OH SHIT
We may have do a paternity test...it may be possible that Joe Torre is not the Red Sox' daddy. Nah, who am i kidding...their slut whore mother defintely got nailed by big Joe in the bathroom of a Bahston Bah. We'll get 'em tonight.
In case you haven't read the comment i left on Skip's blog at bluejoker.net, here's the jist of it. I came up with my own theory on the whole who's your daddy thing. Funny enough, i've done research since then and would like to elaborate and present an accurate history of "who's your daddy."
In May of 1773, British Parliament passes the Tea Act, preventing American colonists from smuggling in tea from Holland and allowing their own British East India Tea Company to sell tea directly to the colonists thus bypassing the wholesalers and still taxing the tea. Colonists go up in arms about "No taxation without representation." In December of 1773 a group called "Sons of Liberty" organizes what became known as The Boston Tea Party. From the outside, The Boston Tea Party seemed to be a great moment in history when a group of rebels went against the British Government and stood up for what they believe in. Behind closed doors, a band of latent homosexuals who liked to throw around boxes of tea to work up a sweat, then have illegal gay orgies with 10 year old boys. One of the Sons of Liberty, a man named John Shaw, profited greatly from the Tea Party. In April of 1974, Shaw began to legally import tea from Holland along with his brother in law, William Ness, and opened up what later became the largest east coast tea supplier, Shaw & Ness Tea Co.
After the Revolutionary War, Shaw & Ness became very wealthy and Shaw wanted to start a family in this new country. In 1781, John Shaw's wife Ellen gave birth to a boy that they named Jack. By 1807, Ness' son Harry and Jack Shaw took over both their fathers' business. Jack and Harry multiplied their business three-fold. Throughout the early 1800's, with all the new territories being discovered and claimed by the Colonies, Shaw & Ness Tea Co. became the leading tea supplier in the country.
Although they were wealthy, neither of the cousins were happy. While both were married with children, Jack had apparently inherited his father's infatuation with gay sex. The more the business grew, they more time they spent together. One night in 1820 Jack & Harry gave into their feelings and made gay heiny love during a family party. To their dissmay, both of their wives walked in on them. To prevent anyone from finding out (which would have ruined the business) Jack & Harry told the Boston Town Council that their wives were both witches and had them hung in the town square.
While life went on for Jack & Harry, their children were unhappy without their mothers. Jack's son James, and Harry's son Arthur grew to hate their father's because they suspected foul play in their mother's deaths. James & Athur would eventually plot to steal the company from their father's which they successfully pulled off through a legal loophole in 1848. Jack & Harry were so disgusted by their sons' actions that they left boston in 1849 and declared their love for eachother. They sailed to an island off the coast of New York which was occupied by the Algonquin Indians at the time. Chief Running Fire allowed the two build their own home and live on the island. In honor of the generous Chief, when the colonies claimed control of the island, they named it Fire Island.
As for Arthur Ness, he grew weary of his cousin James Shaw. James had apparantly also inherited his grandfather's affinity for male ass penetration while Arthur had not. He would constantly squander the company's money on gay native american prostitutes. In 1869, Arthur kicked a poor, alone, drunk and gay James to the streets and out of the company. Arthur eventually left his son Edward Ness the company who in 1906 renamed it Nestea. (you didn't see that one coming)
James Shaw remaned a drunk and eventually had a bastard child in 1880 with a female half chinese half native-american prostitute named Elaine. The child, young Sam, was raised in the streets of Boston and after his parents died, would eventually become a servent, doing cleaning and handywork, to his cousin Edward Ness who felt pitty for him.
1918-Red Sox win the World Series with the help of young George Herman "Babe" Ruth
1919-Babe is sold to the New York Yankees. The Curse of the Bambino is born.
1940-Joe Torre is born in Brooklyn, NY.
In 1950, a 70 year old Sam, who was now a college janitor, impregnated a young one eyed college student, Donna, from UMASS who got a little drunk at her sorority party. The child, Cynthia, is born nine months later and is left on someone's doorstep because Donna could not care for her.
Cynthia was left on the doorstep of a young man who worked the lights for a traveling carnival.
1960-Joe Torre plays his first MLB game for the Atlanta Braves.
Young Cynthia was tormented at school for having an abnormal amount of facial hair and her stepfather pulls her out to travel full time with the carnival. She eventually became the youngest ever bearded lady at the age of 15.
In 1974 Joe Torre had been traded to the Mets and with his playing career in a slow decline, Joe ponders becoming a manager. During the 1974 season, after a game with the Sox, Joe goes to a local Boston pub to make a decision about his career. Distraut and depressed that he knows his career is over, Joe has a few too many and meets Cynthia Shaw. With his beer goggles on, Joe doesn't notice the beard and taks Cynthia into the bathroom for a quickie in the stall.
1975 becomes Joe Torre's last season with the Mets and he retires.
1975-Cynthia Shaw goes in to labor and shits out all 25 of the 2004 Boston Red Sox...noticing that they get their baseball talent from Torre and their looks from her.
1977-Joe Torre takes over as manager of the Mets.
1996-Joe Torre takes over as manager of the Yankees.
