[arashi] What Hurts the Most, pg
[title] What Hurts the Most
[fandom] Arashi
[genre] angst, one-sided
[rating] pg
[disclaimer] I’m in no way affiliated with Johnny’s & Associates, and this is purely a work of fiction.
[warning] ANGST
[author’s notes] Listened to Rascal Flatt’s What Hurts the Most a few too many times the past few days and this bunny bit down and refuses to let go. ;__; Here’s a download link for the song WMA format because I ripped it long ago, before I knew how to change anything in iTunes.
As I watched you walk down the aisle, face bright and alert, I swear my heart stopped.
When you first told us about her, we congratulated you, wished you luck in your new relationship. She was a nice girl, we all said.
I could see the fear in the other’s eyes when it came to my turn for your well wishing. Would I crack? No. I loved you too much to hurt you that way. I forced a sly smile, saying something witty. I don’t even remember now, my heart hurting too much to even think.
I took you for granted. I believed we’d always be together. There was no reason to let you know my feelings, I had thought. You knew. You always knew what I was thinking. It was our “Ohmiya SK” as you had so fondly referred to it as, our mental link. You always were a nut.
We went on like normal, cuddling on set, sleeping on the same cramped futon on tour, random touches on camera and in pictures. To the fans, we were still as close as ever.
But I knew better.
Your relationship got serious, and you announced a few months later that she was moving in.
Remember when we’d planned on buying a house together one day? A ‘bachelor’ pad as you had called it, a way to take some of the burden off our poor mothers. To me, it was going to be our home. Another dream shattered by my stubborn will.
Yet, even with the pain clenching I just smiled, congratulated you, and cried silent tears in the shower later. I would never let you see me cry.
In my heart, I believed it would be okay. The two of you would break up, you would come to me, hurt and scared, and I’d take care of you. I’d hold you while you cried until the tears wouldn’t come. You’d fall asleep in my arms and I’d whisper how much I loved you.
But that didn’t happen.
I found out from some shitty tabloid about your engagement. You told us later that day, blushing, eyes shining with joy.
Again, I put up my façade. I wasn’t an actor for nothing.
It’s been years since then, ARASHI gone, long since forgotten by the fans in favor of newer, younger Johnny’s.
You live with her in the house that was supposed to be ours. You invite “Uncle Nino” over for dinner weekly with the family. A godfather should see his godchildren as much as possible, you say. You don’t know how I cry on the nights when I leave your home, seeing you so happy and knowing I wasn’t the one that made your face crinkle in joy like that.
But I never could have given you what she has. A family. Isn’t fate cruel?
I’m the only one still alone. You ask me when am I going to find someone to love, to start a life with.
I can’t tell you what I really want to say. I can’t hurt you that way.
What hurts the most is knowing I was going to tell you that fateful day.
Ohno Satoshi, I love you.
[fandom] Arashi
[genre] angst, one-sided
[rating] pg
[disclaimer] I’m in no way affiliated with Johnny’s & Associates, and this is purely a work of fiction.
[warning] ANGST
[author’s notes] Listened to Rascal Flatt’s What Hurts the Most a few too many times the past few days and this bunny bit down and refuses to let go. ;__; Here’s a download link for the song WMA format because I ripped it long ago, before I knew how to change anything in iTunes.
As I watched you walk down the aisle, face bright and alert, I swear my heart stopped.
When you first told us about her, we congratulated you, wished you luck in your new relationship. She was a nice girl, we all said.
I could see the fear in the other’s eyes when it came to my turn for your well wishing. Would I crack? No. I loved you too much to hurt you that way. I forced a sly smile, saying something witty. I don’t even remember now, my heart hurting too much to even think.
I took you for granted. I believed we’d always be together. There was no reason to let you know my feelings, I had thought. You knew. You always knew what I was thinking. It was our “Ohmiya SK” as you had so fondly referred to it as, our mental link. You always were a nut.
We went on like normal, cuddling on set, sleeping on the same cramped futon on tour, random touches on camera and in pictures. To the fans, we were still as close as ever.
But I knew better.
Your relationship got serious, and you announced a few months later that she was moving in.
Remember when we’d planned on buying a house together one day? A ‘bachelor’ pad as you had called it, a way to take some of the burden off our poor mothers. To me, it was going to be our home. Another dream shattered by my stubborn will.
Yet, even with the pain clenching I just smiled, congratulated you, and cried silent tears in the shower later. I would never let you see me cry.
In my heart, I believed it would be okay. The two of you would break up, you would come to me, hurt and scared, and I’d take care of you. I’d hold you while you cried until the tears wouldn’t come. You’d fall asleep in my arms and I’d whisper how much I loved you.
But that didn’t happen.
I found out from some shitty tabloid about your engagement. You told us later that day, blushing, eyes shining with joy.
Again, I put up my façade. I wasn’t an actor for nothing.
It’s been years since then, ARASHI gone, long since forgotten by the fans in favor of newer, younger Johnny’s.
You live with her in the house that was supposed to be ours. You invite “Uncle Nino” over for dinner weekly with the family. A godfather should see his godchildren as much as possible, you say. You don’t know how I cry on the nights when I leave your home, seeing you so happy and knowing I wasn’t the one that made your face crinkle in joy like that.
But I never could have given you what she has. A family. Isn’t fate cruel?
I’m the only one still alone. You ask me when am I going to find someone to love, to start a life with.
I can’t tell you what I really want to say. I can’t hurt you that way.
What hurts the most is knowing I was going to tell you that fateful day.
Ohno Satoshi, I love you.