It's cold tonight...
I have been unremittingly troubled as of late by friendships. I have been thinking a lot about the subject. Lately, people I have always thought of as friends (close friends, at that) have been acting just the opposite. Places where I had previously felt unconditionally invited have been pregnant with distance and a general sense of unwelcome . People who I have always been comfortable around (even if we had fallen a bit out of touch) have expressed explicit disapproval of my company; any respect and admiration discarded like something disposable...like our friendship is disposable, the GladWare of associations.
Everything from slightly sarcastic to rude, terse comments and answers to my questions have been observed. As well as words unspeakable that I would never imagine a "friend" to ever utter about another friend, even jokingly. It all makes me worry incessantly (as if I've never done that before) about what I could have possibly said or done to make people shift to this state. Did I even do anything wrong? I also wonder if it's a matter of situation and circumstance, not of action. Have I become the person seen solely as "the girlfriend," therefore rendering me, as in many cases, inconsequential? The thought makes me a bit queasy, especially since I have spent my life as the opposite. I was the one listening to my friends carry on about so and so's girlfriend, the ball and chain yadda yadda; but I was different, I was inside the group by choice, not association. Is this status slipping away?
I wonder if it's someone else's fault, if someone else is the asshole. I mean...haven't I been a loyal enough comrade to deserve returned effort? Hell, at this point, I'd settle for civility and even a hint of warmth from some people.
Lastly, I am afraid to ask myself and the void...am I overreacting to and/or imagining this?
Everything from slightly sarcastic to rude, terse comments and answers to my questions have been observed. As well as words unspeakable that I would never imagine a "friend" to ever utter about another friend, even jokingly. It all makes me worry incessantly (as if I've never done that before) about what I could have possibly said or done to make people shift to this state. Did I even do anything wrong? I also wonder if it's a matter of situation and circumstance, not of action. Have I become the person seen solely as "the girlfriend," therefore rendering me, as in many cases, inconsequential? The thought makes me a bit queasy, especially since I have spent my life as the opposite. I was the one listening to my friends carry on about so and so's girlfriend, the ball and chain yadda yadda; but I was different, I was inside the group by choice, not association. Is this status slipping away?
I wonder if it's someone else's fault, if someone else is the asshole. I mean...haven't I been a loyal enough comrade to deserve returned effort? Hell, at this point, I'd settle for civility and even a hint of warmth from some people.
Lastly, I am afraid to ask myself and the void...am I overreacting to and/or imagining this?