Fic | We Don't Put Our Hands Over Our Mouths
Title:We Don't Put Our Hands Over Our Mouths
Author: attilatehbun
Pairing: Billy Kaplan/Teddy Altman
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~3200
Contains: Swearing in a teenage fashion, not-strictly-linear narrative
Summary: Billy has never had good impulse control. Something pops into his head and he generally just says it, or does it - joining a super-team, anyone? - before he actually thinks about whatever he's doing might mean. So far he's managed to mostly avoid making a complete idiot of himself through some crazy combination of snarkiness and luck. But this time he's not so sure.
Author's Notes: Pre-series fic. I only recently got into Young Avengers and my brain wouldn't let me write anything else unless I wrote this first. And since I want to write other things eventually, I thought it in my best interests to listen. Thanks to ozma_katiebell and butterfly_kate for advice and hand-holding, despite being unfamiliar with the source material. All mistakes are mine, not theirs. Obviously.
~*~
v.
Billy scuttles backwards across the floor. His body feels like it's on fire; nerve endings singing dissonant strains of exhilaration and terror. His brain runs in an eloquent loop of ohshitohshitohshitohshit as he pushes himself father away. His mouth only manages to stutter, "Um."
He wants to disappear - no, scratch that. That is a dangerous line of thinking given his current mental state. If by some miracle he manages to get himself under enough control that he could somehow pull it off he'd almost certainly overdo it and disappear himself entirely, bam, no more Billy Kaplan on the face of the earth, ever. And he is still clear-headed enough to realize that that would be something he would regret (ignoring for the moment that he wouldn't exist and therefore couldn't regret, not as such), even if it did save him from mortifying moments such as this one.
His back hits the opposite wall. No more room to escape. Disappearing out of the question. Shit. His mouth tries again for words but just gets more stutter.
If only Teddy would say something. But no, he's just sitting there. Normally bright eyes slightly unfocused. Fingers halfway to his lips like he didn't even know he had them before.
Teddy's eyes flick to Billy's face. The litany of ohshitohshit starts back up in Billy's head almost immediately and he tries to scrunch himself smaller and tighter against the wall, as if a smaller surface area would make Teddy's eyes skip right over him. And if Teddy couldn't see him, obviously he'd forget what just happened, right? Right.
"Um," is all he can say before his heart leaps into his throat and cuts off even that.
iii.
Billy hears a muffled thudthudthud behind him just before a sharp flick is delivered to the back of his ear. He turns his head as Teddy gracefully vaults over the back of the bench Billy has been sitting on and plops down next to him.
"You need to start answering your cell phone," Teddy says.
Billy pulls his earbuds out of his ears and holds them up by way of explanation. "Sorry, couldn't hear it," he says. "Hey, how'd you know where I was?"
Teddy looks at Billy, looks over to the remains of Avengers Mansion, then looks back to Billy sitting on the bench in front of it. "Kind of obvious, Billy."
Billy shakes his head and lets out a laugh that quickly turns to a groan when Teddy continues, "Plus I called your house."
"Oh, no," Billy says.
Teddy says, "I think your mom likes me," and Billy groans even louder and drops his face into his hands.
Teddy snorts. "What are you listening to?" he says, and with quicker reflexes than one might expect snags Billy's mp3 player out of his jacket pocket to examine the screen. "Hey, I love this song. Give me a headphone."
Billy fumbles with the earbuds, separating left from right and passing Teddy the appropriate side. Teddy pops it into his ear and settles back against the bench, eyes closed, face tilted to the sky, fingers tapping an indifferent beat on his thighs. Billy puts in the other earbud, but instead of settling back, Billy looks at Teddy, really looks at him, the kind of careful study that he only gets when Teddy is sufficiently distracted*, because otherwise, duh, he'd probably notice, and Billy's not ready to have that conversation with him. For the moment it's enough to simply share the close space of the cord.
But the song is ending, so Billy leans back and closes his eyes in a pose of careful relaxation. Teddy, when he sits up, pulls the headphones from both his and Billy's ears in one smooth gesture.
"So, since you are apparently not busy," he says as Billy wraps up the cord, "you should come over."
"That bored, huh?"
"Yeah," Teddy says. "I have movies?" He pats the satchel at his hip.
"I don't know, Teddy," Billy says, raising an eyebrow. "I know your taste in movies."
Teddy fake-punches him in the shoulder and Billy laughs. "Fine," says Teddy, "if my movies are that offensive--"
"They really are," says Billy.
