when is tomorrow chpt. 4 - ven
Ven
Jacoby and I had been fighting for more than a year about absolutely nothing. He would pick a fight with me about the color of my hair or my eye shadow. He wanted to be in total control. I loved him so much, but I had to get out of that useless relationship, but we both knew we couldn’t do anything about it. We stayed together for Grace and for Grace only. She was the best thing that had come out of my relationship with Jacoby.
During my first year with him, we rushed into what we thought would be a forever-lasting love. Coby had sweet talked me, swept me off my feet, and we moved in the following night. We never thought we’d be together for six whole years. Two months into this rambunctious love affair, I found out I was indeed pregnant with a baby girl. I was eighteen, and I had just been accepted into SoCal University.
Jacoby told me he was going to stick with me, and he did, but his presence caused so much damage. He had stayed way too long, but I didn’t tell him any of this. By the time I told him he had overstayed his visit in my heart, it was way too late. Grace had seen everything she shouldn’t have, but she wouldn’t be anywhere near Jacoby anymore.
With money coming in from Papa Roach and my photography business, we were able to live life like the big dogs do. Even with my own money, though, he still became upset when I went out and bought things we actually needed. I didn’t understand why he had to be in control at all times.
Between the angry outbursts, threats, custody battles, and domestic abuse, I loved this man with all of my heart. There was no doubt about it, either. Boy, I was so in love with his charismatic personality and his soothing voice. Why did I have to be so fucking gullible?
****
The day started off just as any other day of mine. I woke up, dropped Grace off at my parents’ house, and headed to the studio, arriving the same time as AFI.
“Ohhh, I’m so sorry!” I unlocked the doors and let them in. “My daughter isn’t the one who wants to see me go off.” I opened up my camera case and turned on the studio lights while they waited patiently in the lobby. The studio door opened from the back; there was only one person who came in that way, and I was so happy to see him.
“You’re late,” I grinned to myself, looking at a Misfits shirt through the viewfinder of my camera. He bent down in front of the lens, his pale green eyes staring into my brown eyes.
“I did my best to be on time, but Gena’s catching on.” He held out my Starbucks and a raspberry muffin. “And I brought you something, seeing how you didn’t return my text this morning. I blatantly assumed Jacoby was occupying most of your time and attention.”
“Have you been reading, Zack?” I snorted lightly and took a sip of my white chocolate cappuccino. “Lord knows you never had or will have a vocabulary like that,” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and set my things down on the table. “While you’re at it, could you send in the guys, please? I’d like to be out of here by noon, so I can spend my time with you, sweets.”
When noon rolled around, I took my half-eaten muffin and my purse, running to Zacky’s truck before he could. “Give me the keys! I get to drive to my restaurant this time.” I caught the keys in mid-air and unlocked the doors. “We’re going to the Greasy Spoon!” I put my purse in Zacky’s lap and backed up.
Once we go to the small diner, we took a seat in the back near the kitchen. It was actually quieter in the back than it was at the front with all of the customers at the counter arguing about the game last night.
“Quite trying to play footsie with me, boy,” I smiled at him and softly kicked him in the leg, looking up at the waitress who brought our plates of greasy, artery-clogging food. “Thanks,” I murmured and continued with my obnoxious antics.
“I know this isn’t the time or place to even right in my own mind, Ven, but I have to say something or I think I’m basically going to explode.” Zacky’s face lighted with a smile as he grabbed my hands. “I love you. Hell, I’m in love with you.”
Shut up, Zack.
“Zack,” I whined and dabbed my eyes with a napkin. Should I lie to him and tell him I still love Coby and him? “I love you so much…you know that, but....” I stared down at my sandwich and felt as if I wanted to puke everything up. I took a few deep breaths and felt myself tear up. “I want to leave him so much, Zack, but we’ve got a little girl, and you know how much she depends on him. Don’t get me wrong, she loves you so much - maybe even more than her own father [I gave a laugh for this one] - but she needs someone consistent in her life.” I was just digging myself a deeper hole. Okay, time to shut the mouth, Ven! “Anyway, I think we should go.” I put down a few bills on the table, telling the waitress she could keep the ten dollars extra. “Let’s just go.”
