Avoiding sleep like the plague
I really should be asleep right now. My roommate is due back at any time with her boyfriend in tow and I really don't want to see that shit. I just dropped my husband off this afternoon at the base. He's deploying for 7 months with the 24 MEU. It's only the 2nd deployment I've had to suffer through in our 7 years of marriage. The first one he was in Afghanistan the whole time getting shot at. At least this time he's cruising on the ships with the Navy with only a few opportunities of getting shot at. And he has some pretty cool scheduled ports. I hope he took my threats seriously because I would hate to kill him when he gets back for stealing my digital camera from me and NOT taking pictures of the sites in Israel. Its only been 12 hours since I've seen him. This blows a big one. I'm really sleepy but I dont want to go to up to the big empty bed alone that still smells like him. I swear the first day is one of the toughest. I cant really cry in front of him because he has to know that I'm fine (even if I'm not) and can take care of everything while he's gone. I can't cry in front of the kids because then they'll get scared and think somethings wrong. They are only 4 and 2 years-old. It's hard enough to make them understand why they cant see and talk to Daddy everyday without Mommy being a blithering idiot all the time. I can't really cry when I'm on the phone to family and friends, especially my mother, because they latch on to any shown weakness and expect me to cry my heart out to them. I don't want to think about how much this sucks all the time, much less talk about it. No one in my family really understands that. Its just one of those things you have to live through. I know I'm not the only one, and it helps sometimes to talk to the other wives, but mostly what I've found and is they like to gossip and get into each others shit and I hate that. So instead, I hold everything in until I'm alone (nothing is more pathetic than crying while trying to pee) or I just write on live journal where no one reads it. It's not the point to get comments, I just feel a bit lighter typing the crap out that floats around in my head. That's what I love about this site. No one knows who the hell I am.