Fall out girl
Every now and then, you just need to scream into the abyss. After the roller coaster that was this past weekend, I figured it would be a good idea to lay off shit for a while. Turns out that was prolly not the best choice to make. Im not addicted in the sense that theres withdrawal or shit like that but Jesus fucking Christ I cannot fucking stand to be alone with everything in my head.
I was stuck in this crazy spiraling shit show and figured fb and all its inane, pointless drivel would be a great way to stay out of my own head. Im good at being wrong at stuff. It turned into me just desperately reaching tentacles out in the universe looking for anything to latch onto, any kind of connection to try and convince myself im not alone in this fucking dimension.
Everyone is alone tho.... Like ppl might be momentary distractions from the shit u dont wanna see when u look in the mirror, but that all fades away. Then all ur left with is the sum of your actions and all the shit you've brought down on urself thru the years. And suffice to say, ive brought more than my fair share of madness down over the years. Grim Reaper is just waiting for my karma to hit.
Up til now, I had a classroom and some kids to keep going for. My nerdy ass self was energized and starting to plan for all the revolutionary shit I was gonna drop next year. Now there is no next yr and im having a 20 minute discussion with myself every morning to justify getting out of bed. What's the goddamn point? Why not just fucking pass out and hope vultures show up to eat the flesh off my carcass instead of going thru the 100 possible scenarios and things that could go wrong from talking to another conscious entity?
Fuckkkkkk. How do normal ppl exist in such a screwed up world? Its apparently atypical to wanna lobotomize urself on a daily basis... So then how the fuck do the normies manage it? Its irresponsible to let ppl get close enough to get sucked into the gravitational pull of ur personal black hole. So I guess u go back to whatever tools and substances r necessary to stay in your solo orbit. We r all gonna burn out newayz, why not just try to ride the spiral til the crash?
Tmrw, im back at it. Keep up the facade when you have to and then make use of all available resources to push thru the rest of the hours of the day. No casualties. Make it work. Better to burn out than fade away.
I was stuck in this crazy spiraling shit show and figured fb and all its inane, pointless drivel would be a great way to stay out of my own head. Im good at being wrong at stuff. It turned into me just desperately reaching tentacles out in the universe looking for anything to latch onto, any kind of connection to try and convince myself im not alone in this fucking dimension.
Everyone is alone tho.... Like ppl might be momentary distractions from the shit u dont wanna see when u look in the mirror, but that all fades away. Then all ur left with is the sum of your actions and all the shit you've brought down on urself thru the years. And suffice to say, ive brought more than my fair share of madness down over the years. Grim Reaper is just waiting for my karma to hit.
Up til now, I had a classroom and some kids to keep going for. My nerdy ass self was energized and starting to plan for all the revolutionary shit I was gonna drop next year. Now there is no next yr and im having a 20 minute discussion with myself every morning to justify getting out of bed. What's the goddamn point? Why not just fucking pass out and hope vultures show up to eat the flesh off my carcass instead of going thru the 100 possible scenarios and things that could go wrong from talking to another conscious entity?
Fuckkkkkk. How do normal ppl exist in such a screwed up world? Its apparently atypical to wanna lobotomize urself on a daily basis... So then how the fuck do the normies manage it? Its irresponsible to let ppl get close enough to get sucked into the gravitational pull of ur personal black hole. So I guess u go back to whatever tools and substances r necessary to stay in your solo orbit. We r all gonna burn out newayz, why not just try to ride the spiral til the crash?
Tmrw, im back at it. Keep up the facade when you have to and then make use of all available resources to push thru the rest of the hours of the day. No casualties. Make it work. Better to burn out than fade away.