Humans break... Love doesn't.
Is it wrong for me to say that I really want to fall in love? yes I know I'm married and I have a husband who I should love and blah blah blah.which btw I do love with every inch of "who I am".. but who I have become for him ... not who I really am.. who knows who I really am anymore.. but there is someone still tightly held prisoner in me who is desperate to fall in love.I want that loss of breath [in a good way] the butterflies in my stomach, the day dreams and the uncontrollable giggles and smiles.
I think I've tangled myself up into this completely new person, a stranger to myself. Its like after every fight I would mold a new piece to myself, maybe this time he will love me? maybe this time he wont hurt me too bad.. but everytime the arguments came around.. a full circle of the same thing, just stronger jabs at a more and more weakening mold of sorts... and I've finally become this whole new mold of God knows what.
why do you stay with him? damn nikki quit complaining, if you don't want him then just leave him... and all the other things i've heard..I can't answer that question, you'll know it once you fall in love with someone...
I am in Love with him.. I do love him and with every inch of the woman I am..
but like I said in the beginning, I want to FALL in love.. I cant fall in love with him the way I would everyday, since once I fall I'll come crashing fast to the floor... but that love I do have for him will forever be kept safe inside a little part of my heart where God holds it for me. so even if you see me act very blunt and somewhat dry when I talk to him or about him, it's the only way that he allows me to love. If I do it any other way... my entire being will just collapse.. and I've collapsed too many times before.. I'm done doing that.
I'm not a person of hate or to just give up on anyone.. once I choose to be a part of your life wether friend or lover, I wont ever leave your side. My love will conquer all. no matter how much pain I'm going through, what matters is that I know that he feels my love. and love saves.
I will never stop believing that...
Love does NOT choose you, YOU choose Love... choose wisely.
I have been and I am and Always will be this to you [meaning anyone I choose to love: friend, family or Lover]:
When the rain Is blowing in your face
And the whole world Is on your case
I could offer you A warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows And the stars appear And there is no one there
To dry your tears, I could hold you For a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you Haven't made Your mind up yet
But I would never Do you wrong
I've known it From the moment That we met
No doubt in my mind Where you belong
I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue I'd go crawling Down the avenue
No, there's nothing That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging On the rolling sea And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing Like me yet
I could make you happy Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
If God Loves me, even when many of us push him to the side... who am I to deny that sort of love to anyone?
I didn't learn how to love through fairy tales or movies... I learned how to love Through the only man that has never failed me, though I've failed him many times.. I learned to love from God. Unconditionally.
I'll try my bestest.
Gnight guys.