Who da man?
Lilith the Christian wrote:
I have accepted Jesus into my heart have you?
I think knowing Jesus while he was alive might have been interesting, he was undoubtedly a cool guy, and I would have hung out with him if I had the chance. Hell, I might even buy the idea of Jesus being God's son or the Savior. Hell, I might even believe in God someday.
But I don't believe in YOUR God. If I were to have a conversation with MY God, this is how it would go.
Me: Hey God, what's up?
God: Ah, nothin, just chillen. A lot of people are being absolute doting retards when I'm around and are going to excessive lengths to defend me. I wish they'd just fucking relax.
Me: Yeah, I hear you, God. But people are absolute retards a lot of the time. It's nothing new. I'm sure you're aware of it. It's really a nice day, good job on that sunset last week.
God: Ah, it ain't no thang. I've had 15 Billion years to work on it, I'd hope I'd have gotten it by now.
Me: Heh, point taken, take it easy.
A conversation with YOUR God.
Me: Hey God, how's it goin?
God: ....Well?
Me: Well what?
God: You didn't notice anything?
Me: ....no?
God: YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THE FUCKING DAYLIGHT?! THE GRASS?! THE TEMPRATURE?! YOU REALIZE YOU'RE STILL BREATHING RIGHT?!
Me: Yeah, but that always happens. Forgive me for not sucking your cock every time you don't screw up.
God: Do you know how much you fucking owe to me?! Your unworthy ass is only there because I see fit!
Me: Yeah, I kinda got that message when I was four.
God: *Bitchsmack* Now tell me WHO DA FUCKIN MAN?!
Me: Are you fucking serious? You got a billion people constantly kissing your ass, now you need me to make a speacial trip to thank you tha the fucking sun didn't explode?
God: *Double bitch-smack* NOW WHO DA FUCKING MAN?! YOU WANT A FRESH ONE?!
Me: Go fuck yourself, you pretentious prick.
See? I don't NEED to thank God every single day that I didn't wake up with my index finger sticking out of my elbow. God's cool with it. We tight.
My God is a man. Like a man, he doesn't need to be complimented every time something happens. A man pays a bill, no one thanks him, it's just understood that they are greatful, much like when you come home and your family hasn't died in an electrical fire at home, you are greatful. You don't say it, but God knows.
Your God is a woman. A woman tweezes an extra hair out of her eyebrow and you're expected to notice and tell her how much better and younger she looks. She cooks dinner and it's the most fabulous meal you ever ate. Your God has begrudgingly allowed me to take another step because she's so goddamned nice she'll let me slide, but get back at me later in some passive-aggressive way. Your God needs to be assured everyone on Earth loves her to death and will always love her no matter what, if not, they get put in the doghouse, or hell.
Now which God is your God?
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At first, it started as a little joke post. Then, after a while it turned out it was a pretty good question. It seems many fundies and excessive concervatives (I know there are Christians and Concervatives who can be cool, so don't get too pissed,) who seem to be worshiping that second God, treating it as an obligatory love, as opposed to the first God, my God, for whom there is an unspoken respect and some degree of admiration. If you have a different perspective of God, please, let me see what kind of conversation you would have with your God.
Now if you look past the joking sexist aspect of the comparison, it's an interesting question. I'm curious how you feel about this.
I have accepted Jesus into my heart have you?
I think knowing Jesus while he was alive might have been interesting, he was undoubtedly a cool guy, and I would have hung out with him if I had the chance. Hell, I might even buy the idea of Jesus being God's son or the Savior. Hell, I might even believe in God someday.
But I don't believe in YOUR God. If I were to have a conversation with MY God, this is how it would go.
Me: Hey God, what's up?
God: Ah, nothin, just chillen. A lot of people are being absolute doting retards when I'm around and are going to excessive lengths to defend me. I wish they'd just fucking relax.
Me: Yeah, I hear you, God. But people are absolute retards a lot of the time. It's nothing new. I'm sure you're aware of it. It's really a nice day, good job on that sunset last week.
God: Ah, it ain't no thang. I've had 15 Billion years to work on it, I'd hope I'd have gotten it by now.
Me: Heh, point taken, take it easy.
A conversation with YOUR God.
Me: Hey God, how's it goin?
God: ....Well?
Me: Well what?
God: You didn't notice anything?
Me: ....no?
God: YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THE FUCKING DAYLIGHT?! THE GRASS?! THE TEMPRATURE?! YOU REALIZE YOU'RE STILL BREATHING RIGHT?!
Me: Yeah, but that always happens. Forgive me for not sucking your cock every time you don't screw up.
God: Do you know how much you fucking owe to me?! Your unworthy ass is only there because I see fit!
Me: Yeah, I kinda got that message when I was four.
God: *Bitchsmack* Now tell me WHO DA FUCKIN MAN?!
Me: Are you fucking serious? You got a billion people constantly kissing your ass, now you need me to make a speacial trip to thank you tha the fucking sun didn't explode?
God: *Double bitch-smack* NOW WHO DA FUCKING MAN?! YOU WANT A FRESH ONE?!
Me: Go fuck yourself, you pretentious prick.
See? I don't NEED to thank God every single day that I didn't wake up with my index finger sticking out of my elbow. God's cool with it. We tight.
My God is a man. Like a man, he doesn't need to be complimented every time something happens. A man pays a bill, no one thanks him, it's just understood that they are greatful, much like when you come home and your family hasn't died in an electrical fire at home, you are greatful. You don't say it, but God knows.
Your God is a woman. A woman tweezes an extra hair out of her eyebrow and you're expected to notice and tell her how much better and younger she looks. She cooks dinner and it's the most fabulous meal you ever ate. Your God has begrudgingly allowed me to take another step because she's so goddamned nice she'll let me slide, but get back at me later in some passive-aggressive way. Your God needs to be assured everyone on Earth loves her to death and will always love her no matter what, if not, they get put in the doghouse, or hell.
Now which God is your God?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At first, it started as a little joke post. Then, after a while it turned out it was a pretty good question. It seems many fundies and excessive concervatives (I know there are Christians and Concervatives who can be cool, so don't get too pissed,) who seem to be worshiping that second God, treating it as an obligatory love, as opposed to the first God, my God, for whom there is an unspoken respect and some degree of admiration. If you have a different perspective of God, please, let me see what kind of conversation you would have with your God.
Now if you look past the joking sexist aspect of the comparison, it's an interesting question. I'm curious how you feel about this.