A Return
I've migrated back to here after deleting my facebook account. That, is probably a temporary thing. I need some time away from my internet persona. Yet I feel a strong pull to go somewhere on the internet, put myself somewhere. Is it the same thing? In writing I can express myself fully in a personal way, not through designated modes which feel strangely socially restrictive (my own perception of facebook)... so no, I'd say it isn't. And yeah, I still want to be noticed by some "audience," although the one here is pretty much nonexistent. Yeah... I like the idea of singing in empty hallways.
Christmas was an interesting day. My mom can really piss me off when she's on a crusade about something, no matter what is it. Always that self-righteously anger in any conflict she's involved in. She wants to serve justice to the sneaky tactics and wrongs of other people. Which is a big difference between us. I'm not at all comfortable judging other people... I consider that there are reasons why people do the things they do: they are not seeing things correctly but can't really help it, or there is just more to their side, and they have a different kind of perspective. So, I just avoid conflict. That is probably not a great idea... and maybe it means I'm not comfortable making a decision about what I think is right and taking a stand. Ok, that is true. I could stand to think of things a little more like my mom. I think she could stand to be a little more compassionate, and let go of a decade-long issue with my father (something having to do with a train set and $600... whatever).
Anyway, she pissed me off in the first 15 minutes of getting to Stacy's. But then, we started talking about esoteric stuff. I love talking to my mom about that kind of thing. Everything with her turns kind of esoteric. Ya know, that's what I REALLY like. I sometimes worry that when I talk about that kind of thing it would annoy people or it's stupid, but ideas about reality are what interests me more than anything. I'm conflicted on that subject because some of these ideas are not rational ("so they must be wrong!") though I do believe in the possibility of, for example, sorcerers that can literally force you to turn away by doing a dance, and seemingly teleport, and guardians that come in the form of gnats and... well, it's all in Castenada's books. I have no reason for believing other than open-mindedness coupled with a strange and strong sense for the possibility of any possibilities, an intuitive feeling I have had a few times (drugs may have been a factor). But also to take into consideration is I read a lot of weird books, and I'm my mother's daughter. And my father's; he's odd in his own way. So, I'm either crazy, or a wannabe sorceress, or something. Those possibilities aren't really distinct... uhh... hmm? wait...
On another note, I got some great effing gifts this year. Katrina gave me a funky crocheted hat, and the ridiculous CDs that Max gave me from Bookman's are actually REALLY GOOD. I mean, I'm enjoying them. The Swamp Boogie is hilarious, and I actually really like R.L. Burnside. I feel like I scored. And just so I don't look like a bitch, I hope everyone liked the gifts I gave them (or does that actually look bitchier?) But really, I put some good thought and love into picking them out. It was a good Christmas all around.
Yeah! Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. Here's to 2012!
Christmas was an interesting day. My mom can really piss me off when she's on a crusade about something, no matter what is it. Always that self-righteously anger in any conflict she's involved in. She wants to serve justice to the sneaky tactics and wrongs of other people. Which is a big difference between us. I'm not at all comfortable judging other people... I consider that there are reasons why people do the things they do: they are not seeing things correctly but can't really help it, or there is just more to their side, and they have a different kind of perspective. So, I just avoid conflict. That is probably not a great idea... and maybe it means I'm not comfortable making a decision about what I think is right and taking a stand. Ok, that is true. I could stand to think of things a little more like my mom. I think she could stand to be a little more compassionate, and let go of a decade-long issue with my father (something having to do with a train set and $600... whatever).
Anyway, she pissed me off in the first 15 minutes of getting to Stacy's. But then, we started talking about esoteric stuff. I love talking to my mom about that kind of thing. Everything with her turns kind of esoteric. Ya know, that's what I REALLY like. I sometimes worry that when I talk about that kind of thing it would annoy people or it's stupid, but ideas about reality are what interests me more than anything. I'm conflicted on that subject because some of these ideas are not rational ("so they must be wrong!") though I do believe in the possibility of, for example, sorcerers that can literally force you to turn away by doing a dance, and seemingly teleport, and guardians that come in the form of gnats and... well, it's all in Castenada's books. I have no reason for believing other than open-mindedness coupled with a strange and strong sense for the possibility of any possibilities, an intuitive feeling I have had a few times (drugs may have been a factor). But also to take into consideration is I read a lot of weird books, and I'm my mother's daughter. And my father's; he's odd in his own way. So, I'm either crazy, or a wannabe sorceress, or something. Those possibilities aren't really distinct... uhh... hmm? wait...
On another note, I got some great effing gifts this year. Katrina gave me a funky crocheted hat, and the ridiculous CDs that Max gave me from Bookman's are actually REALLY GOOD. I mean, I'm enjoying them. The Swamp Boogie is hilarious, and I actually really like R.L. Burnside. I feel like I scored. And just so I don't look like a bitch, I hope everyone liked the gifts I gave them (or does that actually look bitchier?) But really, I put some good thought and love into picking them out. It was a good Christmas all around.
Yeah! Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. Here's to 2012!