chapter thirteen - family ties
I'm back in New York City, Brooklyn, to be exact, with my family for the Christmas holiday. Nathaniel's visiting his parents in the Hamptons. He wanted me to come with him to the Hamptons, but my brother, who finished a 15-month tour in Afghanistan came back for a few months, and I wanted to spend every waking moment with him. My brother, Seize, is my best friend, my protector, my confidant. Although he's younger than me by a full calendar year, he still thinks of me as his little sister - only because he towers over me at a cool six foot three.
It is customary for my twin sister, Ven (short for Vengeance - I don't see why I got the most normal name), Seize, and me to share the same bed and share stories over the years. I am so happy to have some sort of normalcy in my life. Our room is basically the same as it was years ago. The posters are fading, some are even peeling off the wall with their yellowed tape. The stereos are collecting dust on the worn desks with pieces of cardboard underneath, but we don't care. This is home, and it will always be home. Ven turns the nightstand lamp on, illuminating our side of the room in a nice amber. She gets up, stepping over the memorized creaking boards to get the peanut butter Oreos and comes back to bed. She looks happier than ever. Ven's thinner than me, but she's got the muscle, the brains, everything our parents wanted in a child - Ven's always had them from birth.
Unlike other sibling rivalries, we never fight over our characteristics - we're born with them, and we learn to accept them. It is definitely hard for me at first to accept the fact that Ven is everything every girl wants to be, including me, but I live vicariously through her without all the pressure. In a way, it's better because I don't have to deal with all that junk she goes through on a daily basis.
"Any stories, Ven? I miss you, and you never call me." I reach over Seize in the middle and grab three Oreos from Ven. She lives in the city now, and she's always busy running errands for some alternative fashion designer, but he gives her nice clothes, shoes, and jewelry, but I quickly find out that life isn't about materialistic things.
"Well, I'm no longer going to be with Frankie. I've got a new job that I absolutely love. I love him, too, but he's just a perk," Ven grins and looks over at Seize and me, and the grin fades into a shy smile. She reads our minds and continues. "There was a concert at a really intimate venue in Manhattan, and Frankie thought he might want to sponsor some of the upcoming bands, get his name out and stuff, hook them up with free shirts and jeans, and other things. So, he makes me do all the dirty work when we're out to concerts because he was too busy trying to get into some girl's pants. Anyway, I'm in this skimpy outfit with these knee-high boots when I spot the bassist for the band Frankie wanted to sponsor. I go up to him and ask him who handled all of their managerial things, and he said it was the lead singer, Chris, while they were on the road. I couldn't find Chris for ages because he was busy watching the rest of the bands."
Seize reaches over in the middle of Ven's story and grabbed a handful of Oreos and ate two at a time, apparently unmoved by her compelling story. Ven shoots Seize a dirty look and continues, putting the cookies in his lap.
"My feet hurt, so I was leaning against the railing outside. Not many people stayed after because it was starting to snow, and the subways were on their last route until the next morning. Then I hear this really nice laugh, and I turn around and see the bassist and some godly, tall man next to him. He's tall, extremely long, dark hair and a great smile. I stop in my tracks, forgetting how cold I was in little to nothing and realized that this was the front man of the band, the guy I needed to talk to. So, I had to get all of his information, and while I was writing it down in my notepad, he notices that my hand was shaking so badly because of the cold. So, he takes off his leather jacket - his parents got it for him one Christmas, I later found out - drapes it over my shoulders, and asks me if I would like to go and get something to eat around the corner. Who the hell does that, especially a guy from a band? So, we end up talking a lot, and I give him my number, so he could text me. I still had to have Frankie contact him, but that was a different story. I lost him when he went off with another girl, so I got myself a cab and I went home, still smelling and thinking of Chris. Then I realized I still had his leather jacket."
"Can we, you know, speed this up," Seize devours the remaining cookies and looks around, almost as if a glass of milk would appear out of thin air. He yawns loudly. "I'm so bored. Get to the part where you got knocked up, and that's the real reason for you going on tour with him."
"Seize," I punch my little brother in the arm and urge Ven to finish. My eyes start to close.
"Anyway, the next day, Frankie contacts him, and then Chris calls me, asking to meet him at a restaurant down the street from the office. We have lunch and then go back to my place, and the rest is history. He's coming over Christmas Eve, and I'm going to meet his parents on the 27th, so it should be awesome!" Ven talks Seize to sleep, but she doesn't feel bad at all. I can tell she's in love because this has never happened before, and I'm genuinely happy for my sister. I smile at Ven and pat her hand. "I love you, and I want you to know that when you're happy, I'm happy."
"Yeah," Ven squeezes my hand. "Regardless of my happiness, you know I always told you that I'll be happy for you when you get what you deserve, and you deserve the world."
I have my world, I just don't know what to do in it.
"Can you both shut up? I'm really trying to sleep. I'm tired." Seize puts an opposite hand on both of our mouths and sighs heavily.
