(oneshot) hate me for what I am, don't love me for who I'm not
Title: hate me for what I am, don’t love me for who I’m not
Author: quinnsan
Group(s): Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: HanChul
Genre: Dark/Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He was bright and open, always showing his annoyance or anger no matter what the situation. I thought I knew him, but as I would find out I was very wrong.
Beta’d By: self-beta’d
A.N.: I don’t own any of these boys, although I know we’d all like to.
X-Posted to: miracle______
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He was all smiles on the day I met him, it was a cloudy day, looked like it was going to rain any second. I bumped into him on the sidewalk as I left the clothing store, having successfully purchased a birthday gift for my friend Zhou Mi.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t…”
“Yah! Don’t apologize, you didn’t see me coming. Come on lets go have some coffee.”
That’s how it all started, he dragged me into the nearest coffee shop and we ended up talking for hours, he asked me why I was in Korea, I asked him why he was dressed like a woman.
“I am not dressed like a woman.” He said with a laugh, smacking me on the head and he explained that he was shooting a commercial and he had snuck off the set so he could get some decent coffee instead of the instant crap they served on the set.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back then? I don’t want to get you into trouble.”
“Don’t worry Hannie, they haven’t noticed I’m gone yet. I told them I was taking a nap in my dressing room and that they had better not disturb me for a while.”
“Hannie?” I thought, wondering why he was already giving me a nickname when we hadn’t even known each other for less than an hour.
“KIM HEECHUL!”
“Shit. Busted. That would be my manager and friend Choi Siwon.” Heechul said, gesturing to the rather angry looking man that had just stormed in.
“What. Are you doing?”
“Having coffee with my new friend.”
“I’ll deal with you later. I’m Choi Siwon, Heechul’s manager. I’m so sorry he disturbed you.” The man named Choi Siwon gave Heechul a very pointed look before turning to me.
“I did not disturb him!” Hankyung didn’t point out that Heechul did in fact, pull him into a coffee shop against his will.
“It’s fine, he wasn’t disturbing me at all.”
“See he said I wasn’t disturbing him.”
“Well I’m going to be disturbing you in about 5 seconds if you don’t get out of that chair and get back to the set. The director is furious, he says if you pull a stunt like this again he’ll never work with you again.”
“Big deal, that guy is the biggest asshole in the world. I’d be happy to never have to work with him again.”
“Like I said, I’ll deal with you later. Now let’s go.” Without waiting for a reply Siwon pulled Heechul from the chair, dragging the latter out of the coffee shop.
I thought that I would never hear from or see him again, but I was wrong, oh so very wrong. After that fateful first meeting I heard from him that sametime, he called my cellphone (I’m still not sure how he got my number because whenever I asked he just smiled knowingly) and demanded I give him my address.
I did, I shouldn’t have, but I did. An hour later he was on my doorstep, it was three in the morning and he had a bottle of soju in one hand and takeout in the other. “I am starving, I brought takeout but next time you’re cooking.”
“I can make Beijing fried rice for you, you’ll love it.”
“I’ve got photo shoots for the next week straight, but after that I’ll come over and you can make it ok Hannie?”
“Whatever you say Heechul, whatever you say.”
It went on for months, he’d come over, bring a bottle or two of soju and occasionally takeout, we’d drink and eat, watch a movie or stay up all night talking about nothing and everything.
On one such night he kissed me, and that was the day my world began tumbling down. Even before that kiss I started to have feelings for him, ones that I felt were more than just friendship but I denied it, but that searing, drunken kiss my feelings for him made my heart explode.
I knew then, that I was doomed but yet I chose the path of loving him anyways, loving the man I thought was so bright, open, and showed his annoyance and anger no matter what,
Then all of a sudden the calls, the visits, they stopped. I called him repeatedly but I always got his voicemail. I had no idea what company he worked for, I only knew the name of his manager, Choi Siwon.
Late one night, as I was in a convience store on my way home from teaching a classical ballet class at my dance studio, Choi Siwon walked into the store.
“Hankyung. I’m glad I ran into you, I was actually on my way to see you.”
“Siwon…nice to see you. It’s been a while, not since I first met Heechul.”
“I’m actually here to talk to you about him..”
My phone rang, it was Heechul. He was demanding to know where I was, he was at my door, he had soju and takeout. I left without another word to Siwon, I never would find out what he was going to tell me.
When I saw Heechul he was skinner, much skinner than he had been, his eyes looked sunken in, the dark circles the most prominent feature on his face. The brightness in his eyes was there, but it was fake.
“Heechul..”
“I came here to tell you that after tonight you will never see me again. I’m not the bright, happy person you think I am. I know..”
“Do you think you can just mess with my feelings? That I’m some toy?”
“Hankyung listen to me, please. Hate me for what I am, don’t love me for who I’m not.”
“It’s too late for that isn’t it.” I laughed, it was bitter. He had been toying with me, the entire time. I went inside, slammed my door and bolted it, sliding down against it until I was on the floor.
I don’t know how long Heechul stood out there before his footsteps echoed down the hall, I didn’t care.
“Hate me for what I am, don’t love me for who I’m not…”
“I can’t hate you, no matter how hard I try. I still love you, even if the you who I love isn’t who you really are.”
