. You appear to have been attacked by
> someone.
> Now, care to enlighten me HOW exactly you received
> your injuries?"
>
> Jack glares at Daniel.
>
> Sam rolls her eyes.
>
> Teal'c says, "Someone, Indeed."
>
> They all turn to Teal'c.
>
> "Teal'c?" Hammond asks. "Do you happen to know what
>
He just lowers his head, "Fortunately, I was heavily
in Kel'no' Re-em."
Hoping for a straight answer he turns to Sam. "Major
Carter?" He says.
"Sir, I didn't see ANYTHING."
The General knows when he's getting the run around and
decides to take the horse by the reins ...or in this
case...the jackass.
After taking in a deep breath, He dismisses them all
except Jack.
They exit the briefing room.
Once outside, Sam pulls Daniel to the side. "Next
time, do you mind keeping your little escapades a bit
quieter. " Shaking her head, she mumbles "Horny little
bastard," as an afterthought walking away with Teal'c.
"Hey, I heard that!" Daniel replies. Running to catch
up with them. "Sam.. Sam..."
Back in Hammonds office...
"Now, Jack. Truth time."
"Would you believe if I said I tripped?!"
Shaking his head, "No. But, If it were Doctor Jackson,
that would be another story."
Smirking, "Ow," he cried out. His bruised jaw
bothering him.
Grabbing the paper in front, Hammond reads aloud, "Let
me see here. Non-poisonous snake-bite to the right
buttock: That would explain the rash. Minor bruises to
your chest, back, hips, and jaw.. Now, Jack. SPILL!"
Jack bows his head, clearly embarrassed. He mutters
out, "Daniel, he did this."
"Excuse ME! Doctor Jackson did that to you?"
Unbelieving that Daniel even had the ability to out
maneuver Jack.
"You're Special Ops trained. How?" Hammond asked.
"Well, apparently THAT kind of training doesn't work
with an Archaeologist-on-a-mission."
Hammond shakes his head, and with a waive of his hand,
he dismisses the Colonel.
As Jack rises from the chair, He says, "Just one
request, though."
Clearly annoyed with his Second in Command, "Yes,
COLONEL?!"
"Sir, Could you ban Daniel from the gym. He's getting
to strong for MY own good."
"Clearly."
The end.