It's five in the morning, and I'm staring at the ceiling in my bathroom. Seize is sitting on the edge of the tub, looking down at me. "So, what are you going to do?" My brother softly smiles at me and shakes his head. "I'll support you no matter what, and you know that. I'm not saying it just to make you feel better." And Seize never says anything to make someone else feel better. It isn't the way he operates. Fortunately, we're used to this, so it doesn't come as a shock to us when he tells us that our butts look big in a certain dress or that the guy I'm dating isn't right for me. Seize is so genuine, so simple, so him - carpe diem and every moment in between.
"I want it. This is mine. Whatever happens, happens. I'm in no control. Though, I do have to say," I get up from the floor and lean on the closed toilet seat. "It's not Nathaniel's." Seize sucks in air through clenched teeth. "Mari, Mari, Mari," he says in his accent that makes the R's sound like L's. There's a smile tugging at the sides of his lips. He doesn't want me to know that he is enjoying this, but I can obviously tell. "Six, long years, and this has never happened with Nathaniel. And then there's this guy, and it just happens? You don't love Nathaniel anymore, do you? I know it isn't as hard to fall in love as it is out of love, especially after the time you spent with him, but you make it seem effortless. You know I never liked him, especially the way he treated you in high school. What was a creep like him doing with a 16 year old, hm? I didn't even know him, and I knew he was bad for you, and he still is. You already know what I've told you, and you don't need to hear it again, but this isn't for you. It's for my niece or nephew you're carrying. I just..." Seize's voice lowers, almost to an ashamed whisper. "I'm so disappointed in you because I never thought that this would happen to you, of all people. Mari, you're my sister, I love you, but this is crazy I honestly expected this out of Ven, never you."
I hold in my tears, reluctant to tell him that Nathaniel and I are getting married, and that his mother wants us to do it in the spring - which is a mere four or five months away. I don't understand why he is so angry with me.
"I never understood how much you disliked him-"
"Hated him," Seize interrupted me.
"Okay, hated him, but you should at least accept the fact that this is your blood, too. This is none of Nathaniel, you must remember that. You shouldn't use this situation as an excuse to show your hatred for Nathaniel. It's not fair for me. It's not fair for Michael, or our child."
"No, don't you even go there. I know you, Marilyn. I know what you're going to do. You've confided in me before, and it's the worst step in the world. Using this baby that isn't even his to trap him in this relationship." I give Seize a sad look, but all he does is shake his head, grimacing through it. "You're so dumb, Marilyn. When's the fucking wedding, so I can make sure I'm back in Afghanistan."
I get up and quietly shut the door on Seize, leaving him in the bathroom alone. I can't bring myself to burn the bridge with my brother, not because he's my brother, but because I can't lie when we both know the truth.
Lying my head on the firm pillow next to Ven, I stare at the back of my sister's head, wondering if she's as happy as she says she is.
It is customary for my twin sister, Ven (short for Vengeance - I don't see why I got the most normal name), Seize, and me to share the same bed and share stories over the years. I am so happy to have some sort of normalcy in my life. Our room is basically the same as it was years ago. The posters are fading, some are even peeling off the wall with their yellowed tape. The stereos are collecting dust on the worn desks with pieces of cardboard underneath, but we don't care. This is home, and it will always be home. Ven turns the nightstand lamp on, illuminating our side of the room in a nice amber. She gets up, stepping over the memorized creaking boards to get the peanut butter Oreos and comes back to bed. She looks happier than ever. Ven's thinner than me, but she's got the muscle, the brains, everything our parents wanted in a child - Ven's always had them from birth.
Unlike other sibling rivalries, we never fight over our characteristics - we're born with them, and we learn to accept them. It is definitely hard for me at first to accept the fact that Ven is everything every girl wants to be, including me, but I live vicariously through her without all the pressure. In a way, it's better because I don't have to deal with all that junk she goes through on a daily basis.
"Any stories, Ven? I miss you, and you never call me." I reach over Seize in the middle and grab three Oreos from Ven. She lives in the city now, and she's always busy running errands for some alternative fashion designer, but he gives her nice clothes, shoes, and jewelry, but I quickly find out that life isn't about materialistic things.
"Well, I'm no longer going to be with Frankie. I've got a new job that I absolutely love. I love him, too, but he's just a perk," Ven grins and looks over at Seize and me, and the grin fades into a shy smile. She reads our minds and continues. "There was a concert at a really intimate venue in Manhattan, and Frankie thought he might want to sponsor some of the upcoming bands, get his name out and stuff, hook them up with free shirts and jeans, and other things. So, he makes me do all the dirty work when we're out to concerts because he was too busy trying to get into some girl's pants. Anyway, I'm in this skimpy outfit with these knee-high boots when I spot the bassist for the band Frankie wanted to sponsor. I go up to him and ask him who handled all of their managerial things, and he said it was the lead singer, Chris, while they were on the road. I couldn't find Chris for ages because he was busy watching the rest of the bands."
Seize reaches over in the middle of Ven's story and grabbed a handful of Oreos and ate two at a time, apparently unmoved by her compelling story. Ven shoots Seize a dirty look and continues, putting the cookies in his lap.
