when is tomorrow chpt. 7 - zacky
February 24th, 2006
11:00 am
Her mother had flown in from Savannah, Georgia, her father had walked from Newport Beach, and her brother was even let out on parole for her funeral. Even though Ven’s whole family knew me as the other guy in her relationship, her mother always considered me a son-in-law. It was a warm feeling to be known as that, even though I never put a ring on her finger. It was definitely too late to do that.
I still couldn’t believe anything that was coming from Marilyn’s mouth, but I knew it had to be true because I wouldn’t be putting on black dress clothes to go to a funeral.
Fuck. It was just too hard for me. I didn’t want to go at all.
Everyone would eventually pay their respects to the woman I had loved so much. I wanted to be sure I was one of the last people to bid her goodnight.
I hadn’t cried the whole day; I didn’t cry at the church service, nor did I cry the night before at the wake, but tears just fell from my eyes as we walked outside to the private service held for family and close friends. As we gathered around her casket, Marilyn patted the seat next to her and her brother, a spot that would have been reserved for Ven. Gena tugged at my arm, pulling me over to the guys. “No,” I heard myself say to her, prying her French-tip fingers away from my arm.
Once I sat down next to Marilyn, she gave me the best hug a person could ever give.
“It’ll be okay, Zack.” Marilyn gave me empty hope, and although it was empty, it felt so good.
No one understood the way I felt. I loved Ven with all my heart, and she came first most of the time, but then there was Gena. How was I supposed to tell her? How was I supposed to explain my river of tears?
Does she already know?
I’m afraid she does.
No, of course not.
She knows, and it’s okay. My love wasn’t fully with her, anyway.
After the private service was over, I stood up, whispering quiet words of comfort to myself. My stomach turned in knots that made me want to cry even more. My palms began to sweat.
I dropped to my knees. No one was around, so why was I so scared?
The night I found out she had passed, I sat at my desk and wrote a letter to her. I never did finish it, though. Marilyn called me to tell me the news about my baby. I had dreamed of having the perfect family with the perfect woman, and she and the baby were gone. Never to come back again. Never, ever again.
“Dear Ven, I am writing to you because I love you so much. You made me so incredibly happy to live and to see tomorrow. I loved life because of you. I talked to your sister earlier, and she told me about this. It broke my heart, baby. I can’t even continue to write this anymore. My tears are falling onto the paper, and the paper’s blurry…” I just made up the rest of the letter, not even caring who the hell heard.
“Ven, why didn’t you just tell me? I would have been so happy. A baby of our own. A baby, Ven, I would care for it, love it -“
“Zack,” Gena cleared her throat.
“Gena,” I slowly got up, patting my legs and turning around to face her. “I can honestly explain.”
“I knew, Zacky. I knew you weren’t happy with me a long time ago. I should have saved us both a lot of time, huh?” Gena lingered next to me for a few seconds before walking off.
I was miserable and alone.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to head back to my car when I literally ran into Marilyn.
“He - oof,” Marilyn made a weird nose as I clung onto her, crying tears I didn’t even know I had. We both stood in silence, crying and holding onto each other. It was the only comfort we could give to one another.
“Thanks,” I told her before I broke down.
11:00 am
Her mother had flown in from Savannah, Georgia, her father had walked from Newport Beach, and her brother was even let out on parole for her funeral. Even though Ven’s whole family knew me as the other guy in her relationship, her mother always considered me a son-in-law. It was a warm feeling to be known as that, even though I never put a ring on her finger. It was definitely too late to do that.
I still couldn’t believe anything that was coming from Marilyn’s mouth, but I knew it had to be true because I wouldn’t be putting on black dress clothes to go to a funeral.
Fuck. It was just too hard for me. I didn’t want to go at all.
Everyone would eventually pay their respects to the woman I had loved so much. I wanted to be sure I was one of the last people to bid her goodnight.
I hadn’t cried the whole day; I didn’t cry at the church service, nor did I cry the night before at the wake, but tears just fell from my eyes as we walked outside to the private service held for family and close friends. As we gathered around her casket, Marilyn patted the seat next to her and her brother, a spot that would have been reserved for Ven. Gena tugged at my arm, pulling me over to the guys. “No,” I heard myself say to her, prying her French-tip fingers away from my arm.
Once I sat down next to Marilyn, she gave me the best hug a person could ever give.
“It’ll be okay, Zack.” Marilyn gave me empty hope, and although it was empty, it felt so good.
No one understood the way I felt. I loved Ven with all my heart, and she came first most of the time, but then there was Gena. How was I supposed to tell her? How was I supposed to explain my river of tears?
Does she already know?
I’m afraid she does.
No, of course not.
She knows, and it’s okay. My love wasn’t fully with her, anyway.
After the private service was over, I stood up, whispering quiet words of comfort to myself. My stomach turned in knots that made me want to cry even more. My palms began to sweat.
I dropped to my knees. No one was around, so why was I so scared?
The night I found out she had passed, I sat at my desk and wrote a letter to her. I never did finish it, though. Marilyn called me to tell me the news about my baby. I had dreamed of having the perfect family with the perfect woman, and she and the baby were gone. Never to come back again. Never, ever again.
“Dear Ven, I am writing to you because I love you so much. You made me so incredibly happy to live and to see tomorrow. I loved life because of you. I talked to your sister earlier, and she told me about this. It broke my heart, baby. I can’t even continue to write this anymore. My tears are falling onto the paper, and the paper’s blurry…” I just made up the rest of the letter, not even caring who the hell heard.
“Ven, why didn’t you just tell me? I would have been so happy. A baby of our own. A baby, Ven, I would care for it, love it -“
“Zack,” Gena cleared her throat.
“Gena,” I slowly got up, patting my legs and turning around to face her. “I can honestly explain.”
“I knew, Zacky. I knew you weren’t happy with me a long time ago. I should have saved us both a lot of time, huh?” Gena lingered next to me for a few seconds before walking off.
I was miserable and alone.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to head back to my car when I literally ran into Marilyn.
“He - oof,” Marilyn made a weird nose as I clung onto her, crying tears I didn’t even know I had. We both stood in silence, crying and holding onto each other. It was the only comfort we could give to one another.
“Thanks,” I told her before I broke down.