in the library...bored shitless & kicked out of 2 seats by ashley crane (whn im already kinda moody)
first off...long subject...lol...especially when i never make subjects to begin with..lol...
as much as the next person all i want to do is have a good weekend...just kinda carefree maybe? i dont kno...but it doesnt matter what i want to do...im going on an NSCY SAHABBATON!! yayy!! **note the sarcasm**....so not what i want to do especially because now the one person to who's name i cringe/flinch in anger and emotion...is now going as well...but i feel bad backing out b/c there are like 7 people going from the Long Beach chapter...and i feel really stupid and immature if i dont go because shes going...which is a whole other issue...and im just really starting to want to pull myself out of NSCY for reasons that have nothing to do with the actual organization but some personal problems (not involving judaism...) that seem to always be aroused when at an NCSY event with all the rules and whatnot...like everyone whos not religious changes a little so that they fit it and are respectful...or i just dont kno...im just in a bit of a gloomy state at the moment...and then on a whole other topic...school...i just cant stand school anymore...i just cant focus on my work...and when i do feel slightly motivated to do some work...im in the wrong place and have nothing to work on...its pathetic...everything is pathetic...the way mr jeremias makes fun of me because when im really bored in his class i start to doodle i <3 jeff and whatnot...and then its kinda pathetic that thats what i do when i am bored...but then i guess not..because i love him so much...but w/e...i totally killed my im not gunna make long posts and just keep things breif...so..im just gunna go...