Weird introspective mumblings
Well it has been months and months since I have written anything in my journal. I was/am intimidated by having family members read my life and interpret the dealings that go on within it. Some things I just dont care for my family to know about, but I really have nothing to hide. I am happy with my life, my decisions, and my relationship, and I enjoy spreading that happiness around. Everyone should be as lucky as I. Ugh thats awful isn't it. I will try to not be so smug in the future.
I just read and commented on all of Rooks writings to date, and assume he will begin to do the same for me. It is funny, there is nothing that we write in here we have not told each other 1000 times already, which makes this a unique forum. We know what the other thinks and have been together so long that alot is taken for granted and the words we say are not really absorbed, but instead put into a kinda buffer that filters out all but the assumed meaning behind the words. We have different buffers for different thing, and create new ones all the time, like I now have a very strong "rook" buffer and a newly created "work" buffer. My rook buffer kicks in when he talks angry about his day, and keeps me from hearing all the words, especially the ones I dont like to hear (kill, die, hate, take an axe) and translates them into digestible emotions (I am angry so hold me, I am angry so give me some room to breath). So I do what I think is best for the situation with out really hearing what it is that he is trying to tell me.
What is more important, the words we say or the emotions that our buffers attach to them? I think that they are both important, and nearly inseparable. I will try to read his words in a manner different than I hear them and hope he can do the same for me. Maybe, this way, I can have a better relationship with rook/work/life instead of having a relationship with my buffers.
I just read and commented on all of Rooks writings to date, and assume he will begin to do the same for me. It is funny, there is nothing that we write in here we have not told each other 1000 times already, which makes this a unique forum. We know what the other thinks and have been together so long that alot is taken for granted and the words we say are not really absorbed, but instead put into a kinda buffer that filters out all but the assumed meaning behind the words. We have different buffers for different thing, and create new ones all the time, like I now have a very strong "rook" buffer and a newly created "work" buffer. My rook buffer kicks in when he talks angry about his day, and keeps me from hearing all the words, especially the ones I dont like to hear (kill, die, hate, take an axe) and translates them into digestible emotions (I am angry so hold me, I am angry so give me some room to breath). So I do what I think is best for the situation with out really hearing what it is that he is trying to tell me.
What is more important, the words we say or the emotions that our buffers attach to them? I think that they are both important, and nearly inseparable. I will try to read his words in a manner different than I hear them and hope he can do the same for me. Maybe, this way, I can have a better relationship with rook/work/life instead of having a relationship with my buffers.