Against my better judgment...

Jun 20, 2008 00:01

Great news: I do like my job! And really, it's because of the people working there. Everyone is genuinely very cool,  open and accepting, and there's no sense of stress or pressure. So it's been really easy opening up to them and just chatting it up, because that really seems to be all there is to do. Well, we fold shirts, ring up merchandise, a little tidying up and dusting... there is not much to it. Some would call it boring. But I feel it's a nice reprieve after MacAlpine's and all the stress that it inspired.

I'm also totally changing my schedule, since someone quit today. I'll be full-time, 40 hours a week! Which is a lot, but I'm kinda excited about it. I'm kinda worried about where I'll fit in exercise since I've been doing it everyday, but I guess I'll just become a morning person and get up extra early. The money will be pretty sweet. Standing up for 8 hours will not be. Missing out on fun times with the night people will be sad.

Je regretterai le vendredi et le samedi soir. French conveys it better than any English translation could.  But it's for a silly reason, really, and one based off only two days. One of those possibilities that could mean everything, but in the end it's only possibility. And so my optimistic feeling conflicts with my realistic pessimism... but in truth, I only allow myself to fall in love with impossibilities. So I'm pretty much doomed from the beginning, right? (Jeez, how cryptic is that?  and when did I become a pessimist?)

I've realized something about myself. I'm frustratingly conceptual. I come up with abstract ideas that I love. But when it comes to following these ideas through and really making something, creating, I get scared: I give up because the task is too daunting, and I put myself down. A lot of the time, it's true that I wouldn't have the skills to create what I envision, but I tell myself I'll never have the ability, even if I tired. I'm just pointing this out to myself, because it's really holding me back. And it's going to even more unless I recognize and get over it.
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