"--I've also got video games. Come on."
Billy continues to feign disinterest and Teddy rolls his eyes, hauling Billy to his feet by the straps of his backpack.
"And my mom's not even home," he says, and Billy is painfully aware that Teddy has not yet released his hold on Billy's straps, "so you can swear as loudly as you want at the console every time I beat you."
"You think you can beat me?" Billy asks.
Teddy gives him a look that all but screams Are you fucking kidding?
Billy shoves him away and starts in the direction of the subway. "It's on, Altman."
ii.
Billy heaves a dramatic sigh and drops his head to his keyboard.
"Can we, you know, not, with the costumes? For like, five minutes?" he says.
Teddy looks up from Billy's floor, where he's been flipping through old photos of the Hulk and rapid-shifting his hair in an attempt to get it right. He pauses right at a particularly bad shaved-sides thing, and Billy must be making a face because Teddy quickly shifts it back to his normal shaggy blond.
"We have to deal with it sometime, you know. Unless you'd rather run around wearing your dad's rubber dish gloves and your boxers over your jeans. And I think they revoke your superhero card for that," Teddy says with a smirk.
Billy fights not to blush at Teddy talking about his boxers, and deflects with an eyeroll. "I'm just at the point where if I hear the word 'spandex' one more time I will explode. KaBOOM!" He waves his hands in the air and wiggles his fingers for the greatest possible effect.
Teddy laughs and Billy spins in his desk chair and tries to deadpan. "Seriously, Teddy, even one more time. I have a condition."
Teddy pauses, draws the word out, gives it as much weight as he can. "Spandex."
Billy clutches his chest and topples out of his chair making Ack Ack sounds. Teddy howls laughter and Billy gives in a moment later, rolling with the silliness of it, until his mom calls meaningfully up the stairs, "Billy, your door had better not be locked," and Billy flushes so hard it's almost painful.
Thankfully Teddy doesn't seem to notice anything, but he does make an effort to get himself back under control while Billy retreats to the relative safety of his chair. Finally Teddy looks up again and says, "So, what do you want to do?"
Billy turns back to his computer and bites his tongue. The first time Teddy's been in his room, and he says something like that, and Billy can just really not be held responsible for the images running through his brain. Focus, Kaplan. "Anything. As long as there is no discussion of color schemes or elastic."
Teddy chews on this for a moment, then says, "Well, what about your powers?"
Billy spins back around to face him. "What about my powers?"
Teddy just rolls his eyes at Billy's defensive expression. "I mean, look. I've seen you-- You can do the lightning thing, and the flying thing--"
"Barely, I can do the flying thing."
Teddy chooses to ignore this. "--but I know you can do more than that, so why don't you? Try some of the other things you can do?"
Billy turns the chair back to the computer, looks away. "It's called staying in character? If I'm supposed to pretending like I'm Thor or whatever, which was not my idea by the way, shouldn't I just stick with the Thor-type powers?"
Billy can hear Teddy huffing in exasperation, then his chair is suddenly rotating all on its own. Teddy has grabbed the base and spins it around so that Billy can't escape back to his screen.
"That's bullshit," Teddy says, "and you know it. The persona has nothing to do with it. So what's going on?"
"If you're trying to psychoanalyze me, Altman, have fun. I've survived sixteen years with my mom, I think I can get around you," Billy says.
But Teddy just keeps looking at him, and after a few minutes of staring contest, Billy realizes he's dangerously close to either telling Teddy or kissing Teddy, so he manages to fight off impulse for once.
"All right! Fine," he says, literally throwing his hands up in defeat. "My powers, they. They don't really work, like, all the time. More like, almost never? They aren't really reliable. At all. And I'd rather stick with what I know than have something crap out on me in a fight. I mean, can you see me saying Hold on a minute, Kang, I think I can get this 'Imprison Kang Forever' spell right if you just give me a few more minutes to concentrate? Please."
Teddy furrows his brow, stares at the floor.
Billy can't seem to stop now that he's started. "It's easier for you; you've been doing this, like, forever longer than I have, it's practically instinct for you."
Teddy looks up, nearly glowing with the strength of his idea. "What if we work on it being instinct for you?"
Billy just raises his eyebrows.
"No, I'm serious. This stuff wasn't immediate for me either. Now maybe it seems that way, but...Whatever, I bet we could make it come more naturally for you. We just need to practice."
