Two weeks on posts in one! Warning Disclaimer! Long Post
So… what’s being going on with Bri lately, awww… I thought you’d never ask.
I have to admit that I’ve been rather depressed as of late… ^_^
(chronologically speaking all of January until about two weeks ago).
I had a bit of a run in with my dad two days after I broke up with Andy… I wrote him a letter, telling him how frustrated and depressed I was in the house… he didn’t take it very well… but I made no inflammatory statements, I just spoke my mind, so I have no regrets. His complete inability to communicate and relate to me did get me down however…
It’s funny, I always know when I fall into those silly bouts of depression, I’ll come back out in goodly fashion. I mean depression is just another emotion. I love emotions. Even sad ones, it reminds me that I’m feeling and that I’m in touch with those feelings. It’s strange but, I probably enjoy a good bit of depression more than the next Joe. The point is not to wallow. Never wallow or cling to your emotions, they are like sand mandalas, impermanent, to be enjoyed in the moment then left to pass. You have emotions for a reason too… to be human, to interact and learn, there is no need to suppress being human.
So Anyways, these last two weeks have been very uplifting and spiritually sating.
On Friday 27th of January, after I got off from work and my dentist appointment, I went down to the St. Augustine Center of Positive Living with Elizabeth and Helen (two delightful middle-aged women I met in my healing circle/groups). We went to see a film premiere, Indigo Revolution, a film about the wave of indigo children that has been recently occurring. We went because there has been a lot of talk in the circle about me being a possible indigo child. So Elizabeth, who thinks I’m a yellow-violet or a crystal soul, thought it would be a good idea to better educate me on the subject. (If you want to know what the hell I’m talking about go to www.auracolors.com). Anyway going to the meeting, seeing the video, and talking with the group there with Helen & Elizabeth has made me truly begin to realize my higher self. That I am an old soul and whatever my color, I’m wise and calm beyond my years. This was a very healthy and helpful thing to learn, especially when I’ve been so hard on myself for so long. I’ve finally released so much of what has been holding me back!
Then came Saturday 28th, I got up early after my late Friday night and headed down to Gainesville to go to the Fair, And… ^_^ all of my friends were there! It was a great visit. I love the fair, the energy, the venders, and especially Theives’ Guilde. I met up with Jerrid, Aaron, Big Frank, David, and blest John Bauldree and Thomas. Those two will always have a tender spot in my heart, they’re both so sweet and genuine. The fair was so nice because I just got to chill, talk with friends, catch-up, spend some time really listening to them… just listening and watching everything was so lovely. What was really remarkable was that people kept telling me how beautiful I was and cutely flirting with me. It was so nice! Just to be told you are worthwhile, to be told you are beautiful…
People should really compliment each other more.
So here was all the healing that occurred after my silly bout of depression: Old/wise soul affirmation from my healing circle, physical beauty affirmation from the lovely guys in Gainesville, and then finding myself truly worthwhile, while spending time in John’s company. Being around John B. again was so nice because I love the guy to pieces, he is just so kind and genuine. He reminded me, as I saw it in him… that we were genuine people, in the here and now, in the present, just enjoying the person for exactly who they were, no expectations, just joy at watching, listening, and visiting with a profound individual. We were both in good company, we were both worthwhile. It was such a wonderful and heartwarming visit. And I’m so happy for John too, he’s found himself a great girlfriend to boot.
So now we are brought to Sunday 29th, I went to FCCJ a little before noon to see the sand mandala… much to a couple of people’s disappointment in Gainesville (^_~). This was the second time the Tibetan Monks had been there and the second time I had almost missed them. So I went and was amazed. I was so touched by the beauty and intricacy of the art piece (I have a picture of it on myspace). I ran into Sandra and Steven, whom then introduced me to the KTC sangha I was a part of but hadn’t gone to, due to timidness. So I met all of these lovely, kind, compassionate and welcoming people. I felt at home. Anyway, it was the ending ceremony, where they dismantle the piece they had just spent two days making, to remind us of the lesson of impermanence. They chanted, they sang, and played ritual instruments. It was so beautiful, you could feel the heat, the healing heat you often feel in a Reiki session. I almost cried a couple of times… it was strange… I can’t explain why… I guess I was just so touched. They dismantled the sand and then after scooping half of it up into an urn to dump into the lake, they started collecting it into little snack baggies to give to all those who had witnessed the ceremony. I was so touched by this gesture and then was rather disturbed as many of the people began to push and shove like typical greedy Americans for the sand like drugs… Anyway, I got my little baggie from a very sweet little monk then went outside to watch them dump the sand in the lake. It was so lovely, sorry, words just can’t describe. I hope I don’t sound like a blubbering spiritual idiot. Anyway, I then went and hung out with some of the younger sangha members and we hit it off great! We sat and talked and I picked up a spider from the grass to keep it from getting stepped on, it just roamed around my hands, just as friendly as could be. ^_^
I have been in the company of such wonderful people for the past few days… I feel so blest, whole, sated, at peace. Happy, silly-happy. I wish all such a sense of fulfillment.