I kept trying to convince Zacky that I loved him with all my heart, but I didn’t think I could break my heart into two pieces and give Zack one and Jacoby the other part.
“Just drop it, Ven, please. It doesn’t matter anymore, okay? What’s done is done.” Zacky pulled into his driveway; Gena’s white Beemer wasn’t there, so she must have been at the salon.
“Why are we here?”
“Why can’t we be here? It’s my house. I can do what I want here.” Zacky gave me a cute grin and got out of the car, walking around to my side and opening the door for me.
“Apology accepted, Zack,” I flicked his nose and went around to the back door and let myself in with my own key. “But don’t get ahead of yourself, though.” I looked through the fridge, hoping to find something good to eat, but we all knew the only thing in the fridge was beer and SlimFast. “Never anything good in here…” I turned around and bumped into Zack.
“I know something that’s good!” Zacky poked me in the stomach.
“I’ll see you later, okay? Don’t worry about it. Jacoby’s not going to do anything.” I looked at my watch, and it read ‘5:43.’ “Fuck,” I kissed him hard, saying goodbye, but not knowing this would be my last kiss from him ever. “And if he were to do something, I’ll sock him in his jaw,” I smirked at him and pecked him one last time. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Go put on a shirt, you hairy guy.” Tomorrow was a day everyone would be waiting for until they finally let it all go.
“Hi, baby!” I picked up Grace and hugged her to me once I walked in the door. I didn’t see Jacoby anywhere. “I missed you so much. Did you miss me?”
“Course, I did.” Grace chewed the rest of her dinner and smiled at me, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Mommy, you miss me!”
“Of course I missed you!!” I smiled and put her down, flattening her hair and watching her run off. And then Jacoby came out of the kitchen.
“You’re really late, you know that? I called the studio, and they said you were gone since noon. Where the hell have you been?” Jacoby’s jaw was set, and it looked as if he wanted to get out some anger. “What do you mean ‘I’m late’? I’m not late. I come home every day at this time…” My best bet was to just shut my fucking mouth before he fucking shut it for me. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“I know it won’t happen again.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” I asked him, following him into the kitchen. I knew it was a bad idea, but what more could I do? I didn’t think he was honestly going to hurt me more than he already had hurt me in the past.
“Learn your fucking lessons, Ven, and everything will be just fine,” Jacoby stood in front of the sink washing a few utensils, but I was in front of the fridge, my back to him. I felt the tension. There was no need for him to point everything out.
“There’s some dinner on top of the strawberry box.” Jacoby dried off a knife and set it face up in the dish rack.
“I’m not hungry,” I told him, rubbing my pudge and walking in the living room. The sickness, the moodiness, all of these symptoms weren’t new to me. I knew what was wrong with me; two weeks from today, I had checked with an e.p.t test. Six more months to go. I was scared to tell Zacky. He would never leave me, and I know this for an absolute fact. Zack loved me with all his heart and over and over again, but what about my life with Jacoby and Gracie? What the hell was going to happen to them? I couldn’t leave Jacoby and wait for him to file some lawsuit against me, telling me I owed him something when I knew I didn’t. Coby could use everything against me, and he planned on doing it sooner or later.
“Not hungry?” He plopped down on the couch next to me with a green apple. Cutting it slowly with a steak knife, he eyed the blank Plasma screen and then shifted his glance to the little girl on the stairs. “Come here, Grace, want some apples?”
Smiling and skipping to him, she sat in the middle of us, not even sensing anything was wrong with us. “Yush, please.” She held out her hand and waited for the apple piece to drop. Devouring the apple, she shot up from the couch and ran up the few steps her play room.
“No,” I leaned on my arm, elbow on the arm of the couch. “I’m not hungry. I haven’t been feeling well all day.”