Billy chucks a balled up t-shirt at Teddy. "Uh, 'practice' is where we just came from, doofus."
Teddy rolls his eyes and throws the shirt back at Billy, with considerably better aim. "Not with the team, doofus," he says. "No, just you and me. I even think I know something that might help."
Billy bites his lip and tries to find a reason to say no, but the idea is appealing. Scary appealing. And having powers that worked, well, that would be useful. "What's your idea?" he says warily.
Teddy's answering grin is brilliant, the kind of smile that forces Billy to smile back no matter how much he might prefer to be grumpy. "Well, my mom has these self-help books," he starts.
iv.
Video games forgotten, they wrestle over the floor, thumping to a stop in the middle of Teddy's carpet. Billy is sprawled awkwardly across Teddy's chest but still somehow pinning him. For some reason Teddy has let him win, because obviously there's no way in hell Billy and his scrawny ass can pin Teddy "Code-Named After the Freaking Hulk" Altman unless Teddy lets him.
Of course, that's hardly the thing that's in the front of Billy's brain right now, because he's lying on top of Teddy, who happens to be flushed and breathing kinda hard and staring up at Billy almost like he's forgotten what words are or how to use them.
And Billy--
Billy has never had good impulse control. Something pops into his head and he generally just says it, or does it - joining a super-team, anyone? - before he actually thinks about whatever he's doing might mean. So far he's managed to mostly avoid making a complete idiot of himself through some crazy combination of snarkiness and luck. But this time he's not so sure, because,
--Billy dips his head, and before he can stop himself, he's pressing Teddy's wrists into the carpet and opening his lips with his tongue, and oh fuck, he's kissing his best friend, probably soon-to-be former best friend, and in the second before he flings himself away he thinks, there's no way in hell this isn't going to be bad.
i.
Teddy's laugh begins in his belly and rumbles quickly up and out through every part of him.
Billy hasn't even finished his nervous sarcasm before the laughter bursts out of Teddy's mouth. If Billy is completely honest with himself, it really wasn't even all that funny of a joke - the moment was tense and needed breaking and if there's one thing Billy Kaplan can be counted on for, it's stepping up and making an ass out of himself for the benefit of others. I mean, c'mon, they're talking about putting on tights here, for godssake - but that really doesn't seem to matter right now. Teddy's laugh is spontaneous and easy and, frankly, is doing a damn sight better job at breaking the tension than Billy's weak joke.
Eli tries to look askance, but there must be something in the mixture of Billy's stunning wit and Teddy's absurd laughter that cracks him. He snorts and rolls his eyes and mostly fails to hide a smirk, and the hostility he was edging towards evaporates. Even Iron Lad - who needs to tell them his real name, like, immediately, or at least a name, because referring to him as Iron Lad all the time is beyond ridiculous - lets out a weary smile and loses the sheen of nervousness that has covered him since the first time they all met.
Billy starts to think that maybe this team thing is going to work out after all, and goes to say so, but Teddy chooses that moment to falls sideways against him, and Billy can feel that wonderful laugh humming through him. His whole body flushes and he lets out a strangled squeak that no one hears (or, at least, admits to hearing) and finds himself completely speechless.
vi.
"So," Teddy says in a voice so rough it sounds like he hasn't spoken in years. "Um. That happened."
And that's when Billy starts panicking in earnest.
"Sorry, I. No, I mean. I mean, I'm--. And you're. I mean. You're not, and shit," Billy pulls himself harder against the wall, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that, I mean, I do but, please don't--I."
"Billy."
"I mean, ha ha, I was just joking? I didn't mean it, I was just kidding and guess I shouldn't have done that and-- But yeah, that's me, always the kidder, so, you know, you don't have to hate me or anything and I should just stop talking."
"Billy."
"And oh fuck, why can't I just stop talking? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Teddy, please, I just. I sound like a lunatic but I can't, I just can't-- Shit, shit--"
"Billy!"
And that finally stops him, Teddy's Hulkling voice, and Billy fully expects that when he opens his eyes Teddy's going to be huge, and-and green, and his clothes will be in tatters, which will really not be helpful to Billy's already precarious mental state.