"My feet hurt, so I was leaning against the railing outside. Not many people stayed after because it was starting to snow, and the subways were on their last route until the next morning. Then I hear this really nice laugh, and I turn around and see the bassist and some godly, tall man next to him. He's tall, extremely long, dark hair and a great smile. I stop in my tracks, forgetting how cold I was in little to nothing and realized that this was the front man of the band, the guy I needed to talk to. So, I had to get all of his information, and while I was writing it down in my notepad, he notices that my hand was shaking so badly because of the cold. So, he takes off his leather jacket - his parents got it for him one Christmas, I later found out - drapes it over my shoulders, and asks me if I would like to go and get something to eat around the corner. Who the hell does that, especially a guy from a band? So, we end up talking a lot, and I give him my number, so he could text me. I still had to have Frankie contact him, but that was a different story. I lost him when he went off with another girl, so I got myself a cab and I went home, still smelling and thinking of Chris. Then I realized I still had his leather jacket."
"Can we, you know, speed this up," Seize devours the remaining cookies and looks around, almost as if a glass of milk would appear out of thin air. He yawns loudly. "I'm so bored. Get to the part where you got knocked up, and that's the real reason for you going on tour with him."
"Seize," I punch my little brother in the arm and urge Ven to finish. My eyes start to close.
"Anyway, the next day, Frankie contacts him, and then Chris calls me, asking to meet him at a restaurant down the street from the office. We have lunch and then go back to my place, and the rest is history. He's coming over Christmas Eve, and I'm going to meet his parents on the 27th, so it should be awesome!" Ven talks Seize to sleep, but she doesn't feel bad at all. I can tell she's in love because this has never happened before, and I'm genuinely happy for my sister. I smile at Ven and pat her hand. "I love you, and I want you to know that when you're happy, I'm happy."
"Yeah," Ven squeezes my hand. "Regardless of my happiness, you know I always told you that I'll be happy for you when you get what you deserve, and you deserve the world."
I have my world, I just don't know what to do in it.
"Can you both shut up? I'm really trying to sleep. I'm tired." Seize puts an opposite hand on both of our mouths and sighs heavily.
It's five in the morning, and I'm staring at the ceiling in my bathroom. Seize is sitting on the edge of the tub, looking down at me. "So, what are you going to do?" My brother softly smiles at me and shakes his head. "I'll support you no matter what, and you know that. I'm not saying it just to make you feel better." And Seize never says anything to make someone else feel better. It isn't the way he operates. Fortunately, we're used to this, so it doesn't come as a shock to us when he tells us that our butts look big in a certain dress or that the guy I'm dating isn't right for me. Seize is so genuine, so simple, so him - carpe diem and every moment in between.
"I want it. This is mine. Whatever happens, happens. I'm in no control. Though, I do have to say," I get up from the floor and lean on the closed toilet seat. "It's not Nathaniel's." Seize sucks in air through clenched teeth. "Mari, Mari, Mari," he says in his accent that makes the R's sound like L's. There's a smile tugging at the sides of his lips. He doesn't want me to know that he is enjoying this, but I can obviously tell. "Six, long years, and this has never happened with Nathaniel. And then there's this guy, and it just happens? You don't love Nathaniel anymore, do you? I know it isn't as hard to fall in love as it is out of love, especially after the time you spent with him, but you make it seem effortless. You know I never liked him, especially the way he treated you in high school. What was a creep like him doing with a 16 year old, hm? I didn't even know him, and I knew he was bad for you, and he still is. You already know what I've told you, and you don't need to hear it again, but this isn't for you. It's for my niece or nephew you're carrying. I just..." Seize's voice lowers, almost to an ashamed whisper. "I'm so disappointed in you because I never thought that this would happen to you, of all people. Mari, you're my sister, I love you, but this is crazy I honestly expected this out of Ven, never you."
I hold in my tears, reluctant to tell him that Nathaniel and I are getting married, and that his mother wants us to do it in the spring - which is a mere four or five months away. I don't understand why he is so angry with me.
"I never understood how much you disliked him-"
"Hated him," Seize interrupted me.
"Okay, hated him, but you should at least accept the fact that this is your blood, too. This is none of Nathaniel, you must remember that. You shouldn't use this situation as an excuse to show your hatred for Nathaniel. It's not fair for me. It's not fair for Michael, or our child."
"No, don't you even go there. I know you, Marilyn. I know what you're going to do. You've confided in me before, and it's the worst step in the world. Using this baby that isn't even his to trap him in this relationship." I give Seize a sad look, but all he does is shake his head, grimacing through it. "You're so dumb, Marilyn. When's the fucking wedding, so I can make sure I'm back in Afghanistan."
I get up and quietly shut the door on Seize, leaving him in the bathroom alone. I can't bring myself to burn the bridge with my brother, not because he's my brother, but because I can't lie when we both know the truth.
Lying my head on the firm pillow next to Ven, I stare at the back of my sister's head, wondering if she's as happy as she says she is.