“Wonder why,” Jacoby gave an eye roll kept cutting the apple, the juices get all over the suede couch we had purchased a few months ago. He looked over at me and gave an eerie smile, something I had never seen in all our years together. “Oh, wait,” he said with a sarcastic tone, “I know why. Is it…because you’re cheating on me? You’re just like your sister, Ven. Deceitful, careless, a fucking slut. That’s what you are. I don’t even know why I stayed with you all this time. I should have used a fucking condom.”
“….shut up, Jacoby. Shut up!” I stood up, feeling inferior to him. I always felt like this when we got in fights. When I wanted out, he forced me to stay in. “Don’t you say…this to me…” I felt myself tear up, Jacoby going blurry. I lunged at him, screaming profanities left and right.
“Mommy…”
Jacoby was glad he didn’t have to meet me half way. “You want out? Here’s your way out.”
My blood covered the juice stains on the suede couch. I was bleeding, but I wasn’t concerned about my couch. “Jacoby,” I held my stomach, this time weeping into the floor.
“Mommy…”
I could hear my daughter calling for me from the stairs.
“My baby,” I screamed, feeling Jacoby’s body tower over me. I shook, and he was glad.
“Mommy is fine, Gracie.” Jacoby lied to her, kicking me over and stepping on my legs.
“My baby.”
“Shut up, Ven,” he barked at me and took another stab at me in my stomach. “There is no more fucking baby. You’re the fucked up one, Ven, remember?” Again and again, he tortured me until he finally put me out of my misery.
Bloody hands reached out for Gracie, who was watching the whole scene.
“NOOOOOOO! DADDY, NO!” She screamed, her high-pitched voice filling the entire room, my ears, Jacoby’s ears.
“GRACE, SHUT UP!” Coby became careless, taking a deep plunge at me, not caring where it landed; it just had to be fatal.
“Grac-“ I choked. I was slowly drowning in my own blood. Blood seeped out of my mouth; my brown eyes stared into complete nothingness. I was dead, finally away from all the misery I had endured when I was with Jacoby. I was dead, my baby was dead, and Grace was motherless.
Jacoby and I had been fighting for more than a year about absolutely nothing. He would pick a fight with me about the color of my hair or my eye shadow. He wanted to be in total control. I loved him so much, but I had to get out of that useless relationship, but we both knew we couldn’t do anything about it. We stayed together for Grace and for Grace only. She was the best thing that had come out of my relationship with Jacoby.
During my first year with him, we rushed into what we thought would be a forever-lasting love. Coby had sweet talked me, swept me off my feet, and we moved in the following night. We never thought we’d be together for six whole years. Two months into this rambunctious love affair, I found out I was indeed pregnant with a baby girl. I was eighteen, and I had just been accepted into SoCal University.
Jacoby told me he was going to stick with me, and he did, but his presence caused so much damage. He had stayed way too long, but I didn’t tell him any of this. By the time I told him he had overstayed his visit in my heart, it was way too late. Grace had seen everything she shouldn’t have, but she wouldn’t be anywhere near Jacoby anymore.
With money coming in from Papa Roach and my photography business, we were able to live life like the big dogs do. Even with my own money, though, he still became upset when I went out and bought things we actually needed. I didn’t understand why he had to be in control at all times.
Between the angry outbursts, threats, custody battles, and domestic abuse, I loved this man with all of my heart. There was no doubt about it, either. Boy, I was so in love with his charismatic personality and his soothing voice. Why did I have to be so fucking gullible?
****
The day started off just as any other day of mine. I woke up, dropped Grace off at my parents’ house, and headed to the studio, arriving the same time as AFI.
“Ohhh, I’m so sorry!” I unlocked the doors and let them in. “My daughter isn’t the one who wants to see me go off.” I opened up my camera case and turned on the studio lights while they waited patiently in the lobby. The studio door opened from the back; there was only one person who came in that way, and I was so happy to see him.
“You’re late,” I grinned to myself, looking at a Misfits shirt through the viewfinder of my camera. He bent down in front of the lens, his pale green eyes staring into my brown eyes.