He opens his eyes anyway, because, well, Teddy seems pretty insistent, but Teddy looks completely normal, or at least as normal as a guy can look when his friend just spontaneously shoved his tongue down his throat and then started in on what's shaping up to be a full blown panic attack, and Billy realizes that Teddy has somehow managed to just shift his voice. If there was any part of Billy's brain that wasn't completely devoted to freaking right the hell out, or trying to fight the urge to start babbling again, he would have taken a moment to be impressed by the fact that Teddy seems to have such control over his powers that he's able to just shift his vocal chords, because damn. But Billy really doesn't have any parts to spare, so he bites his lip a little harder and just stares.
Teddy has also come dangerously close to Billy's personal space, and that's not really helpful either.
"Ok, first?" Teddy says, "You are levitating half the crap in my room, and I don't really want to spend the rest of the afternoon dismantling a magically constructed wall composed of my own dirty underpants--"
"Oh, I, uh. Sorry," Billy mumbles, scrambling to his feet and trying to concentrate on getting everything to fall back into place.
Teddy continues as if Billy hadn't moved or spoken, continues talking, continues advancing deeper into Billy's space. "--And second? Shut up."
Billy gets as far as "Wha?" before Teddy grabs Billy by the neck of his t-shirt and kisses him.
For a split second, Billy is confused, more than confused, because this is not the reaction he expected at all. Punching him? Possibly. Kicking him out and never speaking to him again? Very very likely. Kissing him? Not even a little, and yet here they are. Billy's brain sprints through all that, wins the gold and is on to the national press tour before he notices how tense Teddy is. Teddy's forearms are clenched tight, his breath coming in short, hard bursts through his nose, and Billy suddenly understands that Teddy is terrified. Terrified by what he's risking by doing this, terrified by what he would have risked by not doing this, terrified that Billy really was just joking. Billy doesn't know what to say or do, Teddy's already about a million times braver than Billy, and if he's terrified? So Billy does the only thing he can; he opens his mouth under Teddy's and grabs at Teddy's belt loops to pull him closer.
The change in Teddy is immediate. His body relaxes into Billy's, his hands soften and slide to cup the back of Billy's head while his thumbs rub a spot just behind Billy's ears. Billy takes advantage of Teddy's slight groan to lick into his mouth, and when Teddy's tongue meets his with no hesitation Billy thinks oh thank god and grips his hips even tighter.
Teddy scrapes his teeth over Billy's lower lip and pulls back just enough to mutter against his mouth, "You're making things levitate again."
"Don't care," Billy replies in kind, because his hands are stealing up underneath the back of Teddy Altman's shirt, and superpowers are pretty much the furthest possible thing from his mind right now.
Teddy laughs into Billy's mouth, they are laughing and kissing at the same time, and it's something Billy hadn't even realized was possible before but spends approximately the next ninety seconds thinking it's the sexiest thing he's ever heard of, let alone done. The moment doesn't last long though, because Teddy takes one step, then two, and they are both falling back onto Teddy's bed, all hard hips into hips and the thudding of a warm, broad chest, and Billy's hands are rucking up Teddy's shirt and feeling the slide of muscles and Teddy's shoulder blades, and, oh yeah, did he mention? Teddy's tongue is still in his mouth, so this moment right here wins the sexiest thing category hands down.
"I didn't-- I thought you--" Billy gasps out between kisses.
"No, I do. I--" Teddy tugs at Billy's shirt. "You're-- christ, Billy."
Billy slides his hands back down to Teddy's waist and tilts his hips up, just a little. Teddy breaks away and groans against Billy's neck before somehow finding the presence of mind to skim his own hand across Billy's chest, mouth a path from Billy's collarbone to his ear, and tentatively rock his hips forward, all at the same time. Billy grips Teddy's back and angles his hips again and he has never been more thankful for his complete and utter lack of impulse control than he is right now.
Not ever.
o.
"It's Teddy. Uh, Altman." He sticks out a hand accompanied by a shy half-smile that Billy is already finding way more pleasing than he's really comfortable with.
But he shakes Teddy's hand, trying to ignore the goosebumps that flare up from the contact to signal that Billy may already be done for. He rubs the back of his neck with his other hand and smiles nervously back.
"I'm Billy," he says. "Billy Kaplan."
Teddy's eyes stay on Billy's for a second, but when he speaks, he addresses the whole group. "So we're going to do this? Try for a team?"
And Billy doesn't look, he just leaps.
