:'(
so...i dont really kno what to feel today....(for those of u i havent already told..today is the one year anniversary of my grandmas death)..first of all..i cant believe that its a year already...it happened in the beginning of 2003 (an extremely bad year for the most part) and i can still remember everything from when she had the atriphy (i cant spell) to the brain a few months before...i didnt really cry when she died...b/c it was weird...i didnt kno how to really feel about the whole thing..i mean whn my aunt died she kinda treated my cousins a lil weird...at least she wasnt as bad as my moms grandparents after her dad died..but my grandma was never there for me and we like never had a real relationship except that she was my grandmother..i mean i did cry at her funeral...but it was more because my uncle went to stand near my aunts grave for the whole thing so that he was with her..and that was waht affected me the most..but now...a year later...things are different...i kinda miss calling her on her b'day and seeing her name on my b'day or chanukah card...its also weird b/c my grandpa has a girlfriend and it upsets me so much...he had one like 2 months after my grandma died...and that also pained me a lot...b/c despite all the awkward feelings i still did/do love my grandma and thought that his having a girlfriend so soon was like a dis to her...i mean i did understand his thoughts...he said that he had 40-something great years with her and that it was time to move one..it just didnt feel right to me...especially when at the unvailing (like 6-7 months later) he called his girlfriend from my house and said i love u to her...that kinda killed me also...so im starting to think that the is y ive been so moody for the past couple of days..b/c its been on my mind for days...its weird..its kinda like with my aunt...she died 4 years ago...i was only 11..and 11-year-olds dont really know how to react to death..and i didnt have to hormones to cry..like i was incapable of it..lol..but now each year the pain gets worse and i miss her and think of her more and more than i ever did before...its the same with my grandma..b/c im upset now..and i wasnt sure how to be before...
so...thnx for letting me vent...if u even read it...im off to do my hw so i can chill with jeff...adios
~ Aimee
*Its the small things that make a big difference.*