(no subject)
this is gunna be a serious entry. its gunna be long. its way overdue.
i look back on my everything i wrote in my journal. i look back on all my old entries from a couple years ago. everything has changed. except for one thing... im still alone. since freshman year all ive wanted was a serious relationship with a guy. i still havent had it. i started to accept it & stop looking for awhile trying not to let it bring me down. but i cant anymore. its constantly on my mind. im not expecting to find the person im gunna marry or anything. im just looking for a serious relationship. 2 of my best friends are in serious relationships & i can see how happy they are & im happy for them but why i cant have that too? in the last 2 years ive came close to being with 6 different guys who were all pretty good guys. but out of those 6 there was only 1... 1 who i was postive i wanted to be with. 1 who i didnt have a second-thought about. & out of those 6, that 1 was the only one who hurt me. so why cant anything ever work out for me? i know ive hurt some people but ive also have been hurt lots of times too. im just so sick of being alone. i really cant deal with it anymore. as happy as i am for my friends, i hate seeing them with the boyfriends. i hate seeing how i could have that but, i dont. as selfish as it sounds.
highschool is supposed to be the best years of growing up. i look back on the first 2 years & all i think about is how i didnt have a boyfrined either year, how i was depressed but no one ever knew, how i was never busy on the weekends. i relized that i have no talent. tonight i listen to megan sing. she has such an amazing voice, but then i thought... what am i good at? i couldnt think of a single thing. im not good at anything. im not pretty. im not skinny. im not outgoing. im not even myself around most people cause im so shy. i have nothing going for me. so why am i even here?
i look back on my everything i wrote in my journal. i look back on all my old entries from a couple years ago. everything has changed. except for one thing... im still alone. since freshman year all ive wanted was a serious relationship with a guy. i still havent had it. i started to accept it & stop looking for awhile trying not to let it bring me down. but i cant anymore. its constantly on my mind. im not expecting to find the person im gunna marry or anything. im just looking for a serious relationship. 2 of my best friends are in serious relationships & i can see how happy they are & im happy for them but why i cant have that too? in the last 2 years ive came close to being with 6 different guys who were all pretty good guys. but out of those 6 there was only 1... 1 who i was postive i wanted to be with. 1 who i didnt have a second-thought about. & out of those 6, that 1 was the only one who hurt me. so why cant anything ever work out for me? i know ive hurt some people but ive also have been hurt lots of times too. im just so sick of being alone. i really cant deal with it anymore. as happy as i am for my friends, i hate seeing them with the boyfriends. i hate seeing how i could have that but, i dont. as selfish as it sounds.
highschool is supposed to be the best years of growing up. i look back on the first 2 years & all i think about is how i didnt have a boyfrined either year, how i was depressed but no one ever knew, how i was never busy on the weekends. i relized that i have no talent. tonight i listen to megan sing. she has such an amazing voice, but then i thought... what am i good at? i couldnt think of a single thing. im not good at anything. im not pretty. im not skinny. im not outgoing. im not even myself around most people cause im so shy. i have nothing going for me. so why am i even here?