~*~fin~*~
(Title from the Brother Ali song "Forest Whitaker")
6.09*I commissioned this gorgeous piece of artses from the fantastically talented squeakyorm so go and give Squeak some praise for it already. I will be over here reveling in the pretteh. don't you just want to smush their noses? ♥
Author: attilatehbun
Pairing: Billy Kaplan/Teddy Altman
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~3200
Contains: Swearing in a teenage fashion, not-strictly-linear narrative
Summary: Billy has never had good impulse control. Something pops into his head and he generally just says it, or does it - joining a super-team, anyone? - before he actually thinks about whatever he's doing might mean. So far he's managed to mostly avoid making a complete idiot of himself through some crazy combination of snarkiness and luck. But this time he's not so sure.
Author's Notes: Pre-series fic. I only recently got into Young Avengers and my brain wouldn't let me write anything else unless I wrote this first. And since I want to write other things eventually, I thought it in my best interests to listen. Thanks to ozma_katiebell and butterfly_kate for advice and hand-holding, despite being unfamiliar with the source material. All mistakes are mine, not theirs. Obviously.
~*~
v.
Billy scuttles backwards across the floor. His body feels like it's on fire; nerve endings singing dissonant strains of exhilaration and terror. His brain runs in an eloquent loop of ohshitohshitohshitohshit as he pushes himself father away. His mouth only manages to stutter, "Um."
He wants to disappear - no, scratch that. That is a dangerous line of thinking given his current mental state. If by some miracle he manages to get himself under enough control that he could somehow pull it off he'd almost certainly overdo it and disappear himself entirely, bam, no more Billy Kaplan on the face of the earth, ever. And he is still clear-headed enough to realize that that would be something he would regret (ignoring for the moment that he wouldn't exist and therefore couldn't regret, not as such), even if it did save him from mortifying moments such as this one.
His back hits the opposite wall. No more room to escape. Disappearing out of the question. Shit. His mouth tries again for words but just gets more stutter.
If only Teddy would say something. But no, he's just sitting there. Normally bright eyes slightly unfocused. Fingers halfway to his lips like he didn't even know he had them before.
Teddy's eyes flick to Billy's face. The litany of ohshitohshit starts back up in Billy's head almost immediately and he tries to scrunch himself smaller and tighter against the wall, as if a smaller surface area would make Teddy's eyes skip right over him. And if Teddy couldn't see him, obviously he'd forget what just happened, right? Right.
"Um," is all he can say before his heart leaps into his throat and cuts off even that.
iii.
Billy hears a muffled thudthudthud behind him just before a sharp flick is delivered to the back of his ear. He turns his head as Teddy gracefully vaults over the back of the bench Billy has been sitting on and plops down next to him.
"You need to start answering your cell phone," Teddy says.
Billy pulls his earbuds out of his ears and holds them up by way of explanation. "Sorry, couldn't hear it," he says. "Hey, how'd you know where I was?"
Teddy looks at Billy, looks over to the remains of Avengers Mansion, then looks back to Billy sitting on the bench in front of it. "Kind of obvious, Billy."
Billy shakes his head and lets out a laugh that quickly turns to a groan when Teddy continues, "Plus I called your house."
"Oh, no," Billy says.
Teddy says, "I think your mom likes me," and Billy groans even louder and drops his face into his hands.
Teddy snorts. "What are you listening to?" he says, and with quicker reflexes than one might expect snags Billy's mp3 player out of his jacket pocket to examine the screen. "Hey, I love this song. Give me a headphone."
Billy fumbles with the earbuds, separating left from right and passing Teddy the appropriate side. Teddy pops it into his ear and settles back against the bench, eyes closed, face tilted to the sky, fingers tapping an indifferent beat on his thighs. Billy puts in the other earbud, but instead of settling back, Billy looks at Teddy, really looks at him, the kind of careful study that he only gets when Teddy is sufficiently distracted*, because otherwise, duh, he'd probably notice, and Billy's not ready to have that conversation with him. For the moment it's enough to simply share the close space of the cord.
But the song is ending, so Billy leans back and closes his eyes in a pose of careful relaxation. Teddy, when he sits up, pulls the headphones from both his and Billy's ears in one smooth gesture.
"So, since you are apparently not busy," he says as Billy wraps up the cord, "you should come over."
"That bored, huh?"
"Yeah," Teddy says. "I have movies?" He pats the satchel at his hip.
"I don't know, Teddy," Billy says, raising an eyebrow. "I know your taste in movies."
Teddy fake-punches him in the shoulder and Billy laughs. "Fine," says Teddy, "if my movies are that offensive--"
"They really are," says Billy.