So now this brings us to this recently passing weekend (Three more amazing days...in brief!). I went to the open house at the sangha this past Friday and had a great time chatting and meditating with all the silly, friendly, and open-minded Buddhist there. It was just such lighthearted fun. Who would have thought one could have so much fun at a religious meeting?
Then I went down to Gainesville again to visit with Thomas and John as I had promised them. Gwen and Krystyn asked if they could join me, and I was merrier for the company. Gwen had to go home early due to work, and so Krystyn and I got some time to catch up with each other, since we haven’t really seen each other in over a year. We just sat in my car, munching on grapes discussing our screwed up fathers, love life, and various other intimate girly topics I shan’t divoulge here. In any case, our friendship was renewed and we have become much closer since then. It was really wonderful. The only shame was that I had planned on talking to Thomas some more… but it appears we both just got bogged down by other friends. So I bought an ocarina and a beaded belly dancer shirt and then Krystyn and I drove back to J-ville. We stopped and had some Chinese food at Mandarin Dragon, and Krystyn met my waiter-friend Fa. We sat around just drinking hot green tea and enjoying each others company for a while then went back to her house. When we got there I suggested doing a Reiki session on her and she agreed. It was amazing! It was one of the most interactive and potent Reiki sessions I have ever done. The energy was so strong and tangible… if was just freaking cool!
Sweet Pete… so much has happened… dear audience don’t fall asleep! I’m almost done!
So on Sunday, just after work… I felt… well, like my intuition was calling to me -it’s been deadly accurate lately- and I felt like I should call Ian… someone else I’ve been trying to get intouch with ever since I almost drowned last March. And low and behold, I called one of the many numbers I had for him… and he picked up! We were both so excited that we had finally gotten ahold of each other, I went over to his house right away, and hung out there just catching up on the past year and lounging on the couch until like one in the morning. It was awesome.
So much great stuff has just fallen in my lap!
Last night Ali and I hung out and watched Mirrormask… a film by our beloved artists Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean… the film was gorgeous! It was fucking amazing!
It was like watching one of my dreams unfold on a television! (And yes, I have strange dreams… don’t ask)
Weeeee! I’m just so happy!!
Oh shit! It's like 11:30 pm and I have clinicals tomorrow... time to get some sleep. ^_^
Moment of Zen:
I am falling in love with...
mikey mouse shaped sugar cubes!
I have to admit that I’ve been rather depressed as of late… ^_^
(chronologically speaking all of January until about two weeks ago).
I had a bit of a run in with my dad two days after I broke up with Andy… I wrote him a letter, telling him how frustrated and depressed I was in the house… he didn’t take it very well… but I made no inflammatory statements, I just spoke my mind, so I have no regrets. His complete inability to communicate and relate to me did get me down however…
It’s funny, I always know when I fall into those silly bouts of depression, I’ll come back out in goodly fashion. I mean depression is just another emotion. I love emotions. Even sad ones, it reminds me that I’m feeling and that I’m in touch with those feelings. It’s strange but, I probably enjoy a good bit of depression more than the next Joe. The point is not to wallow. Never wallow or cling to your emotions, they are like sand mandalas, impermanent, to be enjoyed in the moment then left to pass. You have emotions for a reason too… to be human, to interact and learn, there is no need to suppress being human.
So Anyways, these last two weeks have been very uplifting and spiritually sating.
On Friday 27th of January, after I got off from work and my dentist appointment, I went down to the St. Augustine Center of Positive Living with Elizabeth and Helen (two delightful middle-aged women I met in my healing circle/groups). We went to see a film premiere, Indigo Revolution, a film about the wave of indigo children that has been recently occurring. We went because there has been a lot of talk in the circle about me being a possible indigo child. So Elizabeth, who thinks I’m a yellow-violet or a crystal soul, thought it would be a good idea to better educate me on the subject. (If you want to know what the hell I’m talking about go to www.auracolors.com). Anyway going to the meeting, seeing the video, and talking with the group there with Helen & Elizabeth has made me truly begin to realize my higher self. That I am an old soul and whatever my color, I’m wise and calm beyond my years. This was a very healthy and helpful thing to learn, especially when I’ve been so hard on myself for so long. I’ve finally released so much of what has been holding me back!
Then came Saturday 28th, I got up early after my late Friday night and headed down to Gainesville to go to the Fair, And… ^_^ all of my friends were there! It was a great visit. I love the fair, the energy, the venders, and especially Theives’ Guilde. I met up with Jerrid, Aaron, Big Frank, David, and blest John Bauldree and Thomas. Those two will always have a tender spot in my heart, they’re both so sweet and genuine. The fair was so nice because I just got to chill, talk with friends, catch-up, spend some time really listening to them… just listening and watching everything was so lovely. What was really remarkable was that people kept telling me how beautiful I was and cutely flirting with me. It was so nice! Just to be told you are worthwhile, to be told you are beautiful…
People should really compliment each other more.
