I'm Too Full Of Shit To Think Things Through
Wow. This is the first time I have been on the computer since before school ended D:
My life.....hmm...that's an intersting topic yeah? First off, things have changed immensely since my last entry.
For one, the biggest change, is that I broke up with Alex. Turns out he was confused and still had feelings for his ex, yet expected me to stay with him even though he still really wanted his ex. Yeah. Right. So, I ended that. And it took a huge toll on me. Because I had given everything up for Alex. I got rid of my most beloved friends. I had damaged me and my father's relationship even more. I nearly dropped all the clubs I was in. All because I was blinded by him. I did all of these things to make him happy. Two days after we broke up he was as happy as can be. He tried dating nearly 5 girls. Each of which I had suspicions of while we were dating. Turns out I was right, and he did like each and every one of them. It seemed as if i meant nothing at all to him. He dropped me so easily. It hurt. Incredibly so. Although, I have learned my lesson. I now realize what we were exactly. I realize how he treated me, and I look back at it thinking "Why the fuck did i ever take that?" I have gotten over him. He is now just a memory. Now, I could care less if we are friends or not. Although, he always seems to keep calling me. Just to bitch about his love issues. And every time he calls he ends up getting angry with me. Because he says that I don't care about him at all. But, I treat everyone that way. He just takes it as an "i don't care" thing because I have always treated him special and he isnt used to it. Not to mention he gets so fucking pissed off every time I mention a guy friend. But whatever. That guy is so full of shit. And right now, I am feeling pretty good. Because he got what he deserved in the end.
Two: My brother. He has changed so much. Rob has done everything from weed to tattoos. Smoking, drinking, burning himself, taking 24 advils at once, getting arrested, drinking cough syrup. Rob has done it all. And it hurt me so much. So, i finally confronted him about it. And we had this talk. It was very emotional and what not. Turns out he started all of it because he hears a rumor about me, and it fucked him up mentally. He said that on myspace there was this guy who added him and the guy knew ALOT about me. Said he was one of my ex boyfriends. He also said that we had sex a ton of times. And that I had fucked every guy i ever dated. And that I almost ot pregnant while dating alex. All of which are extremely untrue. Rob said he had no clue who the guy was. But the night he found out, he got so depressed and started doing crazy shit. We talked more about it. About how I haven't done any of that stuff. How it hurt the people around him to see him fuck up. And in the end, we found peace between each other. He has stopped everything. Everything. And i feel like I have my best friend back. I love robert to death.
I successfully passed driver education. I get my license February 28th 2010. That was the funnest 4 weeks of "school" ever.
As for friends: I finally finally got my Alliandra back <3 Its so great. I missed my partner in crime so much. And recently (while we were drunk at my house) we opened up to each other about how we felt when we were apart. And how we have this bond that no one can break ever again XD Yeah, I love her so much. And Cory. I have been with cory almost everyday since school ended. She has been there for me through everything. She was there for me when I ranaway for 2 weeks. She was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. So on so on. Ii have also become really close friends with everyone up on The Hill. Angel has become a very close friend of mine. Then there's victor, chris, ralphie, emmanuel, sebastian, kirby, david b., pollo, and daniel. I have become very close with them <3 Kirby has even been teaching me guitar. Well, he isnt the greatest teacher so victor and sebastian aid him. They have all proven themselves to be insanely loyal friends. I have also seen alot of shannan lately =]
As for the love life: For me, being single is more dramatic than being in a relationship. i have just been so confused and it bothers the hell outta me. At first it was fun. Because I like flirting. But after awhile it sucks. Let's see...at first me and ralphie had a "thing" I have liked him for a very long time. But we didnt really date er anything. We just hung out more and kissed. It was just a "thing" That stopped. Then there was Amanda. We were always friends. But one day we hung out and we really opened up to each other. And we figured out that we were very similar. We got very emotional, and then we kissed. And it was different than any other kiss. It just felt more meaningful. We were kinda together. And we really cared about each other. But then she had to leave for her dad's house. We still talk and trust each other and what not. But I don't think we are going anywhere. Then there was Aaron. He was crazy about me, but sadly I wasn't into him. I felt so horrible letting him down. Then there was Kyle. Dear jesus there was Kyle. I have liked him for awhile. He is the definition of my ideal guy. I liked him SO MUCH. We recently started talking. And one night, we snuck out of our houses (he lives right down the street from me). He picked me up in his van. And basically, it was a hookup. I mean, I loved making out with him. But then other stuff happened. And now we barely talk. So, I was pretty much just another hookup to him. Even though I really liked him. He was my first hookup experience. And it sucks. Me and Joel kinda have a thing right now. Im not too sure how this is gonna work out.
Me as a person.....Yeah I have changed. I am way more reckless. I am doing things I normally wouldn't do. Like jumping off of my roof onto a skateboard. I am just trying to have more fun. And be more spontaneous. I am also way more into metal than I once was. I mean, I liked metal. But now, it's as if metal is my life. I love every kind of metal. Anything from Dimmu Borgir to Metallica. Just a wide variety of shit.
I don't really know how to explain myself though. I am just different. I feel it. I guess right now I am in one of those "self discovery" stages. Yeah. That's it.