"--I've also got video games. Come on."
Billy continues to feign disinterest and Teddy rolls his eyes, hauling Billy to his feet by the straps of his backpack.
"And my mom's not even home," he says, and Billy is painfully aware that Teddy has not yet released his hold on Billy's straps, "so you can swear as loudly as you want at the console every time I beat you."
"You think you can beat me?" Billy asks.
Teddy gives him a look that all but screams Are you fucking kidding?
Billy shoves him away and starts in the direction of the subway. "It's on, Altman."
ii.
Billy heaves a dramatic sigh and drops his head to his keyboard.
"Can we, you know, not, with the costumes? For like, five minutes?" he says.
Teddy looks up from Billy's floor, where he's been flipping through old photos of the Hulk and rapid-shifting his hair in an attempt to get it right. He pauses right at a particularly bad shaved-sides thing, and Billy must be making a face because Teddy quickly shifts it back to his normal shaggy blond.
"We have to deal with it sometime, you know. Unless you'd rather run around wearing your dad's rubber dish gloves and your boxers over your jeans. And I think they revoke your superhero card for that," Teddy says with a smirk.
Billy fights not to blush at Teddy talking about his boxers, and deflects with an eyeroll. "I'm just at the point where if I hear the word 'spandex' one more time I will explode. KaBOOM!" He waves his hands in the air and wiggles his fingers for the greatest possible effect.
Teddy laughs and Billy spins in his desk chair and tries to deadpan. "Seriously, Teddy, even one more time. I have a condition."
Teddy pauses, draws the word out, gives it as much weight as he can. "Spandex."
Billy clutches his chest and topples out of his chair making Ack Ack sounds. Teddy howls laughter and Billy gives in a moment later, rolling with the silliness of it, until his mom calls meaningfully up the stairs, "Billy, your door had better not be locked," and Billy flushes so hard it's almost painful.
Thankfully Teddy doesn't seem to notice anything, but he does make an effort to get himself back under control while Billy retreats to the relative safety of his chair. Finally Teddy looks up again and says, "So, what do you want to do?"
Billy turns back to his computer and bites his tongue. The first time Teddy's been in his room, and he says something like that, and Billy can just really not be held responsible for the images running through his brain. Focus, Kaplan. "Anything. As long as there is no discussion of color schemes or elastic."
Teddy chews on this for a moment, then says, "Well, what about your powers?"
Billy spins back around to face him. "What about my powers?"
Teddy just rolls his eyes at Billy's defensive expression. "I mean, look. I've seen you-- You can do the lightning thing, and the flying thing--"
"Barely, I can do the flying thing."
Teddy chooses to ignore this. "--but I know you can do more than that, so why don't you? Try some of the other things you can do?"
Billy turns the chair back to the computer, looks away. "It's called staying in character? If I'm supposed to pretending like I'm Thor or whatever, which was not my idea by the way, shouldn't I just stick with the Thor-type powers?"
Billy can hear Teddy huffing in exasperation, then his chair is suddenly rotating all on its own. Teddy has grabbed the base and spins it around so that Billy can't escape back to his screen.
"That's bullshit," Teddy says, "and you know it. The persona has nothing to do with it. So what's going on?"
"If you're trying to psychoanalyze me, Altman, have fun. I've survived sixteen years with my mom, I think I can get around you," Billy says.
But Teddy just keeps looking at him, and after a few minutes of staring contest, Billy realizes he's dangerously close to either telling Teddy or kissing Teddy, so he manages to fight off impulse for once.
"All right! Fine," he says, literally throwing his hands up in defeat. "My powers, they. They don't really work, like, all the time. More like, almost never? They aren't really reliable. At all. And I'd rather stick with what I know than have something crap out on me in a fight. I mean, can you see me saying Hold on a minute, Kang, I think I can get this 'Imprison Kang Forever' spell right if you just give me a few more minutes to concentrate? Please."
Teddy furrows his brow, stares at the floor.
Billy can't seem to stop now that he's started. "It's easier for you; you've been doing this, like, forever longer than I have, it's practically instinct for you."
Teddy looks up, nearly glowing with the strength of his idea. "What if we work on it being instinct for you?"
Billy just raises his eyebrows.
"No, I'm serious. This stuff wasn't immediate for me either. Now maybe it seems that way, but...Whatever, I bet we could make it come more naturally for you. We just need to practice."