So here was all the healing that occurred after my silly bout of depression: Old/wise soul affirmation from my healing circle, physical beauty affirmation from the lovely guys in Gainesville, and then finding myself truly worthwhile, while spending time in John’s company. Being around John B. again was so nice because I love the guy to pieces, he is just so kind and genuine. He reminded me, as I saw it in him… that we were genuine people, in the here and now, in the present, just enjoying the person for exactly who they were, no expectations, just joy at watching, listening, and visiting with a profound individual. We were both in good company, we were both worthwhile. It was such a wonderful and heartwarming visit. And I’m so happy for John too, he’s found himself a great girlfriend to boot.
So now we are brought to Sunday 29th, I went to FCCJ a little before noon to see the sand mandala… much to a couple of people’s disappointment in Gainesville (^_~). This was the second time the Tibetan Monks had been there and the second time I had almost missed them. So I went and was amazed. I was so touched by the beauty and intricacy of the art piece (I have a picture of it on myspace). I ran into Sandra and Steven, whom then introduced me to the KTC sangha I was a part of but hadn’t gone to, due to timidness. So I met all of these lovely, kind, compassionate and welcoming people. I felt at home. Anyway, it was the ending ceremony, where they dismantle the piece they had just spent two days making, to remind us of the lesson of impermanence. They chanted, they sang, and played ritual instruments. It was so beautiful, you could feel the heat, the healing heat you often feel in a Reiki session. I almost cried a couple of times… it was strange… I can’t explain why… I guess I was just so touched. They dismantled the sand and then after scooping half of it up into an urn to dump into the lake, they started collecting it into little snack baggies to give to all those who had witnessed the ceremony. I was so touched by this gesture and then was rather disturbed as many of the people began to push and shove like typical greedy Americans for the sand like drugs… Anyway, I got my little baggie from a very sweet little monk then went outside to watch them dump the sand in the lake. It was so lovely, sorry, words just can’t describe. I hope I don’t sound like a blubbering spiritual idiot. Anyway, I then went and hung out with some of the younger sangha members and we hit it off great! We sat and talked and I picked up a spider from the grass to keep it from getting stepped on, it just roamed around my hands, just as friendly as could be. ^_^
I have been in the company of such wonderful people for the past few days… I feel so blest, whole, sated, at peace. Happy, silly-happy. I wish all such a sense of fulfillment.
So now this brings us to this recently passing weekend (Three more amazing days...in brief!). I went to the open house at the sangha this past Friday and had a great time chatting and meditating with all the silly, friendly, and open-minded Buddhist there. It was just such lighthearted fun. Who would have thought one could have so much fun at a religious meeting?
Then I went down to Gainesville again to visit with Thomas and John as I had promised them. Gwen and Krystyn asked if they could join me, and I was merrier for the company. Gwen had to go home early due to work, and so Krystyn and I got some time to catch up with each other, since we haven’t really seen each other in over a year. We just sat in my car, munching on grapes discussing our screwed up fathers, love life, and various other intimate girly topics I shan’t divoulge here. In any case, our friendship was renewed and we have become much closer since then. It was really wonderful. The only shame was that I had planned on talking to Thomas some more… but it appears we both just got bogged down by other friends. So I bought an ocarina and a beaded belly dancer shirt and then Krystyn and I drove back to J-ville. We stopped and had some Chinese food at Mandarin Dragon, and Krystyn met my waiter-friend Fa. We sat around just drinking hot green tea and enjoying each others company for a while then went back to her house. When we got there I suggested doing a Reiki session on her and she agreed. It was amazing! It was one of the most interactive and potent Reiki sessions I have ever done. The energy was so strong and tangible… if was just freaking cool!
Sweet Pete… so much has happened… dear audience don’t fall asleep! I’m almost done!
So on Sunday, just after work… I felt… well, like my intuition was calling to me -it’s been deadly accurate lately- and I felt like I should call Ian… someone else I’ve been trying to get intouch with ever since I almost drowned last March. And low and behold, I called one of the many numbers I had for him… and he picked up! We were both so excited that we had finally gotten ahold of each other, I went over to his house right away, and hung out there just catching up on the past year and lounging on the couch until like one in the morning. It was awesome.
So much great stuff has just fallen in my lap!
Last night Ali and I hung out and watched Mirrormask… a film by our beloved artists Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean… the film was gorgeous! It was fucking amazing!
It was like watching one of my dreams unfold on a television! (And yes, I have strange dreams… don’t ask)
Weeeee! I’m just so happy!!
Oh shit! It's like 11:30 pm and I have clinicals tomorrow... time to get some sleep. ^_^
Moment of Zen:
I am falling in love with...
mikey mouse shaped sugar cubes!