“I did my best to be on time, but Gena’s catching on.” He held out my Starbucks and a raspberry muffin. “And I brought you something, seeing how you didn’t return my text this morning. I blatantly assumed Jacoby was occupying most of your time and attention.”
“Have you been reading, Zack?” I snorted lightly and took a sip of my white chocolate cappuccino. “Lord knows you never had or will have a vocabulary like that,” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and set my things down on the table. “While you’re at it, could you send in the guys, please? I’d like to be out of here by noon, so I can spend my time with you, sweets.”
When noon rolled around, I took my half-eaten muffin and my purse, running to Zacky’s truck before he could. “Give me the keys! I get to drive to my restaurant this time.” I caught the keys in mid-air and unlocked the doors. “We’re going to the Greasy Spoon!” I put my purse in Zacky’s lap and backed up.
Once we go to the small diner, we took a seat in the back near the kitchen. It was actually quieter in the back than it was at the front with all of the customers at the counter arguing about the game last night.
“Quite trying to play footsie with me, boy,” I smiled at him and softly kicked him in the leg, looking up at the waitress who brought our plates of greasy, artery-clogging food. “Thanks,” I murmured and continued with my obnoxious antics.
“I know this isn’t the time or place to even right in my own mind, Ven, but I have to say something or I think I’m basically going to explode.” Zacky’s face lighted with a smile as he grabbed my hands. “I love you. Hell, I’m in love with you.”
Shut up, Zack.
“Zack,” I whined and dabbed my eyes with a napkin. Should I lie to him and tell him I still love Coby and him? “I love you so much…you know that, but....” I stared down at my sandwich and felt as if I wanted to puke everything up. I took a few deep breaths and felt myself tear up. “I want to leave him so much, Zack, but we’ve got a little girl, and you know how much she depends on him. Don’t get me wrong, she loves you so much - maybe even more than her own father [I gave a laugh for this one] - but she needs someone consistent in her life.” I was just digging myself a deeper hole. Okay, time to shut the mouth, Ven! “Anyway, I think we should go.” I put down a few bills on the table, telling the waitress she could keep the ten dollars extra. “Let’s just go.”
I kept trying to convince Zacky that I loved him with all my heart, but I didn’t think I could break my heart into two pieces and give Zack one and Jacoby the other part.
“Just drop it, Ven, please. It doesn’t matter anymore, okay? What’s done is done.” Zacky pulled into his driveway; Gena’s white Beemer wasn’t there, so she must have been at the salon.
“Why are we here?”
“Why can’t we be here? It’s my house. I can do what I want here.” Zacky gave me a cute grin and got out of the car, walking around to my side and opening the door for me.
“Apology accepted, Zack,” I flicked his nose and went around to the back door and let myself in with my own key. “But don’t get ahead of yourself, though.” I looked through the fridge, hoping to find something good to eat, but we all knew the only thing in the fridge was beer and SlimFast. “Never anything good in here…” I turned around and bumped into Zack.
“I know something that’s good!” Zacky poked me in the stomach.
“I’ll see you later, okay? Don’t worry about it. Jacoby’s not going to do anything.” I looked at my watch, and it read ‘5:43.’ “Fuck,” I kissed him hard, saying goodbye, but not knowing this would be my last kiss from him ever. “And if he were to do something, I’ll sock him in his jaw,” I smirked at him and pecked him one last time. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Go put on a shirt, you hairy guy.” Tomorrow was a day everyone would be waiting for until they finally let it all go.
“Hi, baby!” I picked up Grace and hugged her to me once I walked in the door. I didn’t see Jacoby anywhere. “I missed you so much. Did you miss me?”
“Course, I did.” Grace chewed the rest of her dinner and smiled at me, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Mommy, you miss me!”
“Of course I missed you!!” I smiled and put her down, flattening her hair and watching her run off. And then Jacoby came out of the kitchen.
