Wow....
So it's been a really long time. I wasn't even sure this thing existed. A lot has happened. I graduated college started real big person job, and all the while got married and divorced. It's been hell really. The girl I fell in love with, the girl I married just doesn't exist and it sucks, because she was really awesome. Now she's not that girl, we started going separate ways. She stopped playing volleyball, didn't want to hang out with any of those friends, whom I'm still really close with. And that's just one thing. Things really changed and I wish they hadn't. I miss that girl every day. Pretty sure it's just about every day that I have some moment that I think of her...but I don't get pissed or angry like I probably should. I laugh and smile, then get a little sad because that person no longer exists. I hate it so much, and it's been almost 2 years since we split up, and I still can't seem to get over her. I wish I knew the best method. Hell, the other day I decided to clean the apartment, figured I didn't really use my stereo anymore so I'd put it in storage. Well I decided to take a look to see if there was any cds in it..there was...one. I played it, because I was curious, only to find out that it was only one track, "I'm on a Boat" on repeat. That was for my wedding. We were going to play it and run onto a boat and drive off...but it was such a shitty windy day that we decided against it...probably for the best. But what the fuck, I hate shit like that. I can't seem to get away. So many great memories, and she's in every one of them. I've tried making new friends and new memories...which sure they are good, but not as good as those. She always was able to make me laugh, and was supportive, and everything I want in a wife. Which I had...but somehow lost. I had plans, I thought I knew how and where my life would be. I actually figured I'd be buying a house around this time...but instead I'm living alone in an apartment I can't even sleep in the bed in. I sleep better on the couch, why is that. I swear it's just because the bed is too big. When I fall asleep on the couch I literally get as close to the back of the couch as possible, so far where my face is touching it. I think I'm so used to sleeping with someone there thats the only way I seem to be comfortable. I am just so frustrated on how things turned out. Then of course there's a girl I like, thought things were going good. Then she bailed on me twice for a date. The first time was the weather, then the 2nd time was money. I hate it when girls can't just be honest. She seemed legitimately interested, but haven't heard a word from her today. Girls are bitches....or maybe I just fall for bitches. I can't figure it out. When I think about it it's ironic kind of. The one girl that was ever genuinely nice to me, I chose my ex wife over her, hell, I chose 2 girls over her, and now I'm kicking myself in the ass for that one. But lets be honest she was a red head, and I can't be with a red head...our kids would be allergic to the sun.