1919-2004-Red Sox Suck....the curse lives on
2004-Joe Torre returns to the Red Sox' lives to reclaim his right as....Daddy.
In case you haven't read the comment i left on Skip's blog at bluejoker.net, here's the jist of it. I came up with my own theory on the whole who's your daddy thing. Funny enough, i've done research since then and would like to elaborate and present an accurate history of "who's your daddy."
In May of 1773, British Parliament passes the Tea Act, preventing American colonists from smuggling in tea from Holland and allowing their own British East India Tea Company to sell tea directly to the colonists thus bypassing the wholesalers and still taxing the tea. Colonists go up in arms about "No taxation without representation." In December of 1773 a group called "Sons of Liberty" organizes what became known as The Boston Tea Party. From the outside, The Boston Tea Party seemed to be a great moment in history when a group of rebels went against the British Government and stood up for what they believe in. Behind closed doors, a band of latent homosexuals who liked to throw around boxes of tea to work up a sweat, then have illegal gay orgies with 10 year old boys. One of the Sons of Liberty, a man named John Shaw, profited greatly from the Tea Party. In April of 1974, Shaw began to legally import tea from Holland along with his brother in law, William Ness, and opened up what later became the largest east coast tea supplier, Shaw & Ness Tea Co.
After the Revolutionary War, Shaw & Ness became very wealthy and Shaw wanted to start a family in this new country. In 1781, John Shaw's wife Ellen gave birth to a boy that they named Jack. By 1807, Ness' son Harry and Jack Shaw took over both their fathers' business. Jack and Harry multiplied their business three-fold. Throughout the early 1800's, with all the new territories being discovered and claimed by the Colonies, Shaw & Ness Tea Co. became the leading tea supplier in the country.
Although they were wealthy, neither of the cousins were happy. While both were married with children, Jack had apparently inherited his father's infatuation with gay sex. The more the business grew, they more time they spent together. One night in 1820 Jack & Harry gave into their feelings and made gay heiny love during a family party. To their dissmay, both of their wives walked in on them. To prevent anyone from finding out (which would have ruined the business) Jack & Harry told the Boston Town Council that their wives were both witches and had them hung in the town square.
While life went on for Jack & Harry, their children were unhappy without their mothers. Jack's son James, and Harry's son Arthur grew to hate their father's because they suspected foul play in their mother's deaths. James & Athur would eventually plot to steal the company from their father's which they successfully pulled off through a legal loophole in 1848. Jack & Harry were so disgusted by their sons' actions that they left boston in 1849 and declared their love for eachother. They sailed to an island off the coast of New York which was occupied by the Algonquin Indians at the time. Chief Running Fire allowed the two build their own home and live on the island. In honor of the generous Chief, when the colonies claimed control of the island, they named it Fire Island.
As for Arthur Ness, he grew weary of his cousin James Shaw. James had apparantly also inherited his grandfather's affinity for male ass penetration while Arthur had not. He would constantly squander the company's money on gay native american prostitutes. In 1869, Arthur kicked a poor, alone, drunk and gay James to the streets and out of the company. Arthur eventually left his son Edward Ness the company who in 1906 renamed it Nestea. (you didn't see that one coming)
James Shaw remaned a drunk and eventually had a bastard child in 1880 with a female half chinese half native-american prostitute named Elaine. The child, young Sam, was raised in the streets of Boston and after his parents died, would eventually become a servent, doing cleaning and handywork, to his cousin Edward Ness who felt pitty for him.
1918-Red Sox win the World Series with the help of young George Herman "Babe" Ruth
1919-Babe is sold to the New York Yankees. The Curse of the Bambino is born.
1940-Joe Torre is born in Brooklyn, NY.
In 1950, a 70 year old Sam, who was now a college janitor, impregnated a young one eyed college student, Donna, from UMASS who got a little drunk at her sorority party. The child, Cynthia, is born nine months later and is left on someone's doorstep because Donna could not care for her.
Cynthia was left on the doorstep of a young man who worked the lights for a traveling carnival.
1960-Joe Torre plays his first MLB game for the Atlanta Braves.
Young Cynthia was tormented at school for having an abnormal amount of facial hair and her stepfather pulls her out to travel full time with the carnival. She eventually became the youngest ever bearded lady at the age of 15.
In 1974 Joe Torre had been traded to the Mets and with his playing career in a slow decline, Joe ponders becoming a manager. During the 1974 season, after a game with the Sox, Joe goes to a local Boston pub to make a decision about his career. Distraut and depressed that he knows his career is over, Joe has a few too many and meets Cynthia Shaw. With his beer goggles on, Joe doesn't notice the beard and taks Cynthia into the bathroom for a quickie in the stall.
1975 becomes Joe Torre's last season with the Mets and he retires.
1975-Cynthia Shaw goes in to labor and shits out all 25 of the 2004 Boston Red Sox...noticing that they get their baseball talent from Torre and their looks from her.
1977-Joe Torre takes over as manager of the Mets.
1996-Joe Torre takes over as manager of the Yankees.
1919-2004-Red Sox Suck....the curse lives on
2004-Joe Torre returns to the Red Sox' lives to reclaim his right as....Daddy.