Things Need To Change
It's late and I can't sleep. Really, I haven't tried. It's been kind of a herp day. Car problems are a bitch. Should have another vehicle by the end of the week, but we also need to consider what to do with the one that isn't working. I was hoping that Matt would be in before he left for England on Tuesday for a month, but that didn't happen. So, I'm left trying to deal with the situation the only way I can.
In the meantime, I've spent a couple of days dragging. Mom can't leave under her own power, and I've either been too tired or depressed. Nothing seems to work out well these days. Cars break. Appliances break. Nothing is ever just okay. It's a constant struggle to maintain what heretofore I had taken for granted. I took a week off of work at the end of June only to get exactly nothing done which I had planned. Between the car, my hot water tank, and Mom being sick, all I really got time to do was sleep and clean. I'm getting tired of it. I know I need to do something about it, but it's occurred to me on more than one occasion that I'm not getting much in the way of direct help. Lauren wears herself out (assuming she's awake more than 12 hours a day). Mom is almost an invalid between her weight and her overall health. Matt is absent. I'm left to deal with all of it. My problems. Their problems. The cooking. The cleaning. The buying. The running. The planning. There is no division of labor. There is little in the way of emotional support. A lesser person would have broken already, but it isn't as if I can say that I'm not cracked. I can't count on anyone. The only person I could rely on died.
In the meantime, I've spent a couple of days dragging. Mom can't leave under her own power, and I've either been too tired or depressed. Nothing seems to work out well these days. Cars break. Appliances break. Nothing is ever just okay. It's a constant struggle to maintain what heretofore I had taken for granted. I took a week off of work at the end of June only to get exactly nothing done which I had planned. Between the car, my hot water tank, and Mom being sick, all I really got time to do was sleep and clean. I'm getting tired of it. I know I need to do something about it, but it's occurred to me on more than one occasion that I'm not getting much in the way of direct help. Lauren wears herself out (assuming she's awake more than 12 hours a day). Mom is almost an invalid between her weight and her overall health. Matt is absent. I'm left to deal with all of it. My problems. Their problems. The cooking. The cleaning. The buying. The running. The planning. There is no division of labor. There is little in the way of emotional support. A lesser person would have broken already, but it isn't as if I can say that I'm not cracked. I can't count on anyone. The only person I could rely on died.