“You’re really late, you know that? I called the studio, and they said you were gone since noon. Where the hell have you been?” Jacoby’s jaw was set, and it looked as if he wanted to get out some anger. “What do you mean ‘I’m late’? I’m not late. I come home every day at this time…” My best bet was to just shut my fucking mouth before he fucking shut it for me. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“I know it won’t happen again.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” I asked him, following him into the kitchen. I knew it was a bad idea, but what more could I do? I didn’t think he was honestly going to hurt me more than he already had hurt me in the past.
“Learn your fucking lessons, Ven, and everything will be just fine,” Jacoby stood in front of the sink washing a few utensils, but I was in front of the fridge, my back to him. I felt the tension. There was no need for him to point everything out.
“There’s some dinner on top of the strawberry box.” Jacoby dried off a knife and set it face up in the dish rack.
“I’m not hungry,” I told him, rubbing my pudge and walking in the living room. The sickness, the moodiness, all of these symptoms weren’t new to me. I knew what was wrong with me; two weeks from today, I had checked with an e.p.t test. Six more months to go. I was scared to tell Zacky. He would never leave me, and I know this for an absolute fact. Zack loved me with all his heart and over and over again, but what about my life with Jacoby and Gracie? What the hell was going to happen to them? I couldn’t leave Jacoby and wait for him to file some lawsuit against me, telling me I owed him something when I knew I didn’t. Coby could use everything against me, and he planned on doing it sooner or later.
“Not hungry?” He plopped down on the couch next to me with a green apple. Cutting it slowly with a steak knife, he eyed the blank Plasma screen and then shifted his glance to the little girl on the stairs. “Come here, Grace, want some apples?”
Smiling and skipping to him, she sat in the middle of us, not even sensing anything was wrong with us. “Yush, please.” She held out her hand and waited for the apple piece to drop. Devouring the apple, she shot up from the couch and ran up the few steps her play room.
“No,” I leaned on my arm, elbow on the arm of the couch. “I’m not hungry. I haven’t been feeling well all day.”
“Wonder why,” Jacoby gave an eye roll kept cutting the apple, the juices get all over the suede couch we had purchased a few months ago. He looked over at me and gave an eerie smile, something I had never seen in all our years together. “Oh, wait,” he said with a sarcastic tone, “I know why. Is it…because you’re cheating on me? You’re just like your sister, Ven. Deceitful, careless, a fucking slut. That’s what you are. I don’t even know why I stayed with you all this time. I should have used a fucking condom.”
“….shut up, Jacoby. Shut up!” I stood up, feeling inferior to him. I always felt like this when we got in fights. When I wanted out, he forced me to stay in. “Don’t you say…this to me…” I felt myself tear up, Jacoby going blurry. I lunged at him, screaming profanities left and right.
“Mommy…”
Jacoby was glad he didn’t have to meet me half way. “You want out? Here’s your way out.”
My blood covered the juice stains on the suede couch. I was bleeding, but I wasn’t concerned about my couch. “Jacoby,” I held my stomach, this time weeping into the floor.
“Mommy…”
I could hear my daughter calling for me from the stairs.
“My baby,” I screamed, feeling Jacoby’s body tower over me. I shook, and he was glad.
“Mommy is fine, Gracie.” Jacoby lied to her, kicking me over and stepping on my legs.
“My baby.”
“Shut up, Ven,” he barked at me and took another stab at me in my stomach. “There is no more fucking baby. You’re the fucked up one, Ven, remember?” Again and again, he tortured me until he finally put me out of my misery.
Bloody hands reached out for Gracie, who was watching the whole scene.
“NOOOOOOO! DADDY, NO!” She screamed, her high-pitched voice filling the entire room, my ears, Jacoby’s ears.
“GRACE, SHUT UP!” Coby became careless, taking a deep plunge at me, not caring where it landed; it just had to be fatal.
“Grac-“ I choked. I was slowly drowning in my own blood. Blood seeped out of my mouth; my brown eyes stared into complete nothingness. I was dead, finally away from all the misery I had endured when I was with Jacoby. I was dead, my baby was dead, and Grace was motherless.