(no subject)
I think I might not want to be a funeral director anymore. I'm not sure. I think maybe I want to go back to school and get a B.A. and/or a Masters. I think. *sigh* All my friends are finally graduating (Go you!) and here I am thinking of jumping back in. But I"m jut not sure I'm capable of being a funeral director. And now, whenever I try to talk to someone about it, there all "oh, no, you can do it, you gotta stay, blah blah" yet, two years ago, it was "No, no, not funeral direcing! Go get a nice degree in english. or something else. that's not dead people touchings"
And I"ll admit, I really did join the program on a lark. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And at times, I genuinly love and enjoy what i do. And other times, I feel like I won't ever be even a competent funeral director. And I don't want to be that director who skates by, just barely making it and leaving a trail of destruction in my wake.
I think maybe, I tried. I really did. I tried hard. I made it through school, with decent but not quite good grades, I'm just barely making it through my residency. And Yes, the people I work for are dicks and mean and treat me like shit, but I think also I just might not measure up to the standards of this business. I'm good with people. But I suck as science, and I am definatly NOT a good embalmer. And I don't think I'll be all that good at making arrangements and stuff. I don't know if i can deal with the pressures that come with this job. I'm highstrung enough as it is, and having worked full time as a resident has made it so much worse. I think maybe, I'm just one of the people who's not quite cut out for it, despite my interest and enjoyment of parts of the profession, and maybe I"m doing that "I will now change my career midway through my life" thing that people sometimes go through, albiet 10 years early.
I think maybe, I ought to get a decent full time/really awesome part time job and go back to school and study english or literature or something, study the things i miss studying, like mythology and folklore and fairytales, and find out what i can do with the other talents and skills that i have.
I'm afraid that if I do become a funeral director, if i really really am not cut out for it in 5 or 6 years, I won't be able to leave if i want to. Right now, i'm 22, and have nothing but Funeral Director skills. Maybe I need to expand my horizons and see what else I can do.
Though, that will all make the giant anubis tattoo on my ribs a little embarrassing.
And I"ll admit, I really did join the program on a lark. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And at times, I genuinly love and enjoy what i do. And other times, I feel like I won't ever be even a competent funeral director. And I don't want to be that director who skates by, just barely making it and leaving a trail of destruction in my wake.
I think maybe, I tried. I really did. I tried hard. I made it through school, with decent but not quite good grades, I'm just barely making it through my residency. And Yes, the people I work for are dicks and mean and treat me like shit, but I think also I just might not measure up to the standards of this business. I'm good with people. But I suck as science, and I am definatly NOT a good embalmer. And I don't think I'll be all that good at making arrangements and stuff. I don't know if i can deal with the pressures that come with this job. I'm highstrung enough as it is, and having worked full time as a resident has made it so much worse. I think maybe, I'm just one of the people who's not quite cut out for it, despite my interest and enjoyment of parts of the profession, and maybe I"m doing that "I will now change my career midway through my life" thing that people sometimes go through, albiet 10 years early.
I think maybe, I ought to get a decent full time/really awesome part time job and go back to school and study english or literature or something, study the things i miss studying, like mythology and folklore and fairytales, and find out what i can do with the other talents and skills that i have.
I'm afraid that if I do become a funeral director, if i really really am not cut out for it in 5 or 6 years, I won't be able to leave if i want to. Right now, i'm 22, and have nothing but Funeral Director skills. Maybe I need to expand my horizons and see what else I can do.
Though, that will all make the giant anubis tattoo on my ribs a little embarrassing.