Well....I don't really know what else there is to say. If I remember, I will just post another entry.
My life.....hmm...that's an intersting topic yeah? First off, things have changed immensely since my last entry.
For one, the biggest change, is that I broke up with Alex. Turns out he was confused and still had feelings for his ex, yet expected me to stay with him even though he still really wanted his ex. Yeah. Right. So, I ended that. And it took a huge toll on me. Because I had given everything up for Alex. I got rid of my most beloved friends. I had damaged me and my father's relationship even more. I nearly dropped all the clubs I was in. All because I was blinded by him. I did all of these things to make him happy. Two days after we broke up he was as happy as can be. He tried dating nearly 5 girls. Each of which I had suspicions of while we were dating. Turns out I was right, and he did like each and every one of them. It seemed as if i meant nothing at all to him. He dropped me so easily. It hurt. Incredibly so. Although, I have learned my lesson. I now realize what we were exactly. I realize how he treated me, and I look back at it thinking "Why the fuck did i ever take that?" I have gotten over him. He is now just a memory. Now, I could care less if we are friends or not. Although, he always seems to keep calling me. Just to bitch about his love issues. And every time he calls he ends up getting angry with me. Because he says that I don't care about him at all. But, I treat everyone that way. He just takes it as an "i don't care" thing because I have always treated him special and he isnt used to it. Not to mention he gets so fucking pissed off every time I mention a guy friend. But whatever. That guy is so full of shit. And right now, I am feeling pretty good. Because he got what he deserved in the end.
Two: My brother. He has changed so much. Rob has done everything from weed to tattoos. Smoking, drinking, burning himself, taking 24 advils at once, getting arrested, drinking cough syrup. Rob has done it all. And it hurt me so much. So, i finally confronted him about it. And we had this talk. It was very emotional and what not. Turns out he started all of it because he hears a rumor about me, and it fucked him up mentally. He said that on myspace there was this guy who added him and the guy knew ALOT about me. Said he was one of my ex boyfriends. He also said that we had sex a ton of times. And that I had fucked every guy i ever dated. And that I almost ot pregnant while dating alex. All of which are extremely untrue. Rob said he had no clue who the guy was. But the night he found out, he got so depressed and started doing crazy shit. We talked more about it. About how I haven't done any of that stuff. How it hurt the people around him to see him fuck up. And in the end, we found peace between each other. He has stopped everything. Everything. And i feel like I have my best friend back. I love robert to death.
I successfully passed driver education. I get my license February 28th 2010. That was the funnest 4 weeks of "school" ever.
As for friends: I finally finally got my Alliandra back <3 Its so great. I missed my partner in crime so much. And recently (while we were drunk at my house) we opened up to each other about how we felt when we were apart. And how we have this bond that no one can break ever again XD Yeah, I love her so much. And Cory. I have been with cory almost everyday since school ended. She has been there for me through everything. She was there for me when I ranaway for 2 weeks. She was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. So on so on. Ii have also become really close friends with everyone up on The Hill. Angel has become a very close friend of mine. Then there's victor, chris, ralphie, emmanuel, sebastian, kirby, david b., pollo, and daniel. I have become very close with them <3 Kirby has even been teaching me guitar. Well, he isnt the greatest teacher so victor and sebastian aid him. They have all proven themselves to be insanely loyal friends. I have also seen alot of shannan lately =]
As for the love life: For me, being single is more dramatic than being in a relationship. i have just been so confused and it bothers the hell outta me. At first it was fun. Because I like flirting. But after awhile it sucks. Let's see...at first me and ralphie had a "thing" I have liked him for a very long time. But we didnt really date er anything. We just hung out more and kissed. It was just a "thing" That stopped. Then there was Amanda. We were always friends. But one day we hung out and we really opened up to each other. And we figured out that we were very similar. We got very emotional, and then we kissed. And it was different than any other kiss. It just felt more meaningful. We were kinda together. And we really cared about each other. But then she had to leave for her dad's house. We still talk and trust each other and what not. But I don't think we are going anywhere. Then there was Aaron. He was crazy about me, but sadly I wasn't into him. I felt so horrible letting him down. Then there was Kyle. Dear jesus there was Kyle. I have liked him for awhile. He is the definition of my ideal guy. I liked him SO MUCH. We recently started talking. And one night, we snuck out of our houses (he lives right down the street from me). He picked me up in his van. And basically, it was a hookup. I mean, I loved making out with him. But then other stuff happened. And now we barely talk. So, I was pretty much just another hookup to him. Even though I really liked him. He was my first hookup experience. And it sucks. Me and Joel kinda have a thing right now. Im not too sure how this is gonna work out.
Me as a person.....Yeah I have changed. I am way more reckless. I am doing things I normally wouldn't do. Like jumping off of my roof onto a skateboard. I am just trying to have more fun. And be more spontaneous. I am also way more into metal than I once was. I mean, I liked metal. But now, it's as if metal is my life. I love every kind of metal. Anything from Dimmu Borgir to Metallica. Just a wide variety of shit.
I don't really know how to explain myself though. I am just different. I feel it. I guess right now I am in one of those "self discovery" stages. Yeah. That's it.
Well....I don't really know what else there is to say. If I remember, I will just post another entry.