Billy chucks a balled up t-shirt at Teddy. "Uh, 'practice' is where we just came from, doofus."
Teddy rolls his eyes and throws the shirt back at Billy, with considerably better aim. "Not with the team, doofus," he says. "No, just you and me. I even think I know something that might help."
Billy bites his lip and tries to find a reason to say no, but the idea is appealing. Scary appealing. And having powers that worked, well, that would be useful. "What's your idea?" he says warily.
Teddy's answering grin is brilliant, the kind of smile that forces Billy to smile back no matter how much he might prefer to be grumpy. "Well, my mom has these self-help books," he starts.
iv.
Video games forgotten, they wrestle over the floor, thumping to a stop in the middle of Teddy's carpet. Billy is sprawled awkwardly across Teddy's chest but still somehow pinning him. For some reason Teddy has let him win, because obviously there's no way in hell Billy and his scrawny ass can pin Teddy "Code-Named After the Freaking Hulk" Altman unless Teddy lets him.
Of course, that's hardly the thing that's in the front of Billy's brain right now, because he's lying on top of Teddy, who happens to be flushed and breathing kinda hard and staring up at Billy almost like he's forgotten what words are or how to use them.
And Billy--
Billy has never had good impulse control. Something pops into his head and he generally just says it, or does it - joining a super-team, anyone? - before he actually thinks about whatever he's doing might mean. So far he's managed to mostly avoid making a complete idiot of himself through some crazy combination of snarkiness and luck. But this time he's not so sure, because,
--Billy dips his head, and before he can stop himself, he's pressing Teddy's wrists into the carpet and opening his lips with his tongue, and oh fuck, he's kissing his best friend, probably soon-to-be former best friend, and in the second before he flings himself away he thinks, there's no way in hell this isn't going to be bad.
i.
Teddy's laugh begins in his belly and rumbles quickly up and out through every part of him.
Billy hasn't even finished his nervous sarcasm before the laughter bursts out of Teddy's mouth. If Billy is completely honest with himself, it really wasn't even all that funny of a joke - the moment was tense and needed breaking and if there's one thing Billy Kaplan can be counted on for, it's stepping up and making an ass out of himself for the benefit of others. I mean, c'mon, they're talking about putting on tights here, for godssake - but that really doesn't seem to matter right now. Teddy's laugh is spontaneous and easy and, frankly, is doing a damn sight better job at breaking the tension than Billy's weak joke.
Eli tries to look askance, but there must be something in the mixture of Billy's stunning wit and Teddy's absurd laughter that cracks him. He snorts and rolls his eyes and mostly fails to hide a smirk, and the hostility he was edging towards evaporates. Even Iron Lad - who needs to tell them his real name, like, immediately, or at least a name, because referring to him as Iron Lad all the time is beyond ridiculous - lets out a weary smile and loses the sheen of nervousness that has covered him since the first time they all met.
Billy starts to think that maybe this team thing is going to work out after all, and goes to say so, but Teddy chooses that moment to falls sideways against him, and Billy can feel that wonderful laugh humming through him. His whole body flushes and he lets out a strangled squeak that no one hears (or, at least, admits to hearing) and finds himself completely speechless.
vi.
"So," Teddy says in a voice so rough it sounds like he hasn't spoken in years. "Um. That happened."
And that's when Billy starts panicking in earnest.
"Sorry, I. No, I mean. I mean, I'm--. And you're. I mean. You're not, and shit," Billy pulls himself harder against the wall, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that, I mean, I do but, please don't--I."
"Billy."
"I mean, ha ha, I was just joking? I didn't mean it, I was just kidding and guess I shouldn't have done that and-- But yeah, that's me, always the kidder, so, you know, you don't have to hate me or anything and I should just stop talking."
"Billy."
"And oh fuck, why can't I just stop talking? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Teddy, please, I just. I sound like a lunatic but I can't, I just can't-- Shit, shit--"
"Billy!"
And that finally stops him, Teddy's Hulkling voice, and Billy fully expects that when he opens his eyes Teddy's going to be huge, and-and green, and his clothes will be in tatters, which will really not be helpful to Billy's already precarious mental state.