END
Author: quinnsan
Group(s): Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: HanChul
Genre: Dark/Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He was bright and open, always showing his annoyance or anger no matter what the situation. I thought I knew him, but as I would find out I was very wrong.
Beta’d By: self-beta’d
A.N.: I don’t own any of these boys, although I know we’d all like to.
X-Posted to: miracle______
---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----
He was all smiles on the day I met him, it was a cloudy day, looked like it was going to rain any second. I bumped into him on the sidewalk as I left the clothing store, having successfully purchased a birthday gift for my friend Zhou Mi.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t…”
“Yah! Don’t apologize, you didn’t see me coming. Come on lets go have some coffee.”
That’s how it all started, he dragged me into the nearest coffee shop and we ended up talking for hours, he asked me why I was in Korea, I asked him why he was dressed like a woman.
“I am not dressed like a woman.” He said with a laugh, smacking me on the head and he explained that he was shooting a commercial and he had snuck off the set so he could get some decent coffee instead of the instant crap they served on the set.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back then? I don’t want to get you into trouble.”
“Don’t worry Hannie, they haven’t noticed I’m gone yet. I told them I was taking a nap in my dressing room and that they had better not disturb me for a while.”
“Hannie?” I thought, wondering why he was already giving me a nickname when we hadn’t even known each other for less than an hour.
“KIM HEECHUL!”
“Shit. Busted. That would be my manager and friend Choi Siwon.” Heechul said, gesturing to the rather angry looking man that had just stormed in.
“What. Are you doing?”
“Having coffee with my new friend.”
“I’ll deal with you later. I’m Choi Siwon, Heechul’s manager. I’m so sorry he disturbed you.” The man named Choi Siwon gave Heechul a very pointed look before turning to me.
“I did not disturb him!” Hankyung didn’t point out that Heechul did in fact, pull him into a coffee shop against his will.
“It’s fine, he wasn’t disturbing me at all.”
“See he said I wasn’t disturbing him.”
“Well I’m going to be disturbing you in about 5 seconds if you don’t get out of that chair and get back to the set. The director is furious, he says if you pull a stunt like this again he’ll never work with you again.”
“Big deal, that guy is the biggest asshole in the world. I’d be happy to never have to work with him again.”
“Like I said, I’ll deal with you later. Now let’s go.” Without waiting for a reply Siwon pulled Heechul from the chair, dragging the latter out of the coffee shop.
I thought that I would never hear from or see him again, but I was wrong, oh so very wrong. After that fateful first meeting I heard from him that sametime, he called my cellphone (I’m still not sure how he got my number because whenever I asked he just smiled knowingly) and demanded I give him my address.
I did, I shouldn’t have, but I did. An hour later he was on my doorstep, it was three in the morning and he had a bottle of soju in one hand and takeout in the other. “I am starving, I brought takeout but next time you’re cooking.”
“I can make Beijing fried rice for you, you’ll love it.”
“I’ve got photo shoots for the next week straight, but after that I’ll come over and you can make it ok Hannie?”
“Whatever you say Heechul, whatever you say.”
It went on for months, he’d come over, bring a bottle or two of soju and occasionally takeout, we’d drink and eat, watch a movie or stay up all night talking about nothing and everything.
On one such night he kissed me, and that was the day my world began tumbling down. Even before that kiss I started to have feelings for him, ones that I felt were more than just friendship but I denied it, but that searing, drunken kiss my feelings for him made my heart explode.
I knew then, that I was doomed but yet I chose the path of loving him anyways, loving the man I thought was so bright, open, and showed his annoyance and anger no matter what,
Then all of a sudden the calls, the visits, they stopped. I called him repeatedly but I always got his voicemail. I had no idea what company he worked for, I only knew the name of his manager, Choi Siwon.
Late one night, as I was in a convience store on my way home from teaching a classical ballet class at my dance studio, Choi Siwon walked into the store.
“Hankyung. I’m glad I ran into you, I was actually on my way to see you.”
“Siwon…nice to see you. It’s been a while, not since I first met Heechul.”
“I’m actually here to talk to you about him..”
My phone rang, it was Heechul. He was demanding to know where I was, he was at my door, he had soju and takeout. I left without another word to Siwon, I never would find out what he was going to tell me.
When I saw Heechul he was skinner, much skinner than he had been, his eyes looked sunken in, the dark circles the most prominent feature on his face. The brightness in his eyes was there, but it was fake.
“Heechul..”
“I came here to tell you that after tonight you will never see me again. I’m not the bright, happy person you think I am. I know..”
“Do you think you can just mess with my feelings? That I’m some toy?”
“Hankyung listen to me, please. Hate me for what I am, don’t love me for who I’m not.”
“It’s too late for that isn’t it.” I laughed, it was bitter. He had been toying with me, the entire time. I went inside, slammed my door and bolted it, sliding down against it until I was on the floor.
I don’t know how long Heechul stood out there before his footsteps echoed down the hall, I didn’t care.
“Hate me for what I am, don’t love me for who I’m not…”
“I can’t hate you, no matter how hard I try. I still love you, even if the you who I love isn’t who you really are.”
END