Year One
Dear Jackson,
Well, here we are, one whole year. It was almost 365 days ago that I was pacing our living room, waiting for a little boy who would change my life forever and wondering why the heck I didn’t listen to my Lela when she said making tamales would bring on labor. Five hours from start to finish, you were in such a rush to to meet the world, little boy. We, including the nurses and your midwife, were all just playing catch up. I hope you’re always as excited to start the day as you were on your birth day.
The world is an awfully big place and every day presents a slew of new opportunities to learn something new. Every single day of the last 365 have been lessons in the school of life and motherhood. Lessons that will need a lifetime to perfect. One perfectly imperfect little life.
Some of them are quite funny (if you’re like me and enjoy 1st grade, bathroom humor), like making sure you have all your bases covered when it comes to changing a diaper or that it’s easier to scoop nuggets out of a bathtub rather than try to mash them down the drain. You never look at life quite the same way after having to use a spatula to scrap off dirty diapers into the toilet. Poo and sleep, that seems to be all we talk about these days!
Other lessons weren’t as easy and I wonder if there will ever come a day that I’ll think I have this mothering thing down. How do you teach someone how to raise a son to be a good, decent man? To have dreams for your child and yet not fall into the trap of expectations? To know that you can love a baby will all your heart and still need five minutes at the end of the day just to be? That fine line between teaching boundaries and being cranky?
You see, Jackson, I want so much to be the mother who deserves to have that smile light up her life. Some days I feel like I’m doing okay by you but other days, I fall asleep, promising myself and you that the next day I’ll do better. That I won’t lose my patience and that I’ll be as fun and stimulating as you need me to be. That I won’t forget that these peaceful days I get to spend with you are already numbered and soon the world will be knocking on my front door, asking me to share you. Not yet, Baby, not yet. Please be all mine if only for a little while longer.
Dear Baby JackJack, I hope you had an absolutely amazing first birthday filled with endless kisses and love. You are such a good boy and we’re beyond excited about all the wonders and adventures we have to share. Thank you for making me a mama.
I love you to the Moon and back.
Originally published at Indie Shopper. You can comment here or there.