He opens his eyes anyway, because, well, Teddy seems pretty insistent, but Teddy looks completely normal, or at least as normal as a guy can look when his friend just spontaneously shoved his tongue down his throat and then started in on what's shaping up to be a full blown panic attack, and Billy realizes that Teddy has somehow managed to just shift his voice. If there was any part of Billy's brain that wasn't completely devoted to freaking right the hell out, or trying to fight the urge to start babbling again, he would have taken a moment to be impressed by the fact that Teddy seems to have such control over his powers that he's able to just shift his vocal chords, because damn. But Billy really doesn't have any parts to spare, so he bites his lip a little harder and just stares.
Teddy has also come dangerously close to Billy's personal space, and that's not really helpful either.
"Ok, first?" Teddy says, "You are levitating half the crap in my room, and I don't really want to spend the rest of the afternoon dismantling a magically constructed wall composed of my own dirty underpants--"
"Oh, I, uh. Sorry," Billy mumbles, scrambling to his feet and trying to concentrate on getting everything to fall back into place.
Teddy continues as if Billy hadn't moved or spoken, continues talking, continues advancing deeper into Billy's space. "--And second? Shut up."
Billy gets as far as "Wha?" before Teddy grabs Billy by the neck of his t-shirt and kisses him.
For a split second, Billy is confused, more than confused, because this is not the reaction he expected at all. Punching him? Possibly. Kicking him out and never speaking to him again? Very very likely. Kissing him? Not even a little, and yet here they are. Billy's brain sprints through all that, wins the gold and is on to the national press tour before he notices how tense Teddy is. Teddy's forearms are clenched tight, his breath coming in short, hard bursts through his nose, and Billy suddenly understands that Teddy is terrified. Terrified by what he's risking by doing this, terrified by what he would have risked by not doing this, terrified that Billy really was just joking. Billy doesn't know what to say or do, Teddy's already about a million times braver than Billy, and if he's terrified? So Billy does the only thing he can; he opens his mouth under Teddy's and grabs at Teddy's belt loops to pull him closer.
The change in Teddy is immediate. His body relaxes into Billy's, his hands soften and slide to cup the back of Billy's head while his thumbs rub a spot just behind Billy's ears. Billy takes advantage of Teddy's slight groan to lick into his mouth, and when Teddy's tongue meets his with no hesitation Billy thinks oh thank god and grips his hips even tighter.
Teddy scrapes his teeth over Billy's lower lip and pulls back just enough to mutter against his mouth, "You're making things levitate again."
"Don't care," Billy replies in kind, because his hands are stealing up underneath the back of Teddy Altman's shirt, and superpowers are pretty much the furthest possible thing from his mind right now.
Teddy laughs into Billy's mouth, they are laughing and kissing at the same time, and it's something Billy hadn't even realized was possible before but spends approximately the next ninety seconds thinking it's the sexiest thing he's ever heard of, let alone done. The moment doesn't last long though, because Teddy takes one step, then two, and they are both falling back onto Teddy's bed, all hard hips into hips and the thudding of a warm, broad chest, and Billy's hands are rucking up Teddy's shirt and feeling the slide of muscles and Teddy's shoulder blades, and, oh yeah, did he mention? Teddy's tongue is still in his mouth, so this moment right here wins the sexiest thing category hands down.
"I didn't-- I thought you--" Billy gasps out between kisses.
"No, I do. I--" Teddy tugs at Billy's shirt. "You're-- christ, Billy."
Billy slides his hands back down to Teddy's waist and tilts his hips up, just a little. Teddy breaks away and groans against Billy's neck before somehow finding the presence of mind to skim his own hand across Billy's chest, mouth a path from Billy's collarbone to his ear, and tentatively rock his hips forward, all at the same time. Billy grips Teddy's back and angles his hips again and he has never been more thankful for his complete and utter lack of impulse control than he is right now.
Not ever.
o.
"It's Teddy. Uh, Altman." He sticks out a hand accompanied by a shy half-smile that Billy is already finding way more pleasing than he's really comfortable with.
But he shakes Teddy's hand, trying to ignore the goosebumps that flare up from the contact to signal that Billy may already be done for. He rubs the back of his neck with his other hand and smiles nervously back.
"I'm Billy," he says. "Billy Kaplan."
Teddy's eyes stay on Billy's for a second, but when he speaks, he addresses the whole group. "So we're going to do this? Try for a team?"
And Billy doesn't look, he just leaps.
~*~fin~*~
(Title from the Brother Ali song "Forest Whitaker")
6.09*I commissioned this gorgeous piece of artses from the fantastically talented squeakyorm so go and give Squeak some praise for it already. I will be over here reveling in the pretteh. don't you just want to smush their noses? ♥